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The Ego
When my bro was diagnosed with autism, it was a hard time for all of us. I think it took us some time before we could accept what was going on, what had changed us as a 'family' forever.

While we went through the usual stages of 'grief'...of denial, anger, depression and then finally acceptance... - as then we grieved for the boy we could have had - I am certain that not once did we ever wish this upon anyone else.

Except once... I did.

For the first and only time ... since my bro was diagnosed, did such a malignant, dirty and shameful thought enter my mind. There was once this baby whom I saw/met and I thought, 'How come this baby is 'normal'? Why do the parents get away with having such a child who doesn't have any problems? If the baby turned out to be autistic, then the parents, especially the mother, will know what we go through and she can suffer the way my mother has.' These thoughts came into my head unbidden, and I blame the fact that I consider the mother of the child to be a complete bitch and the very thought of her having a perfect and 'normal' baby was just too much for me to handle.

I honestly wish I hadn't thought such a thing, because to me, to have an autistic child is not easy and it essentially means (in my opinion) a loss of many lives. My bro's life is lost in a way, isn't it? Does he know what's happening around him? Is he aware of things all of us take for granted? Can he have a career? No... Can he have relationships? No. Children? No. My mother's life is wasted... her life means my brother. She has nothing of consequence, you could say, in her life but ensuring her child is taken care of and remains safe when she is not there. Me? My life is not wasted. I am not arrogant to think that I will not be able to do what I want because of my brother being autistic. At the end of it, and I do admit this, it's the mother who sacrifices everything for her young.
Also...the child in relation to which this nastiness in my head came about is not to blame for the mother being an absolute cow.

Wish I could take back the thought ... that I had never thought it at all. I feel guilty about it and I feel...dirty somehow.I never imagined I could be so vindictive, even if it was just in my mind.

Who's the bitch now, eh?
The Ego
This post is mainly about SHOPPING!!! My friends can testify that I love love love love to shop.

And today...today I think I shopped almost all day. My feet are totally killing me. I bought a few things to take with me when I leave for the UK in September, among which was an amazing woolen coat that I got at a highly reduced price. I adore it! I would've bought some wellies as well but I didn't find them in my size. M&S were selling them for just AED 10 but the biggest size they had in their clearance stock was 5/38 and my size is about 42. Ah well, curses for having big feet! Also got another hoodie sweatshirt, a Tatty Teddy pajama set (the only piece available was 3 sizes too big but I bought it anyway and am altering the bottoms coz those are just falling off...can't have that now, can we?) and erm... a Wall-E alarm clock. No, I haven't gone mad. I'd stopped into Baby Shop also and they had a sale and I saw Wall-E clocks ranging within AED 17-27 and I just HAD to buy one. So I bought a pink alarm clock that has Wall-E and Eva on it stringing those Christmas lights together. Ah, unconditional love. Won't bore you with the rest of my money-spending projects, so will stop here, while assuring you that what I mentioned is just a few of the things I bought today.

ANYHOO, let the rant begin!

I feel as though the sizes of clothes sizes have shrunk. Don't understand? Well, I wear a particular size of jeans from a few stores and that size hasn't wavered over the last 3 years. I also know I haven't put on any weight (well any more than the amount that's already burgeoning there, that is) recently on my hips or legs. I decided today to buy another pair of jeans. I went back to the shop where I'd bought my last pair of jeans since they're still gonig strong and fit me well. Get this, in the size I'm wearing, not one pair of jeans fit me. I tried something 2 sizes bigger and that just about went up! I was so shocked, I wondered what the hell had happened!!! I didn't think I'd put on any weight, because one, my old pair still fit (and no it hasn't stretched so much that it's gone 2-3 sizes up from what it used to be!), two, a pair that my Mum bought for herself recently, and is a size smaller than what I wear normally, just about fits me still, and three, she also tried her normal size in the store and that didn't fit her as well either. The clincher was when I wandered over to the girls section ie for kids, and spotted a cute t-shirt with strawberries on it. I decided to go see what sizes they had. As I approached the clothes rack with those t-shirts, I didn't look at the label but thought the first one would fit a 1 or 2 year old pretty nicely. I looked at the label. I gasped. Then I gesticulated wildly to my Mom (she thought I was having a fit or something) and asked her, with her experience in having 2 children and buying clothes for all my cousins whenever we go back to India over the years, what size according to years was the t-shirt I was holding. She looked at it with her practiced eye and said, 'Ummm about 1 year maybe'. I silently flicked the label so she could see. She gasped as well. It said 8-9 years. Not months. Years. TILL date I have NOT seen any 8-9 year old who could fit into that excuse of a t-shirt. Max a malnutritioned 5 year old could get into that top. Sizes are shrinking. And they expect kids to be anorexic too. Sad sad day.

