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The Ego
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the ridiculous circumstances.

When I was in the UK, I'd mostly watch movies alone save maybe...2-3 times when I went with someone else. Which is fine, I got used to going for movies alone there.

You'd think I'd have friends in Dubai to call on to watch a movie with me. Nope. Most times that I've gone for movies since I was back I've gone alone since people are either too busy or too angry with me to go, or no one is as close as I'd like for a movie viewing.

It's weird but since coming back...I haven't spoken on the phone to anyone for more than perhaps 2-3 minutes if ever. It's a complete turnaround from the time before I left.

Hahahaha before I left I was the one who had problems going out often. Now when I can, other people do. Ah well.

Edit: It strikes me that not only for movies...but almost everything else I've gone out for, I've gone alone most of the time. My Brit state of living followed me back here!!! :D
The Ego
I'm back to my agony aunt mode again. Which is alright, to be honest. I have made a couple of new friends lately, and I think that's good. One, I'm meeting new people and two...right now, I'd like a few friends. Hmmm.

Anyway, one of these new friends, with whom I clicked really really really fast has been talking to me A LOT about this love-related problem. It's kinda cool to be the agony aunt, even if it's just as a sounding-off board. Plus we work in the same building so we catch up at lunch or in the middle and stuff. But he's really really really nice. Some of his ideas, ways of thinking remind me a lot of Po.

My boss thought I was crying at my desk today. She asked me if I was okay, thinking she'd said something to me. Nope. I was NEAR tears but not because of her. So having a friend in the building is small consolation, with hope of some distractions, even though one stops thinking about why one was driven to tears in the middle of work for just a few minutes. One just continues said crying on the bathroom floor when one is home.

What else, what else? Oh yeah, I need some sleep. Hah.
The Ego
What I did not want to see/hear but ended up having to anyway:
- A colleague's underwear (seriously)
- A bar in this city that had life-size cut-outs of naked men and women. Only silhouettes thank the stars so it's not like I could see *stuff*, although their butt-cracks were quite pronounced
- Learning that apparently sleeping with someone is not tantamount to being exclusive with them (well I knew this before but I figured it was just an exaggerated movie stereotype)
- Also seeing how many people just want that free hard drink and a man

What happened to curling up with a book or a movie? :-/ Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, who knows?
The Ego

I try to say goodbye and I choke...try to walk away and I stumble.
Though I try to hide it, it's clear...my world crumbles when you are not here.
The Ego
I know it's been ages since I returned but I only just finished unpacking and sorting my stuff I brought back from UK. That was really, really weird because it's only then when I saw stuff that was very UK-specific (Example, my coats), it upset me a little. I think I fell in love with living there more than I thought I did.

But I'm back for very good reasons and I am happy with what I've got here...my Mom...my brother...and a job. Yes I'm a productive (I think!) member of society. No longer a member of the unemployed or the "great unwashed" as it is sometimes referred to.

I've stacked away my boots and thick socks. Packed away my snow coats and hats and gloves. Pulled out my flip-flops and open toed shoes and heels and shorts and skirts and stuffed my thermal pants inside.

I'm really, really, really back.

..............


Now to get a car. More on that in the next post!
The Ego
How can you not see? Has it blinded you so much? I remember the feeling of blindness. Ignorance sometimes sets you free. Yet you're awkward around me. Why is that? Perhaps you know deep down that I'm right? Or do you just feel awkward in apologetic grace? How can this have blinded you so much ... how has it blinded everyone? Or am I in the wrong ... if everyone sees it one way, maybe I am wrong? Or is it the case of the majority saying the world is flat when I insist that it's round? When will you see the world isn't as flat as you think?

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How can you not see? This is tearing everything apart while you watch and do nothing. It is not me that is the problem, it is them. And it's come to the point where you know the others will never give me the respect I deserve. But you join them in their quest, unknowingly...unwillingly...but join them you do. Perhaps you're trying for the sense of alienation? Blame me after it crashes and burns? They will. You will too. Here too ... I insist the world is round when you say it's flat. When will you see the world isn't as flat as you think?

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How can you not see? You haven't bothered. You say you don't care. You twist the knife deep into my gut and tell me I'm the one wielding the weapon. I've stopped bleeding...you've left nothing inside me. I feel no pain now...only twinges of loss, like a phantom limb. It comes and goes, but like an extremity, you've cut yourself off from me in a way that can never be re-attached. I only tried to do what was best for you. Yet you insisted I was wrong... the world isn't as flat as you think.

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Note: Sorry readers, was in a weird mood and furiously typed out cryptic messages to people in my life who probably won't even read this! Regular posts soon...I've got loads of Dubai stuff to talk about!
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.