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The Ego
Well well well ... the first decade of the 21st century is over. Seems like only a few months ago that people were stressing out about the impending 'Y2K bug' (remember that? :D) and goodness knows what else.

If I had to think of 2009 in random bullet points for myself:
- My grandfather passed away this year; without a doubt the worst time of my life this year and in the last few years anyway...
- Moving out of Dubai to study abroad
- Doing something I promised myself as a child that I'd never do until a certain period of my life arrived... and enjoying it.
- Not being paid for the work I did and getting it after literally hounding that person
- Getting a cool internship with a Dubai-based publishing house
- Going on a two week trip with friends to UK for my graduation... easily the best time I had in 2009
- Today, on 31st, being told by someone that I now possess an 'hourglass figure'. Sweetheart, after being once bullied in a school field by boys who followed me with taunts of 'fatty' ... it felt good to hear you say that... thank you.
- Becoming an active Tweeter

Must be loads of other things though... just a quick review.. of 2009. It wasn't brilliant...but it had its moments. Here's to a good 2010.

Happy New Year everyone ... hope it's a successful one for you.
The Ego
The mind is a wonderful thing. So is imagination. When I read a book - and this I started at a young age - I would imagine what the scene would look like in great detail. It added so much more to the reading experience. That's probably why so many times, people hate movie adaptations of books. They can look wrong. Or they can cast an actor whom readers think don't fit the character at all. I guess I'm most satisfied with the Lord of the Rings series though; the movies were masterpieces.

The mind can also turn against you though. Imagination can be used against you. It can be used to turn against you; it can twist a serrated knife into your flesh and throw salt over all the f***ing wounds in your head.

Shifting between trying to think nothing at all and basically being a zombie to thinking torturous thoughts and screaming so loudly in one's mind that you think you'd actually lose your voice after that... there's not much to choose from is there?
The Ego
Hiya readers of this blog

I'm in Dubai again for a short while before I go back to UK for my next semester and exams. Before my flight, I was petrified I would not make it because of so many flight cancellations in UK coz of the severe weather conditions, i.e., the intensity of the snowstorms. But after hours of de-icing the runway, we took off (We were in the plane the whole time; I saw an entire movie before the plane took off hehe).

Finally landed in Dubai and well, I started sweating. Zip from minus degree weather to sunny 20-something...what else do you expect?

Interesting trip so far. Can't believe how much I missed the water-sprays next to commodes. And shawarmas.

Ummm ... will blog later I guess.
The Ego
It was 6.30am today. A Sunday. Like Dubai's Saturday. Free. Holiday. Weekend. Where people don't need to get up at 6.30am (my Mom wakes me up between 7am-8am in Dubai but here I'm my own mistress, so 6.30am is NO-NO for me!).

BUT I DID WAKE UP.

And why?

I heard the vacuum cleaner on. And my first thought is (and admittedly it consists of foul language but hey... think of the circumstances!), "Who the f*** is vacuuming at this time in the morning on a Sunday?!!??!" I try to cover my ears and go back to sleep but it's not working. The noise goes on...and on... and on... then stops. Then starts again!!! Within 5 minutes, I hear angry voices. Having giving up any hope of heading back to dreamland or nightmareland or whatever, I open my door and see Flatmate1 (refer previous post where Flatmate1 was the one who was complaining, ironically enough, about the noise from Flatmate 2's room) arguing with Ms Green (that is what I'm gonna call my good friend from the flat), with 31 (that's what I'm going to call my other nice flatmate) looking on. I walk towards them and see that Flatmate 1 was using the vacuum in her room. Okay, so am gonna call Flatmate 1 'Sleeper' from now on and Flatmate 2 'The Latecomer' from now on since it looks like I'm going to be blogging about this story more than I thought I had to. The convo went something like so:

Ms Green: Why are you Hoovering at 6.30am in the morning?
Sleeper: I couldn't sleep.
Ms Green: So you decided to wake the whole flat up with your noise? Maybe you can't sleep but that doesn't give you the right to disturb us!
Sleeper: I haven't slept for TWO MONTHS and you don't care!
*The Latecomer comes out of her room at this point*
Sleeper: *points at Latecomer* YOU make SO much noise! I can hear you... HITTING THE WALL with your foot!
Latecomer: Why would I hit the wall with my foot?!?!
Sleeper: I don't know... but you are! I can't sleep!
Ms Green: Are you sure it's not coming from outside?
Sleeper: No. When it comes from outside, I can sleep.
Me: Erm, have you bought ear plugs?
Sleeper: Yes. I still can't sleep.
Ms Green: This is insane. I'm going to complain ABOUT YOU.
31: *addressing Sleeper in a nice, calm way* This is not nice...you must stop.
Sleeper: I don't care if you all can't sleep. I can't sleep either. I will vacuum.

Then the street where I live saw 3 girls walking to the security desk in their pajamas and hoodies.

Fun Sunday morning.
The Ego
Closed Eyes did this and tagged anyone who wanted to do it and it's my way of taking a break from my revisions!!!
I tag Stained and Neel.

1. Were you named after anyone?
No.

2. When was the last time you cried?
I'd say about two weeks back.


3. Do you like your handwriting?
Uhuh, I think it's quite good. Definitely legible and neat. Yea I'm praising myself. What's new?

4. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
I'm not sure. I apparently make terrible first impressions. If I got to know me better, then yes.

5. Do you use sarcasm?
Yup.

6. How do you want your life to be in a couple of years? (realistically please)
Working in a magazine, successful at my work, and probably be settled relationship-wise. Also I want my bro to have spoken by then :)

7. Would you bungee jump?
No. Never. I'm chicken. *squawk*

8. What is your favorite cereal?
I'm not a big fan of cereal; just do corn flakes. Or Chocos.

9. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yus yus.

10. Would you move again?
I have to, in less than a year. No choice.

11. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their hair and the way they behave, i.e. the impression they make.

12. Red or pink?
What a silly question!!! RED!!!

13. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I take on more tension than I need to.

14. What do you miss the most?
Shawarmas.
Okay I lie. I miss Mom, bro, Jo and Stained quite equally.

15. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Whoever I tagged, yes.

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?
My red and pink tartan-design pajamas and my red-pink-black house slippers.

17. What are you listening to right now?
The bzzzzzzzz of my laptop at certain intervals and the noises of my keyboard.

18. What annoys you the most?
People who lie and people who pretend to be something they're not.

19. Favorite smell?
Well for myself? True Star by Hilfiger or Provocative Woman by Elizabeth Arden OR Cool Water by Davidoff. Otherwise I love how my bro smells ...always like talcum powder or something! Oh and Stained's neck.

