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The Ego
First, read this and this, so as to understand my fury at men.

So what gave those bastards the right to attack women who were in pubs? No one bothers questioning the presence of men in pubs but if a woman goes to one, she deserves to be humiliated and assaulted? I saw the video clips on news channels; there was a woman cowering, protecting her head from maniacal assholes who kept slapping her again and again and again... They were chased out of the area, kicked, tripped onto the ground where they scrambled to protect themselves. And these men call themselves good people? And proudly show off their religious beliefs of being 'good Hindus'? Religious people? I spit on such fanatics, who think that debasing and harming people is the way to get their point across. Disgusting I tell you. These men who go onto moral high ground are more often than not cheats, liars and complete no-gooders. These kind of men do what the hell they want while they expect women to wait in the wings and dance on their instructions like fucking puppets on a string.

Better an atheist who doesn't indulge in violence than a religious person who decides that harming people is the best way to proclaim their beliefs to the world.
The Ego
An update from the last post... the guy has called again quite a few times. Today (after I visited a police station and found out what steps I needed to take to make a complaint) I answered the perv's call and told him that if he ever called me again, I'd go to the police. I repeated that twice ... "I'll go to the police" and slammed the phone. So far... no more calls. I hope it stays that way.

* * * *

This para here... has been constantly edited since I started blogging this post. How much to tell? How to say it?
Well, let's just say for the moment... that I'm bewildered, lost, confused... and have begun to truly hate someone so much that I'll probably not even cry if that person is out of my life. It used to matter in an emotional way before, no matter how our relationship was. But now... I don't give a damn whether that person stays or not. I shed my last tears for this person today. And I'm done. No more... no more...
The Ego
Right, so I got a call from an unknown number today and ... well, here's the conversation:

Me: Hello?
Some guy: Hello
Me: Yes?
Some guy: I'm calling about the ad
Me (thinking this is a work related call): Okay...? Whom do you want to speak to?
Some guy: I don't know
Me (confused): Excuse me, if you don't know whom you have to speak to, how did you even get this number? What reason did you call for?
Some guy: I got your number from an ad.
Me: Ad? What ad?
Some guy: You know...
Me: No, I don't know
Some guy: You know... the adult ad you put up...
Me: You've dialled the wrong number *cuts the call*


I wonder... since then I've received three blank calls from another number... could it be the same person? :-o
The Ego
Our residence number rang a little past 8:30pm and my Mum answered. She gasped after a few seconds and I thought to myself, "Somebody died" (No, I'm not morbid, I know my Mum and the type of sounds she makes for various occassions).

Anyway, after the phone call, she tells me, "Shonu died". I stopped in my tracks when she said this. It couldn't be.

In 1992, a year after Dinky (our dog) died, my grandparents got Shonu the parrot. Bright green with a red hooked beak, he was the most annoyed parrot you'd ever seen. I was only 5 years old, and now in retrospect, I realize all parrots from his particular breed look a bit annoyed all the time. He was great company for my grandparents, especially my grandmother, who more often than not is alone at home, as my grandfather and uncle would be out at work. He adored eating french fries, perus and bird seed and made a huuuuge racket when my bro would come into the room where he was. He was ... Shonu.

It seems when my uncle went to clean him as he did every night, he found Shonu on the floor of his cage... They couldn't very well throw him or do anything we buried him in my garden.

My uncle and grandfather came, and me, my Mum and uncle went into the garden for the burial. When he took Shonu out of the box he'd brought him in, me and Mum couldn't take it; we broke down, crying for quite some time. Even my uncle just sat there for a bit as we cried, just staring at Shonu's body. My uncle said after it was done, "I've buried two pets; Dinky and Shonu. I can't do this anymore. We can't do this again." (Yes, my uncle has physically...literally...dug the graves of both Dinky and Shonu)

Shonu was a Indian ring-necked parakeet, and he had a good long life with us for 17 years. And while leaving our house, my uncle said, "I'm glad he's here with us...not like Dinky..."

RIP Shonu...

Note: Dinky (a beautiful white-coated Spitz) died January 19th 1991; Shonu died today, January 15th 2009. Dinky was buried in a military dog cemetery, which no longer exists. In its place stands the Burj Dubai.
The Ego
I went to Global Village a few days back. I had a visitor to Dubai for the first time (let's call him Veggy) and his friend (let's call her Q)... and I went with the two of them.

The last time I went to Global Village was possibly in 2005 or 2006, so it was quite a gap. Anyway, it seemed smaller to me for some reason. Possibly it's the fake canal that they've built in the middle of the entire Village. Or maybe the number of stalls have reduced? I really don't know. The rides were amazingly expensive; I don't know why anyone would pay such exorbitant amounts to sit on those rides. Possibly that explains why the entertainment/ride area was so deserted.

