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The Ego
A break from the "what is love" series...

Half a year has gone by...it seems so hard to believe. Oh there were never any doubts - this is meant for the long run. But it seems like only yesterday...

I know you've been overcoming obstacles professionally, so I forgive you for the delay...this time ;)

Happy 6 months.
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The Ego
"We're getting older. My parents might be looking for a girl for me soon."
Tears in the mall.
Dexter walked off. Then returned. "What if I did something? Something really bad that made you hate me?"
CC was puzzled. "What can you ever do to make me hate you? Why would you even hurt me?"

* * * * *

One last time. One last meeting. One last chance. Tears poured against a bare chest. What was she supposed to do?

* * * * *

Oddly enough, it was a dark and stormy night in Dubai. Lightning was hitting the Burj Khalifa and the skies were heavy and the roads flooded. She flew out that night, knowing it was over.
She spoke to Dexter after she landed. He knew why she called. "I know you're calling me just to hear my voice. I don't mind."
He had left voice mails on her phone when it was out of signal range. Listen, replay. Listen, replay. Listen, replay..................................

* * * * *

No one knew. She told no one. She felt ashamed...because she felt she had failed at it. She had failed at the relationship and that was why it had ended. After two weeks of tears, insomnia-filled nights and talking about Dexter to anyone who would listen, someone guessed. iC. He guessed Dexter wasn't CC's anymore. She had someone to talk to.

* * * * *

Dexter called one day to check up on her.
"I love you" slipped out of his mouth.
CC was silent. And then promptly started crying.
"Oh shit...CC I'm sorry"
She cut the call. It hurt too much to hear him say that.

* * * * *

It was snowing outside. She really wanted to hear Dexter's voice. The separation was hurting her too much. Forgetting the concept of time zones she called him.
"Why have you called me now? Have you any idea what the time is??? Do you know I'll get into trouble for getting a call at this time?"
She cut the call, and ran home in the blizzard outside. Tears weren't seen by anyone; only fools were out in this weather.
She reached home, and her phone rang.
Dexter? she hoped foolishly.
It was iC.
"You went offline suddenly...you seemed upset. Is everything okay?"
And then she cried. And talked. Two hours of an international call...just pouring her heart out. It was so broken. So afraid. And so alone.

* * * * *

CC talked even more at counselling. Her place to unload, her place to get suggestions from someone who didn't know her, who didn't know Dexter, who didn't have a personal interest in the situation. It helped. It helped ease her pain. It helped her to think of moving on.
iC helped. By letting her talk. And vent. And even cry.

* * * * *

What was happening? She still mourned for Dexter, still looked at all their photos tacked up to her cupboard, but...iC was making her laugh again. Was this normal? Was this wrong? And one day ... something clicked between them. CC didn't get it. Her heart sometimes ached for Dexter's attention, but basked in sunshine with iC. This was ... difficult.
Perhaps she was moving on? She had to tell Dexter. She owed him that much. She was returning to the sandlands soon. She would tell him face-to-face that she was interested in someone and it could go on to something more. She owed him that much.

* * * * *

It was the last day of her counselling sessions. Winter had moved to spring-ish weather. She was two days away from Dubai. Walking home with a spring in her step. She was going to see her friends again. Dexter! And...iC.
She got home and two hours later, her phone buzzed. A text message from Dexter. No...a confession. He was involved with someone emotionally while she was away last year. Just before they had broken up...and it had almost become a physical relationship with the other woman. He had even asked her out. While he was still with CC.
She was broken all over again.

* * * * *

Her flight landed in Dubai. And everything changed.

(to be continued)
The Ego
Note: Long post ahead...

He lay down on the cool tiles, his hands angled under his head, just relaxing... She sat a little way away from him, just looking out the windows. They hadn't been fully put in yet; it was almost as if they were in a dilapidated, ruined building. A few friends of theirs were scattered all over the empty room, just happy that classes were over for that day.

CC said, "Are you going for the party tomorrow night?"
He replied, "Yeah, I guess..."
"Shall we meet outside before we go in?"
"How does it matter?"
*silence*
She decides to shock him, provoke him into action. "I might come with someone else you know"
"Hmmm?"
"Dexter asked me to come with him"
His left eye pops open. "Come with him?"
"Yes"
He laughs. A lot. As if the thought is just so unimaginable.
She thinks, 'I obviously mean nothing'

Months later.