20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
MOOOMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! :D

21. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Uhuh, she seems cool and is a good writer!

22. Favorite sports to watch?
Can I say none? The only sport I can watch though is cricket. But it's lost its charm lately :(

23. Hair color?
Black? Dark brown?

24. Eye color?
Chocolate :D

25. Do you have any major regrets?
No...

26. Favorite food?
Anything Mom makes. She da best.

27. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy endings

28. Last movie you watched, and with whom?
I saw The Proposal (for the 2nd time) and alone :)

29. What color shirt are you wearing?
Red pajama top...with a cow on it :D

30. Summer or winter?
Ummmm... After experiencing winter in UK... my answer is... Dubai's winter and UK's summer!!! :D

31. Hugs or kisses?
Can I have both? Please? Please? PLEASE???

32. Most likely to respond?
Erm, I won't be surprised if neither.

33. Least likely to respond?
Both whom I tagged :P

34. What book are you reading now?
McNae's Essential Law for Journalists. It's actually quite interesting!

35. What is on your mouse pad?
The...err... mouse? Oh you mean design? It's the car McQueen from the animation movie 'Cars'.

36. What did you watch on tv last night?
I have not seen TV since I've come to UK. Two reasons: one, I have no time; two, you need a TV licence to watch TV here and no one in my flat has the time or wants to watch anything (we all look like haggard bums at the moment coz we're all superbusy). So...nothing!

37. What little thing makes you happy?
When I get phone calls or sms's from my special peeps.

38. Rolling stones or beatles?
Neither.

39. What is the farthest you have been from home?
UNITED KINGDOOOM!!!!!!!

40. Do you have a special talent?
I can read really fast? I think I write well though.

41. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?
Both whom I tagged!!!

42 how did you meet your spouse/significant other?
University

The Ego
Apparently I have a type. Of man that is. Or so Photgrafia says.

We got onto the topic somehow (am STILL not sure how) and after giving up my crush-and-love history which entailed age, nationality (yes I roam across borders :P) and basic physical features, he said this:
I feel like you like to be taken care of. From what I understand..,here is my analysis: you like certain types [who are] smarter or equal; stronger in terms of experience and intelligence, [they are] care-takers or at least seem promising...hence [the men you liked/love are] older. You like mature men than you...not maybe physically but mentally and emotionally.

Anyone care to comment?
The Ego
I was just about to turn in for the night and since I have a mild cough, decided to have some cough syrup before I slept. I went to the kitchen and on a fancy, decided to look out the window and see if it was raining and how much etc. That's when it got...weird?

I went to the windows (which are actually French Windows, i.e., full length glass) and looked out. No rain. But two people gesticulating wildly and so many floors up, I could hear faint but indistinguishable noise coming from them. I switched off the lights and went back to see what was happening. Condemn me for voyeurism if you like, but it did look... unstable. After insane gesturing, suddenly the girl tried to launch herself at the guy who quite volubly pushed her away physically. Once. Twice. Thrice. A few more times. Then she put her hands on her head, as if in despair and then (and I kid you not) prostrated herself on the ground!!! I was like...OH. SHIT. What the hell??? Then she finally got up and then, in a volte-face, he hugged her but in a few moments he jumped back and then they BOTH started shaking fists at each other. This went on for a bit until they walked off, one chasing the other almost ...

Dude...what just happened? :S
The Ego
Well I seem to be posting a lot lately!!! Okay ... I've been tagged by Closed Eyes and... here goes nothing!

THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID
1. I adore animation movies over almost every other genre (sci-fi/fantasy sometimes comes above!!!)
2. I still curl up and hug my mother and sleep when I need her.
3. I use ONLY animation movie bedsheets and towels. Currently Dumbo is on my bed and Tarzan and Jane are on my towel. Finding Nemo is my quilt set. Ya see?

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. I take waaaay more tension than I need to.
2. I have to deal with standing orders and direct debits and stupid credit cards that make me shop online...!!!
3. I already have a huge responsibility on me...

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Be able to walk faster than I do now.
2. Be able to go back to Dubai sooner and more often.
3. Make the important people in my life happy.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY": (I'm not a boy though. Just to clarify.)
1. I drive like boys do, apparently.
2. Pants all the way.
3. Don't wear make-up as such (kajal and chapstick DO NOT count!!!)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Making a snow-person (oh yeah it's going to snow here!)
2. Paintball (I haven't done it yet...*sigh*)
3. Make a magazine on my own. (which will happen in Summer '10 anyway!)

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My amazing ability to stress myself out.
2. My equally amazing ability to jump to conclusions and then fantasize about allll the terrible things that would entail afterward.
3. My carelessness.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: (interpreting this my own way; not sure what it's asking)
1. Because of my mixed parentage, I can speak (however rudimentary) not only Hindi but two other regional languages of India and understand two more at least.
2. I attribute my writing skills to my maternal grandfather, who was a freelance journalist himself.
3. This may sound ridiculous but my skin type is all because of my Mom's side of the family. And it comes from HER Mom's side of the family.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Creepy-crawlies; spiders, cockroaches... all that.
2. Driving or walking down steep inclines.
3. The concept of death.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Cell phones (yes, two. One with my Dubai number, one with my UK number!)
2. Laptop/internet
3. Chapstick

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Neck (it has to be comfortable for me to snuggled into!!!)
2. Hair (sounds weird but I notice a man's hair first... can't stand hair-gel though!)
3. Hands (firm and strong is key!)

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Do a split with my legs.
2. Cut a whole chicken.
3. Watch horror movies.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Journalist.
2. Journalist.
3. Journalist.

TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
1. I miss you so much; I never thought I would...not this much.
2. I hope you think about me...I hope you remember me... I hope it's not 'out of sight, out of mind'. And I love you.
3. Please remember to make rumballs for Christmas...I'll be back then!!!
4. I'm worried you don't have as much time for me as you used to...
5. I found an unexpected friend in you. I mean, we were friends before, but you've been even more amazing over the last month or so... I'm so grateful you're here.
6. I'm sorry if I was short with you when we spoke last. I'm just not sure what to think any more.
7. You may not realize it yet, but after hearing everything...I think you like her. You'll just figure it out much later. But you'll get there.
8. I'm almost a journalist... I hope you're happy :)
9. You've made my life in UK less lonely by being a friend and meeting me even after 6 hour long bus rides.
10. I know your dirty little secret.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Don't smoke. Or get drunk. And don't do porn.
2. Be accepting of who I am as a person.
3. Encourage me when I falter.
4. Lavish attention on me when I need it. Surprise me with attention when I don't.
5. Love me. And show it.
6. Know when to hold me. And do it.
7. Be honest always.
8. Don't treat other girls the way you treat me. There has to be a difference.