I was quite amused by the Yemen pavilion. When we went in, we were surrounded by stalls selling honey. Which was fine in itself, but most of them were opening jars of honey labeled "For married only" and offering them to us. Veggy asked them why it says 'for married only'. The shopkeeper said, "It is made of blah blah blah blah blah. It will give you strength, power and MORE energy. You understand?" Then he winks at Veggy. And makes him eat some of the honey (Veggy is quite unmarried btw). And then says, "You will see the result!" and that's when Q and I ran out laughing.
The Ego
Right... so I'm bored and was having conversations about 'jealousy' today with more than one person, coincidentally enough. One friend of mine told me, "You don't seem the jealous type" and I was like, Grrrrrr... I'm the territory-marking type and will hiss if you stamp all over my property. Anyway, I was bored just now, so just penned a nonsensical piece on 'jealousy' as I go through it. Don't read anything into it ... the words (that don't rhyme) just flew out!!!

I suffer from this odd disease
A quirky thing indeed
It makes my eyes see red
And turns my ears green

It comes upon my at odd times
When I least expect
Even an event like a phone call
Can make it blow in full stead

If her hand rests briefly on your shoulder
And you don't move away
I want to poke her eyes out
And make her go away

A sad thing indeed to suffer
It gives me sleepless nights
I can't take it any longer
Can you just be all mine?

Corny? I know. But I like the last line ... ALL MIIIIINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

An afterthought to the same 'poem':
But all mine you truly are
And that I secretly know
The others can look is all
Because at the end it's me to whom you go!
The Ego
Neel tagged me on this one ... And my third post this year is another meme... ah well ...
Basically, I have to write 10 honest things about myself.

1. For some absurd reason, over the past year, I've read more romance trash novels than anything else and the obsession seems far from over. I need some other authors to read... suggestions are welcome (and I don't like Paulo Coelho, I think his books are highly over-rated, so don't suggest his name, whatever you do)!!!

2. If I get attached, emotionally i.e., to a person, then it's very hard to detach me. Consequently, if the other person hurts me in anyway, the pain I feel will be manifold because of my intense attachment. A side effect of said attachment can be intense jealousy.

3. I cannot eat rice very well with my hands. My family, immediate and extended, tease me about this and led to my being called angrez ki aulad (Western child) when I say I need a spoon/fork to eat rice...

4. I cried 3 days non-stop taking rests to sleep, eat a little and literally faint with exhaustion from crying when my dog Dinky died in 1991.

5. Sometimes I look for approval so much from important people in my life, that sometimes I'm not sure if I'm me, or I'm what they want me to be

6. I secretly don't like to mingle with dumb people. I try to not show my aversion on my face though. Sadly, in college, as a result of being in a very large group of friends who have other friends etc, I've been forced to spend time with REALLY DUMB people, so that was quite terrible. I have a huge mental block against them. Most annoy me and I feel like they need to do something about it instead of staying so stupid.

7. I've been called a bitch, to my face, by a female member of my family thrice. It started when I was 15.

8. I'm a bit of an Agony Aunt. I don't ask for it, but sometimes people whom I don't even know very well seem to trust me enough to confide their problems and expect me to offer solutions. Which is why I considered becoming a counselor if my journalism dreams didn't pan out.

9. I think most babies/children are ugly. I'm not a colour racist; I've found dark babies/children who are beautiful also. But oh god, the pain I have to go through to lie off my teeth and say, Oh your baby/child is SO beautiful, when privately I'm thinking, I hope the baby/child grows out of its ugliness. Sadly, many don't. Superficial, yes... but what I think. Again, I want to clarify, nothing against those kids; they might turn out to be President or PM or a world famous actor, but they're ugly nonetheless. And again, I'm no Ms World... but I was a cute baby. I grew out of that though... hahaha... and became an average adult...

10. I roll my R's ... it sounds good when I speak French. But otherwise, I sound like a pirate, saying "Arrrr" when I just want to say the letter R. Serrrriously. :P
The Ego
Googled a particular word (guess what it might be) and I stumbled across this... Feel free to do it if you like...

| RED is for anger |
01: Would you say you have a short temper?:
Yes, but it's hard to provoke me...
02: Have you ever reacted violently when angry?:
Nope... it's easier to be violent with words than physically...
03: Have you ever turned red?:
Yes I have; when I blush I've been told I turn pink-red...
04: What was the last thing to really piss you off?:
That my funding for my Masters may not exist
05: Are you ever argumentative?:
Of course...whatcha wanna argue about?
06: Have you ever intimidated someone so much you made them cry?:
Not that I can remember... I hope not though.
07: How do you calm down when you have been angry?:
Usually call Jo or listen to music OR write an angry email to the person I'm super pissed off with but not send it