"Why did you go out with him?"
"How does it matter?"
*silence*
She said, "You're the fool for keeping quiet. I'm not for moving on"
And then he was left with wondering how it would have been.

* * * * * * *

He called CC as always. They spoke to each other on the phone a lot.
She said, "Dexter...how are you?"
He replied, "Fine"
"I saw the photos from last night... nice..."
"Yeah it was a lot of fun"
"Cool..."
"I have something to tell you" he says.
"Yeah?"
"I was holding her"
"What do you mean?"
"There were huge crowds around us and I wanted to protect her, so I kept my arms around her"
She doesn't take that very well.
He says: "You have no right to get upset or jealous. If you weren't ashamed to admit my existence then maybe I'd think about your feelings."

* * * * * * *

"I've had it with you and your friends. There are some people important in my life and now you're not one of them. I'm done. Goodbye" And with that, Dexter walked out.

* * * * * * *

"I love you"
"I love you too"

And back in later...

* * * * * * *

And he wrote: "I miss her...more than I thought I would and possibly should"
CC broke down. He wasn't talking about her.

* * * * * * *

"Would you stop over-reacting??? She's just a friend! Bloody hell, if this is how you're going to react, I'm tempted to stop telling you whenever I meet her!"

* * * * * * *

Months later.
Another phone call.
"CC...*laughs*... I was flirting with her!"
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah when I was out of town, we were sms'ing each other and I was just casually flirting with her"
"WTF does that mean?"
He told her...read out a sample sms, as if twisting the knife in her gut.
*silence*
CC slams the phone down. He, oddly enough, gets annoyed with her.
"What are you over-reacting for?" he asks. "Everyone flirts. Why the hell can't I? Anyway I didn't realize I was flirting with her...until later."
"Well, did you stop then?"
"No."
*silence*
A few hours later.
"I have something else to tell you"
Now what, she wonders. "I mentioned that she's the type of girl I'd like to marry one day, when my sister asked me what type of girl I'd like to end up with"
Why the fuck are you with me then, she wondered? Am I the cheap slut to gain thrills from?
Later, he said not.
"Did you ever think that maybe I flirted with her because I was missing you?"
She didn't understand that logic then. Still doesn't.

* * * * * * *

"I'm going soon", she said.
"I know...I'll miss you..."
She asked, "What do we do about...us? Do we end it?"
He stared back miserably... he did not know.

* * * * * * *

She left the country. He could not meet her... She saw him weeks before she left and not before.
He justified it. "It's just three months."
She did not like the sound of that.
Just a few days after she left, he found a way to meet his best friend. She did not like the thought of that.
"You're over-reacting", he said.
"Really Dexter? You hold her, you flirt with her and say you'd like to marry someone like her... and you think I am over-reacting?" she says.

* * * * * * *

She steps off the plane...back on her soil. What will happen next? He assured her before she returned that this trip did not mean the end.

Only it did.

(to be continued)
The Ego

BEHOLD! My new phone! The Sony Ericsson Xperia X10 Mini Pro (quite a mouthful eh?) in my favourite colour... RED!

My aunt bullied my father to buy it for me, so here it is. Plus, my cousin said he'd buy me a phone for Rakshabandhan but because he's so young (he's about 13 years younger!) and he'd saved up his pocket money for it, I bought the cheapest phone I could find in the store. I'm using that for my Dubai SIM and this red Android beauty is for my UK number, as I'll be there most of the year.

Wait till I post about my new camera...
The Ego
Back in Dubai and here for another two weeks before heading back to the Big Smoke.

I was supposed to be here for a month, but for the first week that was Dubai-scheduled, I ended up in India because my Dadi passed away. I was actually holding her hand as she passed away and it was an insanely emotional and busy week in India. I had to come back to Dubai at the end of one week for many reasons, or else I would've probably stayed till after the 13th day (as there are ceremonies and rites to be performed).

For the last week that I've been in Dubai I had to finish assignments I had taken extensions for as I had to travel to India at the time the submissions were due. Assignments all done, so I'm officially done with my Masters. Until my graduation ceremony and then I'll really be done.

Other than finishing work, been sleeping really ... not slept well for a month now due to many reasons, so it's catching up time. In addition, I've been having headaches for the last week so when I finally got a check-up done, apparently I have mild astigmatism, which is causing that. I have to make a lens change, so it should sort the headaches and eye-pain out.

Anyway, that's all for now. Will update soon.
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