SIX songs that really mean something to you
1. Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
2. Rehab by Rihanna
3. How to Save a Life by The Fray
4. You and Me by Lifehouse
5. Disturbia by Rihanna
6. Jaane Kyun from the movie Dostana

FIVE things that cross your mind a lot:
1. Dubai
2. Shawarmas
3. Exams
4. Job prospects in the UK
5. Birthdays

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Check my email.
2. Wash my face.
3. Set the alarm for the next morning.
4. Read sms's on my phone.

THREE foods that mean something to me
1. Mom's baked chicken dish.
2. McDonald's. Especially if it's eaten in a car.
3. French toast.

TWO confessions:
1. Since about 11 years ago, whenever an eyelash of mine falls off, I make a wish. That wish has not changed for the last 11 years.
2. I'm a bit of a stalker.

ONE thing you're thinking about right now:
1. Going to sleep really... hehe...
The Ego
Okay, giving you advance warning for the possibility of another weird post from me. It might even get depressing; who knows!

Right, so here's the deal: it struck me today that I haven't been touched neither have I touched another person since coming here. Okay, before you get your thoughts stuck in the gutter, read on. In Dubai, my Mom would keep patting me sometimes, mostly when I say or do something stupid, so it'd be like a mild slap/pat on my back in exasperation. Sometimes if I had nightmares, I'd make her sleep on my bed, so I'd curl up into her and drift off to sleep. My bro is ALWAYS physically around. If he's not hugging me (read: strangling :P), he's pinching me or hitting me (for real!!! :D) and I constantly pat him on his head (coz he's cute :D) or hug him or give him a kiss. Also, I have a physical aspect of my relationships with Stained and Jo.

Ummmmm... here, I think I shook hands with a few people two months back. But err...apart from that, in essence I haven't felt another human being's skin/flesh/whatever you want to call it, since September.

And it's weird.
The Ego
The thing that goes bump in the night here...

... is my flatmate.

For a little background, I share my flat with 5 other girls. During the first week of uni, only 5 of us (including me, i.e.) had arrived. We had all but given up hope that the 6th room would be filled, when she arrived. So it was a full house from then on.

A few weeks back, the entire flat woke up at 0336 hrs. It was security banging on our door. Why? Flatmate1 had called them on Flatmate2 (the new girl). Why? Because 1 claimed 2 was making lots of noise that woke her up. Prior to this, 1 had been to the management many times, complaining about her, and also complaining to the mentor assigned to our flat.

Now it does sound terrible, especially if she wasn't getting any sleep and 2 was making so much noise. BUT ... and here's the crunch ... when asked what noises they were that woke her up... she said it was the drawer opening and closing and squeaky noises. Eh. Wot? Apparently, the mentor assigned to our flat was made to come to our flat past midnight because 1 said 2 was making a racket. The mentor said she heard nothing except for normal noises you'd expect if you share a thin wall with someone else. But nothing that could warrant 1's incessant complaining. She (i.e. our mentor) is completely fed up and said she doesn't want to come to our flat anymore for something stupid like this. I don't blame her.

This weekend that just went by? 1 called security. Again. This time around 0130 hours. The entire flat woke up again. Next day me and another flatmate went to the mentors ourselves and told them we don't want security coming for this complaint as we all honestly think 1 is imagining things.

The worst part is, when 1 says 2 is making noise, she NEVER knocks on 2's door and tells her that she's disturbed, so 2 has, in effect, no clue whatsoever what exactly is bothering 1. In fact, 2 has become so annoyed, she thinks 1 won't talk to her because of the colour of her skin!!! Plus when everyone keeps telling 1 to just tell 2 immediately when she hears the noise so if it is a legitimate concern, at least 2 will know what the issue is. 1 refuses to speak to her.

A while back, I overheard 1 telling some guy (obviously not from our flat) that she thinks her flatmates (that would be me and the 4 others) think she's mad because she complains about 2.

Ya think???
The Ego
I remember when I was leaving Dubai, Jo said I'm going to go to the UK and have lots of fun and party and make loads of new friends.

I have come to the UK.
I do like my life here.
I don't party. Not because I cannot but because I choose not to.
And while I do have friends, possibly 'very good acquaintances' are a better way of putting it.
I spend most of my weekends alone.
I realized I'm not someone who enjoys a solitary life. I need people around me.
I haven't spoken to my friends from Dubai much. Well, not as much as I'd like.
My course is going very well.
Oh and I learned how to cook. Another good thing.
Seeing new places. Also good.
I miss shawarmas.

I can't wait to come back to Dubai.
The Ego
When someone says they're never ever ever going to indulge in a sexual innuendo or a double entendre and that they're disgusted when ABC and XYZ do it ... AND THEN end up typing something like that online - supposedly by mistake - you'd think they'd delete it? The tools we have available online are amazing: there often always is a 'delete' button. It. Is. Meant. To. Be. Used. With a click of a button, WHAM... your "mistake" is gone.

But instead of removing said mistake, you just leave it there and say oh my that sounds weird. Well if it sounds weird... take it off.

Amazed at internet ignorance (as much as these kind of actions indicate the person did it purposely ie left it online and wanted people to see it, I cannot stretch myself to think that of this particular person). Disappointed in a way. Also feel it is hypocritical on their part.

Ah well...
The Ego
I do laundry at timed intervals. Simply because I cannot force myself to spend £3 (or about AED18.6 at the moment) to wash and dry just a small handful of clothes.

Anyway, I've found something great to do with the time my clothes are in the washing machine and dryer, 38 minutes plus 50 minutes respectively. Most people leave the clothes there, come back and pick them up. Not me. No sirrreeeee! I sit there, I plonk myself down, I lay siege to that room... and I study.

Really.

It's BRILLIANT. I have 88 minutes of uninterrupted time. My cell phone is on silent and stuffed in my bag. I don't have my laptop and consequently the internet to distract me, and most of the times I've used the laundry for this purpose, I practice shorthand or catch up on my reading for various classes.

One problem though: I find it weird when transferring the wet clothes from the washing machine to the dryer and later, from the dryer to my bag... Why? Because if the room is not empty, I'm mildly uncomfortable with other people possibly catching a glimpse of the...err...more personal items in the laundry. I've adopted a camouflage tactic in this regard: I reach my hand in the machine, bundle the personal items inside something else, like a t-shirt or something and then transfer that entire bundle into the bag. Most of the time it works. Sometimes it has not. Then I hope my super-fast (or what I hope is super-fast) sleight of hand will keep those items undetected.

