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The Ego
Dear Po,

Happy 10 months. I cannot think of anything better to do today than what I have planned. I'm sure you will agree.

Love,
BFE
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The Ego
I get sleepless nights sometimes. There are a variety of reasons, but mostly it's because I can tend to worry too much at times.

This seems to be one of those nights. It's as if I feel sleepy but my eyes won't close and I feel jittery and just can't go to bed.

Initially I'd just lie with my eyes open and eventually fall to sleep. Eventually it became worse, in the sense that it felt imperative to stay awake. Anyway, I took to calling friends at night/chatting online to whomever was around. One of them told me to stop calling if I had this problem as he/she had had enough of it. Not very sensitive when all one wants is to be able to sleep peacefully for a few hours.

I thought I'd found a way to get to bed okay, but in the last couple of weeks, it's been next to impossible to get that way to work. I'd been hoping that during this time, I don't get bouts of sleeplessness and the jitters, but here we are...

Here we are...
The Ego
...isn't terrible. It's a smorgasbord though, which makes for terribly restless nights. Ask Po. I wake up thrashing like a moron only to find I'm having a nightmare. It leaves him bewildered when I wake up telling him what I think about what he's saying, having been silent the whole time.

(When I'm super stressed, I dream. A LOT. Which accounts for my 5+ dreams last night.)

Anyway, my current state of mind:

Happy that things are moving forward. Sad for what I have to leave behind. Pain at hurting a close friend. Jitters over what I've decided. Backtracking to the crucial point a few days ago. Fear over doing something I wasn't planning on. Comfort at knowing I'll be good at it. Worry over how I'll finish everything before the deadline. Complete manic and panic over the entire situation.

Clearly I have the emotional range of more than just a teaspoon ;)
The Ego
I saw this quote online... "How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else."

And it perfectly sums up the mood for today. I thought I was going in a particular direction...but something came in the way and now I'm moving in a completely opposite direction, doing something I used to vehemently say I would not do.

There are many cons to what I'm going to do next. But the pros outweigh them...the good things are much valuable to me than the pain I'll experience with this choice.

It's really odd to think, that last year...well...exactly one year ago to the day, a decision was taken. An irrevocable one than changed the course of 2010 as I saw it. It was one of the best decisions I'd taken all year. I can only hope this year's choice will also have a positive outcome as it did last year.

To new beginnings and a crazy 2011 indeed :)
The Ego
She tosses and turns, the soft sheets making her hotter. She's alone in the wide bed, rustling between two soft pillows, covered under silken blue.

She's sweating, feeling restless. She hugs herself in the stillness of the night.

And then...a noise. She hears his voice. Feels his touch. A sliver of a smile appears on her face. He's here. Eyes closed, she indulges in the warm sensations spreading through her. A light touch down her hands, a soft whisper on her cheeks. A brazen heaviness on her neck. The moist imprint on her lips.

She opens her eyes.

She's alone.

Wake up.
The Ego
Thing is, what people should remember is that January 1 2011, is only a date. Yeah 1/1/11 isn't going to come around again for a long long time, but it's only a date.

New Year's is a way to party and have fun. It's a way to mark the end of one revolution of the Earth around the Sun. It's a way for us to count, quantify and add a kind of marker to each passing day.

Remember... it's only a date. It's what you make of the new revolution that counts.

Have a happy and safe 2011.
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