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The Ego
Back in college, during my first degree, Kazz would play Bob Marley's 'Sun is Shining' with regularity. As it stands (and as I proved to Po today) I can sing the first few lines of the song with extreme accuracy.

Why I'm even babbling about Bob Marley is because my current location made me think of his song. The warm rays of the sun bouncing off iconic buildings and the silhouettes of cranes littered all over the skyline could only mean one thing: I'M IN DUBAI!

Loving the weather here, even if it is quite warm in the afternoons. Meeting up with friends and spending time with family has been the highlight of my trip so far and only a few days have gone by. It has been a busy few days much to the chagrin of my mother, mostly because I've been going out with my friends a lot. But as I keep telling her, I'm here only for a short while before I jet off to the UK again so to turn a blind eye to what she absolutely hates. Breakfast with Kazz, dinner with Jo, Twestival with Po, gals night out with Choo, Bhangra and Jo, and SO MUCH MORE.

I'm having a blast... and...the weather is sweet yeahhh... :D
The Ego
...That would be me.

Not anymore. But it would've been an apt description of who I was for about a decade. And I'm 23 now. So go figure (pun not intended).

It wasn't so much about being fat that bothered me as the whole range of self-esteem issues I had did. When clothes I thought would fit, didn't ... no one knew my confidence took another blow. When a group of boys actually followed me across the school ground sniggering and then finally stopped, but not without screaming out "fatty", no one knew that my 15-year-old sense of self shattered. When my pictures developed with me looking like a circus tent, I felt ungainly and alone. I just didn't tell anyone.

I know, I know... "exercise and diet", right? It was my fault - I'll give you that - for not exercising. My stupid younger self started exercising, and when no results showed even after a month, eventually gave up. And this ended up being a normal cycle.

I did manage to lose some weight during college, but piled on *a lot* after my appendix operation and it just never went. Until now that is.

I give absolutely no credit to myself for this. It's location, location, location. It's all to do with me cooking for myself, therefore being lazy to put in more hard work to make the more elaborate and yummy, fattening things. It's all to do with me walking every single day, everywhere I go. It's all to do with me hardly touching fizzy drinks, chocolates and sweets as I don't see the point in spending money on that here.

Not that I'm advocating shifting to a country where you can live without a car and cost of living is so high that you think twice before spending money on things you can live without (unless, of course you're stinking rich, in which case, it matters not - hire your super-expensive personal trainers and look like a super model. You can afford to).

I'm just glad that, at least for now, I'm not in that bottomless hole of self-image loathing anymore. Just sayin' ...
The Ego
A message to a friend:

Please don't give up.

Please don't sacrifice yourself to the altar of society. Society won't give a f*** when you're down and out.

Please don't talk about hating being a woman. You are stronger than you think.

Please don't talk about death. It might be easy to go, but you'll hurt the people who love you and are left behind. Including me.

A quote I saw many years ago that I like very much (I don't know where it came from/who said it so if anyone knows, do let me know!):
I command with an eyebrow
Disarm with a flutter
I make them shudder with a word
Go weak in the knees with a whisper
I make the rules
And break them at will
I let them believe it's a man's world
Because it revolves around me
The Ego
I don't know why this post is even...err...being posted. I just realized I haven't blogged in a week and for those unfortunate souls who hover about this blog, I figured I owed them something. However mundane it might be.

A little known fact about me: I use full stops (or 'period', if you're American) in chat conversations mostly when I'm angry.

The first time I noticed this was when I was 16? I was chatting with Gok-boy and he mentioned how I seemed to splatter full stops (not ellipses, mind you. Full stops at the end of each sentence. Like so.) when the conversations got heated.

Later, when chatting with Kazz ... (those are ellipses) it came out again. And repeatedly with other people as well. I knew I had a trend going.

I'm not sure why though. I use them though, when I'm angry with the person I'm talking to. Or annoyed. I don't take out anger by way of full stops if you're not the person causing the heated emotion to course through me.

So if you're chatting with me and if I use full stops continuously, you're in trouble my friend.
The Ego
Something happened to me two months ago that I thought would crush me, would leave me in tatters and would make sure I'd never be happy again. Which explains all the morose and, frankly, inexcusably self-indulgent posts on this blog at that point.

But know what? I'm happy now. I'm not crushed. And far from being in tatters, I feel great!

Thing is, I've had a few friends recently ask me: "How are you doing it? When we've been in the same situation, we took more time to get out of the pit of misery!" And in some cases, some are still stuck in there.

I don't know what to tell them honestly. I guess there came a point when I said to myself that I'm done moping and I'm done ruining my happiness. When circumstances spiral out of your control and when you honestly can't do anything to change them to the way YOU like, is there absolutely any point in making yourself miserable? This point came for me around 3-4 weeks after the event. Obviously it helps when you have friends rallying you through. But apart from that, it's a state of mind. Plus I guess incidents leading up to the event made it easier to handle in a way. Also, my being in UK, at a distance away from Dubai (where it occurred) definitely played a part in my moving on from my unhappiness. Hell yeah, distractions help.

And now, I'm satisfied that the decision taken two months ago that brought about the event was definitely the right one, and if I was given the chance to change it, I wouldn't. This is the best for everyone involved. It certainly is for me.

For once, I agree with the clich├ęd statement that when one door closes, another one opens. And how :)
The Ego
(If anyone can figure out what the title of the post means, kudos to you)

So another birthday has passed. The first one away from my family and friends in Dubai. I cannot lie - my birthdays in the past in Dubai were most definitely more enjoyable. Mostly because I was pampered and cosseted and cuddled and generally was treated like a spoilt brat.

I miss my grandfather...I know he would've been the one to inscribe birthday wishes on an envelope (for the last few years, my grandparents gave me money on my birthday for me to do as I wish with it) as he had beautiful calligraphy. He would've called and wished me and asked me how I was coping alone and would've ended the call with "God bless you pora"...


However, that's not to say that people didn't go out of their way to make me feel special here. Distance can be but a number when people are determined to make my day. Opening the gifts that Jo made me carry from Dubai to UK in January (yes I showed immense will power in not opening them till the day they were meant to be opened; quick, give me an award!) was just superb! I don't think many people have the ability to figure out what I'd simply love. What is just right for me. She's one of them. *MUAH*
Those midnight calls and sms's from Stained, Po (hey we have a new character in this blog!), Kazz and P were special too. Much love to them all.

Hearing the voice of some friends whom I hear only rarely - case in point, Ron - was just brilliant as was sharing updates that made her gasp and scream and cause Jo abject exasperation. My brother, who seemed to feel very vocal, babbled A LOT while I was talking to him...hearing his voice, even though he was not forming any words, was perfect - I look forward to these moments like you would not believe. Hearing the voice of friends when you least expect to can lend itself to moments of hilarity - example, Jo and Po (Ooookay that rhymes!) running into each other quite by chance and deciding to call me knowing it'd leave me either speechless or in fits of laughter (as a matter of fact, both happened). Trading ridiculous emails back and forth between myself, Jo and P was another highlight, and I'm happy to see this trend continuing in the future and not just for my birthday!

Here's to an eventful and exciting year ahead... things are looking up again :)
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.