I mean, I doubt anyone is purposely looking at me emptying the dryer or the machine; I know I don't look at people doing that. But you never know, right?
The Ego
This is ridiculous.

I started typing something out, wrote a good three-four paragraphs but then ended up hitting Shift+Up and then Delete.

Then I typed about 20-30 words and started hitting the Backspace button furiously.

You know it's bad news for an anonymous blog when you wonder if someone might figure out who you are after reading what you have to say. Or worse, wonder if the person(s) mentioned in the post might see it, figure out who THEY are and then get miffed.

Shit. Where do I let off what was brewing inside me now???

I do NOT want to start another anonymous blog (although to be VERY honest, I've been toying with that idea lately); I already have another blog apart from this one with my real name on it, meant for...well non-personal things. Three blogs to handle? I don't think so.

Maybe if I get high on coffee or chocolate or MAYBE if I'm really really pissed off, I might say, To HECK with everyone, I'll post whatever I want.

Or not.
The Ego
This week is 'Proud to be Postgraduate' week ... so there are seminars, events and outings geared specifically for us doddering PGs.

I went to one such seminar today; it dealt with the procedure as to how to stay in the UK after our courses end. Currently the way out is to wait until our results come out (mid- to end of November 2010) and then apply for a Post-Study Work Visa which extends stay in the UK for another two years after which one can transfer to another tier in the visa list and AFTER completion of which one gets the option of becoming a resident. Of course this all implies that we do actually work in the UK as opposed to not!

Anyway, apart from that, the requirements revolve around money, of course, and having specific documents.

And one other thing.

I cannot travel out of the UK from the end of September 2010 if I want to apply for this visa from within the UK. If I do travel out, there is a very high chance that I will not be allowed entry again even though my student visa is valid till end of January 2011. It's a bit too lengthy to explain so I won't get into it (once the PSW visa is approved though, I can travel in and out whenever I like).

But the implied ban on travelling raised many questions, doubts and problems for me.
Do I want to work in the UK after my Masters? Is it worth it? Do I take the effort of keeping a constant amount of £800 in my bank (if ever in the 3 months prior to my application, my bank balance goes even a penny below this sum, I get refused a visa. Oh and if I do leave UK and apply for this visa from Dubai, I can do it, but instead of showing £800, I need to show £2800!!!)? Do I construct my trips to Dubai in such a way that my UAE visa doesn't get cancelled? Do I want to spend the £500 TO apply for the PSW visa? Logistics and money questions are spinning in my head.

I'm coming to Dubai in December and going back to UK in January. If I decide that yes, I want to take the effort to work in the UK for a bit, then the only way out is to come back to Dubai in July before 6 months are up, and hope that my UK visa gets sorted by Jan 2011 before 6 months are up for my UAE visa to get cancelled. And I need to figure out if my family can afford my stay in the UK for a few additional months (rent, living costs!) PLUS the £800 that needs to stay constant in my bank.

I'm lost...

And to add to this, potentially the Tories will come to power in the May general election here, which means>>>>>>>>>>>> potential policy changes! They could become stricter with these visas to be honest... what do I do then?

Much to think about and much to discuss with my family in a few days.
The Ego
I think this post might come as a complete surprise and perhaps, shock to people who know me well. So ... don't freak out y'all ... this is probably and hopefully a passing phase.

I think I might've mentioned before how many people are getting engaged, married, having babies, becoming grandparents (ok, not grandparents, but you get my point) lately. I've always been, and still am, of the viewpoint that people getting married at the age of 18 or say, even 20-21 is a tad too young. Girls, and even boys no doubt, have not experienced life on their own, have not formed world-opinions yet and don't, I feel, have the necessary mental and emotional grit to indulge in a life-long committment. Heck, 18 year olds get bored of their phones in a few months. Not that I mean to compare phones and spouses, but life-long at 18? A bit much IMO. Unless of course, you're shackled in a bit of undying love a lá Romeo and Juliet (Okay not really...coz as you know, they kicked the bucket pretty fast and if you ask me, Romeo was a bit too flighty).

What's my overall conclusion? Marriage is not for the young and the naïve, but for the slightly-older and wiser (but girls, please don't get married after you're too old...only because childbirth is harder, and no other reason).

I'm 22 and I'm studying for my Masters degree as readers of this blog and my friends might know. I'm not particularly interested in getting married and DEFINITELY do not want children any time soon (read: well...if I have kids, will pop them out before I'm 30 and be done with it).

So what's the problem???

Erm...well.

I *think* I want to get married :S

NO WAIT WAIT WAIT DON'T FALL OFF THE CHAIR! READ ON PLEASE!!!

I don't want to get married NOW. I'm just 22 for cryin' out loud and I haven't even finished my Masters yet! It's just that I feel like the girls and boys whom I know who are engaged are lucky in the sense that they do care for the person they're engaged to (at least, the people I know anyway), and love them enough to want to be with them. Having someone, having a person you know is pledging to be with you literally forever (although pledges NEVER equal firm life-long committment and we ALL know that!), is something I'm currently envying in a I'm-happy-for-them-and-envy-their-happiness way (not a IHATETHEMFORFINDINGHAPPINESS way).

So what I'm saying is, those who know who you're ending up with, or if you've already ended up with them... good for you and I hope you remain happy! :)
The Ego
Two anxiety/panic attacks in the span of two weeks is NOT good. I haven't slept all night. Literally. Considering I've been up tonight, hopefully I should get sleep tomorrow night!

This time, instead of panicking and calling the health service like I did the last time (I've had panic attacks before, and got myself checked when in Dubai; I know what I'm dealing with but it's harder to when I'm alone here), I called the nightline service. That's the listening service the uni offers from late night till early morning for nutcases like me who can't sleep and need someone to randomly chatter with. It was weird at first, but kind of felt good to unload my thoughts on a stranger; no names are exchanged or numbers stored on this service... which is why it's popular. Anonymity is guaranteed. The person on the other line was suitably attentive and helpful. Anyway I got a number for an anxiety clinic that's run by the university; plan to check them out.

I called Jo after that...she called me back and spoke to me for 15-20 mins. It felt so good to hear her, to be able to connect to my life in Dubai. To be able to tell her that hey, I'm doing well in some areas and not so well in others.

I guess tonight was brought on by the fact that I was missing home ... today was ... no... IS an important day and I sort of purposely screwed it up ... although to be fair, I didn't realize my meddling would get such bad consequences... ah well.

