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The Ego
What I'm hearing:

  • "I don't have time for you"
  • "I see no reason to divulge to you how I feel or what I want"
  • "This is not that important to me"
  • "You're the one who isn't understanding why my hands are tied"
  • "The fact that I'm not untying these shackles implies I'm incapable of fighting for what I want"
  • "How you feel means squat"
  • "I know how you feel, I know what you want, but I choose to pander to other people"
  • "You will never come first. Never."

I don't know what you're aiming to say, if it's any different from this, because you've conveniently shut your mouth.

Alienation much?
The Ego
So my Mom had gone with my Papa for a concert sort-of thing last night (which was a feat, mind you - they don't go anywhere together and Mom doesn't like to leave my bro with me at night), and when she came back, she had a funny story to tell me.

Before the concert started, there was a dinner buffet, and massive round tables for the guests to sit around. They got their dinner and were eating, when a large family (Mom said she thought they were Punjabi) sat down at the same table. A father-mother, their son and wife, their daughter and husband, and their daughter-in-law's parents. Some members of the family sat down while the remainder went to get food. The daughter-in-law (DIL henceforth for convenience!) came back early and sat next to her parents and started eating.

Mother-in-law (MIL): Hai, bahurani to kha rahi hai. Mere liye kuch nahi?! (OMG my DIL is eating! She didn't bring anything for me?!)
DIL: *startled* Aapne nahi khaaya? (You haven't eaten?)
MIL: Nahi! Maine socha ki tum laaogi mere liye. Aur mujhe to vegetarian chahiye. (No! I thought you would get some for me. And I want vegetarian food)
DIL: Oh. Lekin waahan pe bahut veg khaana nahi hai (Oh. But there's not a lot of veg food)
MIL: KYOOOOON? Woh dekho *points to my Mom's plate* Woh tho hummus kha rahi hai. Mere liye hummus lao! (WHYYYYYY? Look at that *points to my Mom's plate* She's eating hummus. Bring me hummus!)

Then DIL asked my Mom where she got the hummus from. Mom pointed her in the right direction, and when dear DIL came back, the plate was heaped to the heavens with hummus and the other veg stuff, and she put the plate in front of her MIL.

DIL: Ye lo! Veg khaana jo aapne mangaaya! (Here you go. The veg food that you ordered)

*          *          *          *

On a completely unrelated note...I'm scared I'll suffer the same fate as the room you so desperately want.
The Ego
It's weird - Dubai's cold weather seems more biting that that of UK. I used to walk around at 15 degrees in UK feeling hot. Here 20 degrees is pleasant. Very very odd.

It's not good to depend on someone so much you can't function when they're not there. I'd done that once before, but towards the end of that relationship, I'd schooled myself to function. To be able to do my own thing without needing much or any support. Thing is, I didn't think I'd have a problem later on, knowing what I did. So how come I've  been unable to work for the last couple of days? So my advice: never ever ever rely on someone a 100%. No matter how reliable they are, circumstances can change.

My room has been well and truly cleaned. I think my mother is in a state of shock over its apparent organized nature.

I've been under a massive whirlpool of stress over the last few days. It's been so bad I've lost my appetite (I've never eaten so sparingly before), haven't been sleeping and just feel a maelstrom of thoughts pounding against my head screaming to get out, but they can't because no one is listening to them.

I'm one of those people...if I take a dislike to someone, it stays imprinted in my mind so so so visibly, that the other person whom I don't like often always knows by my demeanour that I don't think much of them. Plus, once that dislike is taken, it takes something pretty major/massive to happen for me to change my mind. What happens when you decide to take a dislike to someone you can't afford to dislike? *sigh*

I need to buy a wireless router for my house. I've been helped...guided in the right direction but I still feel like I'm going to buy the wrong thing. Need to find someone else to physically go to the store and help me pick.

I need a vacation.
The Ego
I'm confused.

I feel like I'm groping about helplessly in the dark.

I also feel like things are worse than they should be.

In addition, there's the impression that I was misled... "I don't foresee any problems", you said. Was that a lie?

When you're supposed to be a team, it feels like a one-person job. It's not nice to be sidelined or be kept in the dark.

Currently the impression stands that I'm not being stood up for; I'm not getting support. And that's because I don't have all the facts, which annoys me no end. I wouldn't have done the same, and that's a fact. So with half-baked information, I'm left to stew in my own imagination, which has gone into hyperdrive and it's thinking the worst.
The Ego
While I'm not comparing myself to the Terminator (I'm so not buff), I do think the line "I'll be back" was a boon to humanity.

Thing is...I am back.

In Dubai that is.

So... hello! *waves*

(And yes, I'm back. Indefinitely.)
The Ego
Note: Explicitly abusive post ahead, with curse words thrown in. Don't read if it might offend your sensibilities.

Pardon my French, but what kind of filthy bitch teaches her child to tell the paternal grandmom to "go up" & point to a statue of God?

Yeah, that's just a minute fraction of what my family has to deal with. And her stupid, stupid husband keeps quiet. Useless son. Useless bitch of a wife. His stupidity, and her abject evil is the only reason, the ONLY reason my grandfather died. I blame them for his death till this day and nothing can make me think different. If that hag hadn't come back, he wouldn't have been so stressed...it wouldn't have affected him the way it did.

Did his blind son not see how much he pleaded? Don't bring her home, my grandfather told him. Still he did.

I will never forgive him for driving my grandfather to death. And she's a pure evil bitch. I hope she burns in living hell while my grandmother and mother are still alive. I want them to see her suffer even a fraction of what she's made them go through.

Do I sound vindictive? Fucking hell yes.
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