| YELLOW is for happiness |
01: Have you ever really experienced true happiness?:
I'd like to think so
02: Do you believe that happiness is something you need to work for, or does it come naturally to you?:
There's a mixture of both ... you need to work at it, but sometimes life just throws happy moments at you, that you can't help but grin from ear to ear like an idiot
03: Are you happy at the moment?:
04: What makes you smile?:
My bro doing something cute, and Stained being nice, and a happy ending
05: Are you known to be quite a smiley person?:
Definitely... so it's ridiculous that I'm not happy right now...
06: What was the last thing that made you happy?:
Spending a good night with my two friends
07: Did you have a happy childhood?:
I don't know... how can I measure it? It was alright... I wasn't a sad child... I just feel like I grew up faster after bro was diagnosed with autism. It didn't make childhood unhappy... it just changed life in general.
08: Or, do overly happy people just get on your nerves?:
If they're obnoxious about it, yes... but generally, no they don't. Those bouncy perky annoying things annoy me though. It seems too fake to be true.

| PINK is for love |
01: Do you believe in true love, or does the idea of it just make you cringe?:
True love, for sure
02: Are you a romantic sort of person?:
03: Have you ever been in love?:
04: If so, what did it feel like?: Can anyone answer this question?
Pleasure and pain. Forgetting the pain the moment pleasure hits you again. Like nothing can harm you. As if you're invincible. As though you can take on the world and you'll win. Feeling like the best. Feeling beautiful. Feeling wanted. As if you'll never be alone again. It's endless. Once you're in love, you will always love. It'll never go away. It feels timeless. Unconditional. Perfectly flawed.
05: Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?:
Hun, gimme a call and let me describe in bloody excruciating detail how much it hurt
06: Have you ever been heartbroken or been the heartbreaker, even?:
Yes... both.
07: Have you ever experienced unrequited love?:
Not exactly...
08: When you’re in a relationship, do you celebrate Valentines Day?:
Yeah ... kind of...

| GREEN is for envy |
01: Are you naturally a jealous sort of person?:
Sort of??? SORT OF???
No ... really... I literally turn green at times.
02: Do you get jealous when in relationships?:
Read the answer to Q1.
03: What kind of things make you jealous?:
It seems as though everything does. The assumption that others get more time than me. Assumptions that others are more important than me when it should be me in numero uno spot. I don't know... stuff that makes me feel not important enough. It's like when animals mark their territory? It's like that... this is MY territory so get the hell off it.
04: Are you ever jealous of your friends?:
Not of my friends...but when someone takes my time meant to be with close friends, I do get jealous. Why would I be jealous of my friends?
05: Have you ever been totally spiteful due to jealousy?:
I think so... like I said, I have it bad
06: Or, have you ever been the victim of someone else’s jealousy?:
I'm pretty sure of it... and during my school years ... of all places...can you imagine???
07: Are you jealous of people with more money?:
Nah ... money doesn't guarantee happiness, does it?
08: What was the last thing to make you jealous?:
Hmmm... that other people get to call you (yes, you) and I can't...

| PURPLE is for passion |
01: Which of your interests are you most passionate about?:
02: Are you passionate about your future?:
Oh yes... this time I'm going to fight harder for it than I ever have before... whatever happens, I'm going to make this work
03: Are you sexually passionate?:
See, this is the part where I turn red...
04: Do you have a high sex drive?:
Refer to answer of Q3
05: Do you think passion is important in a relationship?:
Without any passion... where is the relationship? But it's not the only thing... no way! You need so many things to make it a whole or it'll be empty anyway...
06: Do you think sex is important in a relationship?:
Read answer to previous question
07: How many ‘lovers’ have you had?:
08: What particular beliefs or causes are you passionate about?:
Autism awareness

| ORANGE is for health |
01: Do you think you lead a healthy lifestyle?:
I think not
02: What does your diet consist of?:
What diet?
03: Describe your figure:
I'd prefer the word 'voluptuous' :D
04: Have you ever had an eating disorder?:
No... unless you consider binge eating when upset a disorder.
05: Do you eat fruit and vegetables?:
Yeah ... sure... there was an apple a few months ago I think. And tomatoes in today's chicken curry for sure.
06: Do you play sports?:
Wellllllll ... I *used to* play volleyball. I have no one to play with though...
07: What exercise do you take regularly?:
Ummm ... lifting my fingers to type... using my hands to drive, my legs to push pedals... that sort of thing :P
08: Are you a member of a gym?:
I was... a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