I need to fix this..............................
The Ego
The Indian and Arab Society held a joint social in a nearby pub. I decided to attend; I probably wouldn't have if it was just an Indian Soc social. I just figured: I'm an Indian girl who's lived in an Arab country for over 19 years now...it sounds perfect!

I got asked for ID at the door of the pub! Now, as flattered as I'd like to feel, there is no way possible I even look close to 18 years of age, much less under it! Anyway, after my last fiasco, I had gone prepared: my passport copy was in my purse. It worked and I got in.

And as usual, I turned up on time. I guess I should've remembered the 'Indian' golden rule and been late. Anyway, after a some 15-20 mins of twiddling my thumbs and thinking this was a terrible idea, people started trailing in and I got talking to people.

I met more Arabs rather than Indians, which was FINE by me. I didn't meet anyone from U.A.E. though :( ... I met Syrians, Lebanese, Egyptians, Iranis, and Saudi Arabians. In fact, quite a few of the girls there were from Saudi. One asked me how I was dealing with Sheffield and I said the weather is something I need to get used to. She nodded and said she understood, and that Jeddah and Dubai had many similarities when it came to weather. Then she stopped, shook her head and said, oh no, Dubai must be better; I feel hotter because I have to cover myself whenever I go outside my house. [I suppose that makes it hotter for the female, especially if they don't normally wear an abaya apart from in public because of the law? I don't know, so if anyone else has any input on this, do let me know. I would, personally, think that when it's hot people aim to wear light clothing, so to have something extra and all-covering might make it a bit warmer]

I asked one Arab girl (also from Jeddah she said), if she knew if I could get shawarmas over here. I'm desperate to have them! And she said, "You know, I've lived here for 3 years but I've never seen shawarmas here! Will ask around for you; just email the society later and I'll try to help." WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????

I also got offered a free vodka shot...which was RED in colour. The people opposite me got a few too many and one guy said, HERE! I looked at the red, remembered that I do like vodka, but declined and said I don't drink. Me and my morals.

Then I had LOADS of fun: there was an instrumental jamming session between the two societies...the guitar was the first choice of instrument. One guy played Atif Aslam's Aadat and most got singing. Then another guy strummed to a song from Rock On ... then two Arab guys got on with a drum thing and a banjo-type instrument and they were BRILLIANT! I didn't understand any words (except Habibi :D) but they played SO well and sang equally well. It was a lot of fun. Then others came back on later and did some Bryan Adams and stuff like that.

Suddenly, some Indian guys started screaming "Play sutta!" and I was like, eh wot? So one guy got on the guitar, another sat next to him and started singing about ... well ... m****ch*d sutta and the chorus went m****ch*d, b**ch*d and stuff like that and I was like, THIS is a SONG? There was this girl in front of me who couldn't believe it either. Her boyfriend (I assume he was her boyfriend or else he wouldn't have been nibbling her ear) heard me say incredulously, "This CANNOT be a song!" and he said, "Oh those are Hindi words..." and I was like, "Erm so?" and he said, "OMG you understand Hindi?" and I said, "Well I am from Bombay, what else do you expect?" and he said, "Aaaaah I thought you were Arab!" and I'm all...not again :S Anyway, APPARENTLY, it's a song by some Pakistani group. Jeez. Why???

Anyway after a while, when the DJ started playing music, I left :)

When I'm in Dubai, I beg to stay out late and when I'm in the UK, I leave early. Terrible. :P

PS - I HAD BAKLAVAS! I HAD BAKLAVAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Ego
So today everyone on my course suggested going out in the evening ... there's a huge pub culture here so that's what the plan was. I decided, what the heck, let me see if I like it...and if I don't, well I never have to go again!

Met up with them at this pub near my place and that was fine... had a Coca-Cola and ended up talking to friends for a while. Then (because apparently this is how things work), they moved on to another pub. I went along as well.

Then after a while there, they decided to go to this place, kind of like a club... where there's a DJ and music etc. I again thought, well, let's see if this is something I'd like (never really done it before so I wouldn't know). So I bought the entrance ticket and then after standing in the damn queue, when I reached the entrance... I was denied entry because I didn't have ID on me that showed my DOB. I'm 22 but obviously they had to check. They said: get something with DOB on it or you can't get in. Fair enough.

My problem was this: they refused to give me a refund. They just kept parroting the same line about my ID with DOB and I was like, why the hell am I going to walk all the way back to my flat, get a passport copy and THEN walk back and then walk back later? That's just insane! They kept saying they couldn't do anything about it and so on and so forth. One of my friends said she'd walk me home (coz she knew I'm not used to walking home alone or being out at night).

I'm glad my friend walked me home though ... ppl are thoroughly drunk in the streets and doing WEIRD things, let me tell ya. I don't think I have the stomach or rather, I have some shame to not even repeat what they were doing.

I'm just so annoyed about the loss of the ticket money, as opposed to not being able to go in. Definitely not going to go again. I'm just turned off by the whole idea now, so not even interested in trying it out.
The Ego
Read a cool and evocative piece on another blog (I Open Up) and decided to have a stab at writing on the same topic. Mine isn't as good though. Read on anyway!!!

The sun shined down on them. The heat wasn't oppressive, yet enough to let them feel uncomfortable. Oddly enough, they weren't. As they approached the beachfront, she took off her boots and enjoyed the feel of the sand grains through her toes, while at the same time feeling her stomach clenched in tension and apprehension.

They kept walking. Silently. Unsure. Towards the edge ... where sand met water... what were they going to do? Would a decision on their future be made today?

She kept walking and he kept following. Oblivious to his surroundings, wondering what she was going to say. She finally stopped, knowing that she could put this off no longer.

"Well?" he asked tentatively.

She said nothing.

He said her name, adding a question mark to the end of it, unsure if he should ask again or forget this forever.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and nodded.

It was done. She decided to commit herself to him.

He smiled, bursting through the seams with the uncontrollable happiness now spreading through him. He held out his hand and she took it. They walked a little way and he stopped and stood in front of her. She was feeling shy and couldn't understand it. His hands came on her shoulders and he asked her to look at him. She couldn't. Some unimaginable force kept her eyes fixed firmly at her feet.

Coaxing didn't work. Even though much taller than her, he dropped his head lower and planted his lips on hers. That seemed to work. She did look up but closed her eyes again. And when he finally parted from her, she opened her eyes, fixed it on the beautiful expanse of water behind them and said in a surprised tone: "Okay."

Her first kiss.

See what inspired me to write one of my own! Although mine isn't as cool as the way she's writter her piece!!!
The Ego
The funny thing about going away somewhere, leaving everyone right where they were?