But I have new clothes! YAY!
The Ego
I know I've ranted about Indian TV serials before, but in the last week, staying with my grandparents, I've seen more of Star Plus, Zee TV etc etc than I ever would've imagined I had the patience to. Anyway, there was some insipid serial going on as usual and I was struck by the stupidities that jumped out of the screen at my face.

For example, when showing a married couple, it's always the guy who wants to kiss his wife and if he so much as holds her hand and gazes intently at her, she gets all coy and says "OMG what are you doing?" He's checking your hands for calluses. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S DOING??????????? And then she'll be the one who pushes him away and say something quite ridiculous like, "Don't be such a devil" or something equally inane and I'm like, ohmigosh, has a woman no sexual identity or freedom in these serials?! Apparently not. And then the man is left maybe smelling her pillow or holding her dupatta in his hand, as she runs away, behaving like a virgin after 10434859 episodes leaving the man quite frustrated coz he hasn't got any. Dude, I'm not asking for full-on make-out scenes or even any kind of love scene. I mean, if any emotional relationships between husband and wife or even boyfriend and girlfriend scares tv series producers so much, don't even allude to such stupid scenes, na? I'd rather NOT see such asinine enactments than have the whole virginal bride nonsense. Some tv serials show natural stuff where they just maybe hug or laugh with each other, hold hands, all of which looks fine, but these scenes, yuck.

And WHY, oh WHY does the heroine have to look like a behenji compared to a fashion-plate vamp? Do the bitches have the right to look glam while the suffering heroine looks so plain? I have nothing against looking normal; people who know me know that I'm not into the whole looking-like-I-am-wearing-3487-brands-on-me. But it becomes so ridiculous: 'oh this girl is wearing a cool dress, she's the evil one' or something along those lines. Can't the long-suffering heroine look cool yet suffering???

Ah well ... Adam Lambert didn't win AI... me so sad. Although Kris-JohnMayer-Allen is quite good too. I was rooting for Adam Lambert though!

More later...
P.S. - There was actually another post in place of this one, but I thought it might be too rude and/or too revealing for this blog. Hmmm, will ponder its ramifications, and maybe post it sometime. Or not.
The Ego
About 15 days back, my grandfather (maternal) was taken to the hospital. He had been having difficulty with breathing lately and it had become worse; even the oxygen tank we got for him at home as per the doctor's orders was not affecting him positively. He was finally prevailed upon to go to a hospital and get himself checked out again. He was kept in the ICU until his breathing became stable, then shifted to another room. He was only discharged yesterday. For the two weeks that he was in the hospital, me and my Mom kept taking turns to go to my grandmom's house, do her chores, take her to the hospital, make sure she was alright, coz she's not really well either. She has severe rheumatoid arthritis and my uncle, who lives with them, was at work all day, so in the evening he saw to her needs and visited my grandfather at nights.

Anyway, he left town on Monday for office work and will be back only on Friday night. My relatives - I'd mentioned in a previous post of their arrival - had left Monday morning, and the same evening I shifted to Karama to my grandmom's house and will stay there, or rather, here, until Saturday at least. My grandfather got discharged yesterday, and currently the house is filled with an oxygen tank, nebulizer and a whole variety of meds, so many that I made an Excel chart for us to reference to know which medicine he needs when, and other assorted items that he needs to get through the recovery process.

So for the last week or so, it's been handling relatives at home, then shifting base to take care of my grandparents. A busy week, all in all!

Oh, on another note ... today's Panadol count (hey, I'm in pain!) is 4...till now anyway. I've never gone above 6 in a day. Hopefully I won't break that record anytime soon!
The Ego
I had gone to the Dubai International Airport today, Terminal 3, to pick up my cousins and my uncle. First time I'd actually entered this terminal since I haven't traveled by Emirates since it opened. It's a bit big, wot? And quite empty!