| BLUE is for sadness |
01: Have you ever suffered from depression?:
I've been exceptionally sad for weeks at end sometimes... is that it?
02: Have you ever been on any medication for a mental disorder?:
Eh no...
03: What kind of things make you sad?:
Thinking about death... seeing suffering...wars... thinking about what my brother's life will be like without us...
04: Do you cry often?:
I think I used to...not as much now... but it's easy to make me cry...
05: What was the last thing to make you cry?:
Don't really remember... it could've been the scene in Ghajini where Ghajini whacks Asin's character in the head. I'm positive I shed a tear.
06: Do you think you are very emotional and sensitive?:
Irrevocably yes...
07: Have you ever self harmed or considered suicide?:
Yes... just once I hurt myself when I was upset. Nothing like cutting or whatever... but yeah, I did do it once... not in a hurry to do it again, thank you very much.
08: Who do you go to when you’re sad?:
Jo. Jo. Jo. And some more Jo.
Oh and my pillow offers amazing support. Thank you Pillow.
The Ego
Stolen from Mars ... !!!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I honestly can't say it out loud here!!!

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any resolutions for 2008, and won't for 2009 either. I used to a long, long, long time ago but gave up as I never kept them and why, oh WHY, do we need a new year to make resolutions? Do it any damn time! But keep them if you make them!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Close... hmmm ... not CLOSE friends, but many many MANY acquaintances, yes. Oddly from a cross section of ages. Some are 21 year olds making babies, others are 40 years old or so...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but acquaintances have.

5. What countries did you visit?
Eh, India. Ask me again next year! I can say England!!!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More money?
Okay, materialism aside... ummmm, no... nothing :P
Peace of mind maybe...

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Eh millions of dates came rushing in my head, in this order: 18th June (refer Q1), 26th November (glued to the TV almost 24/7 for 3-4 days from this date), 3rd June (LAST EXAM!!!), and then random days without a clear date in my head...

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Well ... lost some weight and it actually stayed off. It wasn't as though I lost ALL my fat and became a bodalicious babe but even that tiny weight loss that stayed off for the first time in years was like... WOW!

9. What was your biggest failure?
I can't think of any :P

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Apart from colds? No, was pretty alright ... or was that fish zinger this year? *thinks* I can't remember when it was but had a KFC Fish Zinger thing for variety sake, and ended up with a rash that made me look like bees had mercilessly stung me all over my body. Very itchy, I do assure you.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My camera!!! :D

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Jo, as always.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
George Bush Jr, as always :P
Okay, no no ... let's see... Kazz was quite appalling, but that was no surprise (sorry Kazz, just telling it like I see it)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Quite possibly Starbucks, those evil tempters, them

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finishing college...

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Anything by Rihanna...she was all over the place methinks

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
The same I guess... ups and downs happen...
Thinner? :P
Richer (materialistically speaking) and poorer (non-materialistically speaking).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Hmmmm ... again refer Q1

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I think I did everything either too less or just right, so no complaints here

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I DID spend Christmas at Jo's place, as always! OMG the beef was amazing ...

21. Did you meet/date anyone special in 2008?
I had no reason to meet anyone as I already had what I wanted...

[22 was missing] -
Missing... ah... well...

23. How many one-night stands?
Ah none... I'm a relationship type o' person. One man for long periods of time. No flash in the pans for me, sorry.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I'm a bit of a TV addict, so choosing one is hard! Ummm... let's say... Grey's Anatomy?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Of course, you always meet new people whom you hate all the time! And then some old ones get your goat, so add them to the bandwagon.

26. What was the best book you read?
Sadly there was nothing that stood out this year in my mind.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ummm Rihanna? She was okay before but I adored the 'Good Girl Gone Bad' tracks... so it was a re-discovery of sorts.
Oh and I'm still trying to hunt down the soundtrack of 'Twilight'... the goth-rock-dark sounds were quite brilliant.

28. What did you want and get?
More freedom, relatively speaking from the last year...

29. What did you want and not get?
First Class Honours

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmmm, let's see... Was it Wall-E? Or Rock On?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21 this year!!! :)
On my birthday...I went for Microeconomics revision classes, sat in the fire escape staircase while bunking said class, took photos, met Jo and ate Molten Chocolate Cake at Chilis in MOE with her. Party was later!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My bro talking. It would've meant the world to me and my family.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Normal? I am a jeans/black pants with t-shirts/kurtas/two piece tops (and by that I mean a spaghetti and something over it) type of person. Glamour quotient added with lacey transparent things (with a tube or spaghetti inside for goodness sakes!) and mild make up :P

34. What kept you sane?
Jo, Stained and Fud
Regular meetings in coffee shops with Jo

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hmmm ... John Abraham. Decision solely based on Dostana :P:P:P
But honestly speaking, no celebrity or public figure cravings...

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The aftermath of 26/11
The US elections were interesting enough as well

37. Who did you miss?
I miss P and Kazz... they're hardly there anymore... :(

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Best new person? No one. Old is gold, to be cliched.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
People always leave.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Well ... if I was singing to my year, this is what I would say:
"You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white"

Happy New Year y'all ...
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.