You expect things and the people will stay the same.

They don't.

I thought I would be the extremely sensible one (and the people who personally know me are right now reading this and going: "HAH!") and think, well obviously I can't expect things and people to stay the same! The people I know have a life too!

Yeah, not so much.

It's not like OMG I'm dying out here and I'm not enjoying my life here. I enjoy my course, as demanding as it may be and even though there are a few twats out here, there are a fair good bunch as well whom I do honestly get along with and enjoy spending time with.

Jo says she's going out for a dinner and has to get offline. Really? Does she have to go? Why is she going out for dinner without me? (Uh and then the rational part of me says, well erm did you think she'd mope at home? Well... NO... but...I don't know!). Stained has to go out for a movie and he's going offline as well. Really? Does he have to go? Why is he going for a movie without me? And so on and so forth.

Of course the rational bit of me kicks in and says, well ... you're going out too (to play board games in a local coffee shop and eat free cheesecake; to watch old - anywhere from decades to two months old - movies for Dhs12; to go for hikes) ...

But I think there's this niggling annoying thought in my head that there won't be a place for me when I go back. Or that I'll be adjusted into the new lives of my friends.

Anyone else experience this when they moved away from home? Or is it just my insanity kicking in?
The Ego
I don't live alone. I share a flat with 4 other girls. I don't take classes alone. My specialization course has about 15-16 people including me, and when we share classes with the other specializations, we have over 100. I've made friends...in my flat, in my building, in my course, a few of whom I speak to everyday inspite of not sharing classes with some of them.

But at night...when I'm alone in my room...boy, am I lonely.

Like tonight, my good friend in my flat isn't home; she's gone over to stay the night at her boyfriend's flat... which left me with a very empty evening. I don't resent that (it's the weekend...her bf is in the same city...why not?). Luckily I remembered I could listen to UAE based radio stations online; been doing that for a few hours now... feels familiar.

On a positive note, after two lectures with her, my course leader knows my name. It's good because so far she remembers the names of only two or three of us for all the right reasons (this is why this is a big deal to me). The first lecture I got pulled out for doing something right, that no one else did. Same goes for the second lecture. I want to do as much as I can right ... and leave an impression. So I'm hoping my current streak continues.

Leaving you with a song ... I'll leave it to you to Youtube it if you like the lyrics:

"I don't believe you" by Pink
I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
Looks like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
'Cause I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
'Cause I, 'cause I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion's there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you

--------------------------

Bon soir mes amis ...
The Ego
Intro Week is coming to an end tomorrow, which is probably why it's been mildly surreal till now, as opposed to me figuring out what exactly my study life is going to be like. That will begin from Monday.

Anyway, a bit of my experiences till now...

I've been attending events related to postgraduates, international students, movies, bowling outings, game nights and the like. It's been interesting to meet people from literally all over the world, all with different perspectives and world-views. Specifically pointing to my journalism course, I'm the only Indian in my specialization and one among three from the entire journalism postgrad group. Mildly odd that. Anyway, the journalism postgrad group are, till now, a good bunch. We met over an informal social with juice and cake and desserts at this brilliantly old-fashioned building...I wish I'd taken photos of it, but I didn't. I think I do have classes there as well, so will probably take a few shots of its amazing architecture and interior design. Apart from the journalism group, the general postgrad and international bunch are so diverse, I feel as though I'm at a model UN of sorts.

Adjustments are more in the mode of weather and taking care of myself without my mother to fall back on. Weather...well, I've a rule of thumb that has been working over the last few days: if it's sunny, it's still windy but wear the thinner sweater as it'll get HOT climbing uphill; if it's cloudy, it'll be freezing no matter whether it's windy or not, so wear the thicker jacket. It's working till now. Hopefully it will last. It's been drizzling on and off over the last two-three days. Have not bothered with the umbrella or anything... Taking care of myself involves cooking, cleaning, buying household supplies. Who knew there were so many different kinds of dishwashing liquid? I'm lucky in a way; one of my flatmates is just super-helpful and having lived on her own for a few years now is guiding me if I need anything.

Electric gas stoves are terrible. Old fashioned fire spouting from little holes on the stove totally win.

Getting used to a culture different from the UAE is a little odd...I mean, here at student union poster sales you'll find big posters of naked women, posters about alcohol and stuff like that at their weekly poster sale. Condoms are given out for free at various spots to encourage safe sex as opposed to getting STIs and all that (which is good in a way; keep a level head and only do it if you must...no regrets later is what you're aiming for). Thinking twice before ordering bacon because hey, am I eating pork? (No, I'm not Muslim and no, I have no issues eating pork... merely pointing out differences between Dubai and where I am right now). Just last night on my way back home on the public transport this guy was literally eating this girls'face with his hands (and I am NOT making this part up) on her butt, but inside her pants!!! I was looking at the ceiling, outside, at my feet, even at my fingernails...anywhere but there. Doesn't help when said public transportation is packed and his hands move from her butt to her boobs directly in my line of vision. Thankfully this time, at least his hands stayed outside her clothing as opposed to inside. GET A ROOM PEOPLE!!! I mean, no one's saying don't show your gal a little love, but not SO MUCH love!!!

Oh guess what... I found a shop just a minute away from my flat...THAT SELLS MASAFI JUICE! How freaky is that??? And even weirder, yesterday I met a girl doing her PG as well...who is also Indian, who has also lived in Dubai since she was a child and... lives LITERALLY 5 minutes away from me! I can pretty much WALK to her house in Dubai! These little portals to Dubai make me feel good...oh, and I signed up for the Indian Society. Another thing I can identify with. Feels good to have dual identification points. Oh but I met another Indian who annoyed my socks off. Why? Within 40 seconds of meeting me, she asked which religion I'm from. I'm Pastafarian this week and a Scientologist the next...so there. (No, not really...am just quipping)

Anyway, that's about it for now.

Au revoir.

PS - Is anyone missing me yet? :)
The Ego
After being in UK for almost a week now, I can say that people actually know where Dubai is and what it's all about! Here's a few experiences I had when I told people I lived in Dubai:

- Dubai! WOW! That's where Ski Dubai is!!! (About 2-3 people said this)

- DUBAI! WOW! Isn't that where all the buildings are? (Yes dahling, because there are no other buildings in the world)

- Oh okay... you live in Dubai... do you know XYZ? (Eh no... did you think Dubai was just me and XYZ in it?)

- Oh wow you live in such an exciting place!!!

- I went to Dubai last year! It's SO cool... you must have a blast living there!

- Dubai...beaches, shopping and tall buildings. Love it.