While waiting for them, I sat down in the "meeting point" area. Behind me were two Americans who had come to Dubai for a holiday. They were talking to a guy next to them and they said, and I quote, "We've seen all these documentaries on television about Dubai and its buildings, and it's all fantastic, isn't it? Some of the buildings...we came here to see them!" And I was just thinking, wow, Dubai has documentaries about it??? And people are actually braving the 40+ degrees to come and see it. Ah well ...

Anyhoo, what with the arrival of my relatives (staying with us), my two day weekend stay-over at my best friend Jo's house is pretty much cancelled. Sadder still because it would have been just me and her, with free reign of her place. A moment of silence now, for the weekend that never was.

*silence*
The Ego
*Warning: Movie spoilers ahead; do NOT read (especially the last para) if you haven't seen Star Trek yet and desperately plan to*

I usually don't blog much about movies, or review them as such, but in this case, I just HAD to!

Star Trek (2009) is...well...superb! I'm a moderate Trekkie (meaning I don't go to conventions, I don't have tattoos from the series on my body and I haven't legally changed my name to Sarek, but I adore the series for what it is), and have watched all 3 seasons when they were reruns on TV (duh, my Mom was a toddler when the series came out!!!), and watched almost all the 10 movies that came after. I couldn't bear to watch all because some were so terribly cheesy.

But this...THIS version resurrects the dying movie franchise. J.J. Abrams, brilliant work. And kudos to the casting director. Did you see how Chris Pine sat on the captain's chair? That slightly bent right shoulder...UUUFFFF...William Shatner sat that way. Did you see how Zachary Quinto raised one eyebrow and said "Interesting"? WAH! Leonard Nimoy sprung to mind. Did you hear Simon Pegg go, "I'm givin' her all she's got Cap'n"? Our very own Doohan's brogue was like that. Karl Urban as the space-hating doctor McCoy? I honestly had doubts about this one but he was amazing! The story was pretty good, the effects did not overpower the movie, the casting was brilliant, the background score was superb, the acting was quite good. None of the actors stepping into such big shoes completely imitate the original actors, yet stayed true to what the characters were supposed to be. Simon Pegg and Zachary Quinto were, without a doubt, the best casting ever, with Chris Pine a close second. Apart from the main cast, pretty much every supporting cast member was equally up to the task they were given. Question though...Winona Ryder? Really??? I mean, it wasn't like she was bad or anything, she was just wasted.

I must admit I shed a few tears though. Yes, I know what you're thinking: who releases tears of any kind during a Star Trek movie (unless you're crying at the sheer absurdity of some of the old ST movies)? Well, I did. I'm just emotional or something.
Tear shedding incident #1: When baby James Tiberius Kirk was born and his daddy Kirk died
Tear shedding incident #2: When original Spock (ie Leonard Nimoy) did the Vulcan salute, and said, "Live long and prosper"

I do have just ONE gripe with the movie. Just one. And a half. The whole gripe is...well... I had a "wtf" moment. When? When Uhuru effing kissed Spock. And he reciprocated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO PEOPLE!!! Yes, the supposedly first (it wasn't actually, more like the second) interracial kiss on television WAS between Kirk (William Shatner) and Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) in 1967 (?...or 68?)... even though I think many TV stations refused to broadcast that episode for many years, because of that. Anyway, THOSE two always had the undercurrent between them. No matter how many alien chicas Kirk always romanced, it was Uhura he cared for. ANY Trekkie will tell ya that! ANY! SPOCK AND UHURA??? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
And my 'half' gripe is not really a complaint against the movie or anything; it's my own personal problem. For about half an hour after Zachary Quinto appeared as Spock, I couldn't stop hearing Sylar instead of Spock. After that, I settled down into forgetting Quinto as TV's current evil honcho, and properly accepted him as Spock.

Am buying the DVD as soon as it gets out. No doubt about it!
The Ego
Wasn't there a movie by this name? I vaguely remember Josh Hartnett being in it, but I'm not quite sure what the movie was about.

Anyway... you know who you are... the last 40 days and nights have been hell.

Forty times twenty four hours is just a lot of time ... :(:(:(:(

PS - Sappy mood... ignore if you like!!!
The Ego

I'd bought this in London last month for £60 (there was a sale of sorts in HMV), but couldn't bring it back with me as my luggage was overweight. My friend in London came to Dubai a few days back. He brought it with him, along with the books I'd also had to leave behind.

Convert and weep my friends, convert and WEEP!!! :D
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.