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The Ego
Note: The last one for now. If you'd like the back story, these are the links for Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. I'll be posting soon about why this series was even written, and doing a short piece on another character in this series, who, in my opinion, wasn't given enough writing time. Thanks for reading.

The messages stopped for a while. CC thought she would have time to get over the pain and betrayal. She should've known better. Dexter kept coming back.

* * * * *

On one fine summer day, she received a deluge of texts from him. He said he was breaking down...he wanted a chance to explain himself.

The texts seemed frantic. Painful. He would never know how much it cost her to not reply to him. She was angry. She was betrayed. She was hurt. But she had loved him for more than 3 years. She hated what he had done, but she never wanted him to be in pain.

* * * * *

CC had an email address, where she would send emails to herself. All her frustrations during their 3-year-long relationship were poured into that inbox. Midway into her love with Dexter, she realized that sometimes, he didn't like what she had to say. But where to release her thoughts?

After she found out about FiFi...she deleted it in one fell swoop. Dexter found out.
He texted her: "I don't understand. Do you even remember us anymore?"

Too much Dexter...too much...it's why she needed to erase some things. She remembered them too much.

* * * * *

Then there was the box.
There was a package for CC in the mail. She hadn't ordered anything. What could it be and whom was it from?
Anonymous.
Inside...was a camera.

* * * * *

CC's camera had broken down a while back. iC and the rest of the world wasn't hearing the end of it. Her camera was so important to her and she couldn't use it anymore. Dexter had found out. She was sure of it. The note that came with the camera was not signed...but she knew it was him. It was the way it was written. She still knew him. She has spent 3 years with him; how could she not? "Little red one", he called her.

What was worse? That she wanted to keep the camera so badly, or that she knew she musn't.

Two days later, the box containing the camera and note, was sent back to Dubai. She needed a camera, but she wasn't going to take one from him.

* * * * *

CC started crying.

It had been 4 months since she found out about Dexter and FiFi. She hadn't cried since that night. Now she learned more about the knife he was piercing through her heart...slowly...since last year.

Dexter had said a lot of things about CC last year... that he didn't want to be with her anymore, that she wasn't the same person he wanted to be with... that he thought about other people when he was intimate with her.

And then... the blow fell. Dexter had tried to kiss FiFi...

CC's eyes were wet...she was angry. She was done.

She was wrong.

* * * * *

Dubai welcomed her again. The hot winds blew against her face. Her home was here. Personal tragedy had struck. But iC was there, supporting her...being there for her. She was happy with him. Content.

* * * * *

CC saw Dexter at an event. She knew he was going to be there. She went anyway.

iC asked her, "Are you going to be okay?"
CC replied, "Yes."

And she was.

There was one point when he was right next to her. There was one point when he was picking up packages that were in the seat next to her. There was one point where he tripped over her foot and he looked back. Her eyes met his for an instant.

CC thought, "Should I talk to him?" But she looked away... what could she say? She was worried she would make a scene, and she was not interested in doing that.

The moment passed and he left.

* * * * *

He texted her again...he said it was nice to see her.

You know what Dexter, she thought...it was nice to see you too. She hadn't seen him for 10 months...she saw him and realized she didn't love him anymore. CC thought, "I'm glad I saw him...now I know for sure there's nothing there." But she didn't hate him either.

It surprises everyone when she says that she doesn't hate him. She doesn't understand it either. Doesn't think she ever will.

* * * * *

What is love?

* * * * *
The Ego
I realized something was different when he kept calling me when I was on the train. His need to be with me was so intense...it was only 2 weeks after we got together. Within a few days of that, the l-word came into the picture. I said it first. He felt it first. 7 months later...here we are.

Happy 7 months Po!

Also, apologies for lack of a birthday post...it was Po's birthday last week but what with all the insane stuff going on at the same time, I was in no state to post then. In lieu of that, happy birthday on BFE, Po :)
The Ego
Dexter said he'll stop contacting her.
But he kept trying to talk to her.
"Give me a date or time or I'll be at your doorstep in the morning"

Hearing from him hurt so much. It burned at her throat. It constricted her chest. His betrayal stung. So much she thought she hated him. From the core of her heart, it was hate. How could she hate someone she loved with all her heart? The tears had gone. Silent rage prevailed.

* * * * *

She did something she thought she never could or would. Photographs - her love, her memories, her window to the past, her cherished photographs. Like a vengeful wraith, she cut away everything.
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.
Are you sure you want to delete these items, her laptop asked, as if daring her to keep them.
Yes.

She was sure.

Dexter wanted the pictures.
"Send me the pictures", he texted.
"They're all gone", she replied.

* * * * *

She met her "friend". The girl whom he cheated on her with. FiFi. CC wasn't planning on it. A few days after she landed, she found herself with two hours to kill. Right outside FiFi's workplace.
Madness prevailed and she called her up.
They ended up having lunch together...and skeletons fell out. FiFi said she was under the impression Dexter's relationship with CC was over. She said she urged Dexter to tell CC about her. She said she broke off all contact with him when things spiralled out of control.
CC forgave her.

* * * * *

iC kept meeting her. And one day, he kissed her. She couldn't believe it. How did this happen? Was she really moving on? She never thought it was possible.

She kissed him back.

* * * * *

Twitter. The new tech-kid to hit the world. Dexter used it. By the end of one afternoon, his tweets about cheating on her were read by many. Her inbox was flooded with messages from people asking if that really happened. Her house was visited by two Twitter friends who came to console her.

Her heart broke. Dexter was hurting her. So much.

Yet he sent her a text: "Don't hate me"

It was too late for that Dexter... it was too late.

* * * * *

"I want to see you", Dexter pleaded.
"Go away Dexter...you need to stop doing this"
He was camped outside her house. Begging. Pleading. Crying.

For a minute, she wanted to go out. Hearing him cry was hurting her; he just didn't know that. As far as he knew, she had turned to ice. But he could still touch her. His tears were piercing her. iC was with her then.
"Do you want to meet him?", iC asked. "I'll stay in while you go meet him alone, if you like."
She had to make a decision. He cheated on her. No matter how much she couldn't see him like this, a line was drawn.
"Go away Dexter. Go away."

* * * * *

"I was going to ask you out again!"
After all this Dexter, CC thought. After all THIS?

* * * * *

The texts didn't stop.
"Don't shut me out."
"You're everything."

Then why did you hurt me Dexter, CC thought.

More texts followed. Detailed. Hurtful. Painful. She cried. And got scared. And felt terrible. And felt angry.

How much more could she take?

* * * * *

She flew out of Dubai again. But it didn't end there. So much more was there to come.

- to be continued -
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.