And finally ... here's the top of a flyer of the architects society of my university. I picked up a flyer only to be asked by the reps of that society if I was going to join. I said no I'm not an architecture student; I just live in the city of the Burj Al Arab. She said, Ah. Wow.

The Ego
In about 6 hours or so, I'll be off to UK! It's a bit odd really. Today was spent in packing and meeting people. One of them, to be honest, was a bit of a surprise. And one no-show was equally, if not more, hurtful. Anyway, met a few friends, called a few later, spent time at my grandmom's house and had one friend drive to my house at night to meet me as well. Was nice. Finished with the packing. Somehow. I'm nervous. You know when you get nervous and your stomach is doing somersaults and the food that you didn't eat is rising up to your throat? That's how I feel. This isn't just any trip I'm taking ... it's not a vacation... it's a semi-permanent move, at least for the next one year, if not more. The thought of living alone, being away from my family and loved ones is slowly starting to sink in. It will really hit me though once I'm alone in my room there. Wow. I'm really off to get my postgraduate degree. Wow.
I'll post once I get my internet connection sorted out over there. See ya soon!
The Ego
I've been meaning to make this post for months now but I always put it off. No longer!

Anyway, there was a time when I was short on cash (and I felt I didn't want to borrow a lot from my Mom) so I accepted a 'friends's' invite to join her/him for a market survey of sorts. I think till date I've gone for three or four and after the final experience, I was SO fed up, I refused to go henceforth when I was called. Here's why:

First experience
We were a group of maybe 10 young adults for a focus group related to a media company. This was fun simply because I actually liked the topic, I had no qualms talking about the company that organized the focus group and *this initially struck me as odd, but I understood more later* I agreed to praise the company because I actually believed then it was better than its competitors. Ok, so far, so good. Money and vouchers in my pocket.

Second experience
HUGE market survey of over 100-200 people. Free food. Vouchers. This time, we were not intimated as to who the organizing company was so there was no bias. Extremely professional.

By now I began getting calls for random things from this lady who organized the participants in my first experience with such things (once, a surveyor was so desperate to get people to participate, she kept begging and was almost in tears and I agreed to let her survey me as though I was someone who drinks often, which I thought was a rather odd experience as I honestly had no idea what I was talking about). But what struck me as odd was the insistence of the woman who put together the focus groups that whatever happens, we HAVE to praise the company that organized the survey or focus group. I was quite disillusioned then. I mean, isn't the whole point of such focus groups or surveys that we know what the public think? Apparently not. She had to please the people hiring her and apparently they only wanted to hear good things about their company. Great way to improve guys.

Third experience
Focus group. I wasn't told (an error on their part) who organized the group. I was happily praising the outlet I liked the best, and then during a break, the lady who put together the groups for such occasions literally hissed at me, asking why the hell I was praising X company when I was supposed to be rooting for Y, and that I've ruined everything and goodness knows what else. After that I stayed quiet for the remainder of the session. I wasn't interested in retracting what I said or praising Y when I honestly thought that X was better.

At the end of the third experience, I found out that even though the organizer's requirement was a certain age group in the female gender, this particular focus group had ladies who were WAY older than the cut off point; one of them honestly looked younger than she was and the other used her completely covered self to pass herself off to be in her 20s.

I never went for another survey again. And now I don't trust all survey reports or focus group findings. I've seen its underbelly and it's not nice.
The Ego
There are just ten days left for me to leave. Bah. Looking forward to it, but already missing the important people in my life.

* * * * *

Why is it that I always, always, always end up caring and loving someone more than they love me? Is there anyone (apart from my family possibly) who loves me more than I love them? I honestly doubt it. It hurts you know.

* * * * *

I stood in IKEA today in a 12 by 12 metre enclosure and tried to imagine living there for one whole year. They have these display rooms in IKEA right? Now they've started (or maybe they were always there and I never noticed) writing on a placard on a side of the display room what the size of the room is. I found on that was 12 square metres and said, THIS is MINE! It wasn't too bad. Smaller than I'm used to, but I think I can handle it.

* * * * *

I woke up today with a huge smile on my face. My dreams were so sweet last night... am feeling down now for no good reason. I wish I could talk to you and feel better. But ... ah well...

* * * * *

Goodnight... another blog post soon I think!
The Ego
As regular readers of this blog might know, I'm going to the UK for further studies within a matter of weeks (irrespective of petty threats made by idol-worshipping flunkies, more about whom I shall speak about in another post).

Obviously there's quite a bit of shopping to be done, and today was no exception. My mother and I went out today to buy necessary provisions and during the course of our shopping, we entered a store that we frequent quite a bit as they do have good clothes available. Correction: "used to" have good stuff.

We entered the store (which had recently undergone a revamp of sorts) and realized the structural changes were reflected in the choice of clothing they had on offer. Sorry to break it to ya, but selling thick-n-long coats, trenchcoats, a coat thing that looked like a fur rug, sweaters and other paraphernalia we associate with below 15 degrees temperature seems like a bit of an odd thing to do. I think only people like me who are moving to colder weather for a bit might even be vaguely interested in your wares. Although dahlings, Dhs100 for that uber-cute sweater with hoodie is a bit much in my opinion. If it wasn't Dhs100, I would've totally bought it...it was ADORABLE and nice and thick, and nice colour selection too. Definitely not to be worn in Dubai though. Otherwise the person wearing it would melt. For a while, when walking about in that store, I felt as though I'd already gone to UK and was walking around in one of their departmental stores, looking for warm clothing for the winter ahead.

Why would a respected store sell woollies in this weather? Why? And why, even in Dubai's winter, would anyone wear those things over here? A mystery.
The Ego
When I read this post ... I had to ask the blogger's permission to re-post it here. She agreed. To read more, go to her blog: "I open up..."

The following is the post she made, which I kept reading again and again... I just loved it!!!

I closed my eyes to perpetuate the dream
As your fingers linger on my palm, a tickle runs down my stomach. The butterflies make it almost impossible to respire. Something churns up in my gut. I disincline to see any more of the world. I find my heavens when I melt down in your arms…

As your lips brush against my neck, the blood in my veins gushes at a much faster pace. The breathing becomes eccentric as my heart begins to throb in its own beautiful melody in my throat, choking the words that I was trying to convey…

As your palms fondle my cheeks and you set your mischievous gaze on me, I condone the whole universe and its magnetism ceases to cast its spell on me. I blithely drown in the pulchritude of your hazel eyes and the warmth of your caress so tender and loving. It becomes herculean to keep up with the smoldering stare of yours. You kiss my eyelids and send the chastest of the sentiments down to my heart…

As you leave the impressions of your lips on my forehead, I urge for the moment to never end. I desire for the time to stop. I crave to live eternities in the allure of that moment. I yearn to be yours forever…You stroke my hair and bring me closer to your smooth bare chest, I lose my sentiments and break free into the intimacy of the second…I don’t yearn for anything else as you take me in your embrace and sweep me off the sheets…I wrap my arms around your muscular back and close my eyes with serenity because I know that I’m secure and blessed in your seal…

And, I open my eyes, the dark in the room disturbs my vision, the tick tock of the wall clock penetrates into my eardrum, and the cooling in the room pierces my cold skin…A tinge of pain in my heart is all I feel because I was woken up to reality…And I close my eyes to perpetuate the dream…
The Ego
Listening to music is by far one of my most favourite activities. However due to certain associations, some songs have either become a new favourite or something I tend to avoid. The avoiding part is a pity as some of the songs I now avoid are actually some of the best songs I've ever heard.
Here's a list of some songs that come to mind, and what I think of them:

- Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Easily my most favourite song... I can never ever ever avoid this song no matter what happens in my life as THIS is the mother of all romantic-cum-depressing songs!

- How To Save A Life by The Fray
Another favourite, thing song reminds me of the friends I've really cared about so much yet have lost touch with them, or am not purposely friendly with anymore. It makes me be thankful for the friends I do have, and the ones who really love me.

- Walking Away by Craig David
I haven't listened to this song in over two years, even though this is (in my opinion) one of Craig David's best songs. I guess I've a negative connotation associated with it. The lyrics are so identifiable and you think, wow it could be me singing this song! I shall listen to it again, but not any time soon. Just bugs the hell out of me at the moment!!!

- Rehab by Rihanna
One of my fav Rihanna songs, it makes me think of the broken situation in which many of us (whether girls or guys) are left in when you're no longer with your significant other. Identify with this line a LOT: And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you"...

- You and Me by Lifehouse
One of the best romantic songs I've heard, I can't get enough of it. Also one of my individualized ringtones. Lifehouse in general is brilliant.

- Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Used to be a favourite, but I haven't heard it in over 2 years; a deliberate omission. Every time this song comes on the radio, I switch stations, not wanting to think about the time when I was the stupidest person on the planet to trust Kazz. I now, very honestly, say that I wasted my time, I wasted my emotions and I sure as hell wasted my tears on someone who had no intention on reciprocating and literally cheated me of being happier sooner. I bear no ill-will towards him, I'm just annoyed with myself for wasting precious moments on someone who didn't deserve it from me.

- (Looking at you) Through The Glass by Stone Sour
*More or less the same explanation as Chasing Cars*

- I'll Be There For You by the Rembrandts/All ABBA songs
Jo...this song always always always ALWAYS makes me think of you. When it rains or pours, you rush to my side without fail. I can only hope that I show you the same amount of love that you show me. Also ... every ABBA song makes me think of you ... !!! Voulez-vous...AHA!

- She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
Easily the best song by Maroon 5 I've heard yet, I haven't listened (again deliberately) to this song for exactly a year now. I love this song so much ... I hope to listen to it again soon (I don't think I even loaded it on my iPod because I didn't want to take the risk of hearing even the first few notes).

Some of you might think I'm being stupid; associating songs with people or events, but it happens to all of us, in my opinion. There are some songs that you'll always associate with a particular thing or person, never mind if that person doesn't really figure in your life anymore, or the pain or happiness they made you feel don't exist anymore. Possibly when the negative feelings itself disappear, I will be able to hear the songs again without much feeling...but till then...

...I shall wait.
The Ego
I enjoy reading. You think I would, considering I have 700+ books at home. And not much place to keep them!

Anyway, while I enjoy a wide genre of books, every now and then I return to the fairytale trash sort of books. You know, the ones where there are loads of problems for the guy and the girl but they overcome all of them and come together in the end. All that sort of fairytale thing.

It starts when we're children. We're taught that no matter how many evil stepmothers there are (a TERRIBLE stereotype I might add; step-mothers are unnecessarily getting a bad name), Snow While will get her Prince Charming. We learn that even if there's a boorish Gaston, Belle will find the man behind the Beast. We think that even if the step-sisters and step-mother gang up on you, the glass slipper will find its way onto Cinderella's foot. We apply all of this to ourselves...

Then we make the mistake of reading trash romance. Where again, no matter how the protagonists hate each other, they will fall in love and escape the scheming clutches of the other woman or the evil man or goodness knows what else.

And then we don't know whom to blame when our own fairytale comes crashing down around us.
The Ego
I was in another room when my Mom got a call from my Dad who was just outside the house. Yes I know he could've come back in, but we had had the floors wiped as we do every week, so it was easier to call. Ah technology.

ANYWAY, I then heard my Mom go, "WHAT?" Then, "No, what's wrong with you? Those are her DVDs... her FRIENDS box set and Twilight DVD! Bring them back!!!"

At this point, the conversation didn't sound too hopeful so I ran to where she was and asked what on earth was going on.

It seems that the men who come to help clean the house thought the big bag holding my FRIENDS box set (original, yes) and the Twilight DVD was meant to be TRASHED *GASP* and had taken the bag outside (without even ASKING anyone) and kept it near the trash bin which gets emptied everyday by the garbage collectors. My father, very luckily, decided to see what was in that bag and called wondering why I wanted to throw away my original DVDs. I did not want to do any such thing.

Crisis averted.

Oh my goodness...to think my precious box set and Twilight DVD would've been in the garbage!!! *shudder*
The Ego
I don't know what I expected, but I know I didn't expect to have as much fun as I did on July 29th at The Shelter (btw, who named it that? Why???). To put it mildly, my voice was hoarse after over two and a half hours of talking. In the beginning, I was like, what am I DOING here, but then it was, thank heavens I came!

Kudos to the organizers for putting the event together. Thanks to the people who showed up. There was a mixing of ideas, talking with like-minded people who genuinely wanted to listen to what the other had to say. Everyone was enthusiastic. And everyone was tweeting. No, really. Within 15-20 minutes after the event got under way, my photo was up on Twitpic. Mildly disconcerting. Not my pic being taken, but the speed with which it went up!
I don't know till what time it went on till, but it was nice to meet so many bloggers and twitterers.

We're not geeks though.

Unless you count talking abt gorillapods and macbooks and comparing BBs and iPhones and Nokia N series phones as geeky.

That's just normal, right???
The Ego
She's small. And round. There's a thatch of thick, curly and dark brown hair on her head, that challenges anyone to tame it. Her eyes are big, like saucers, but in a pretty way and all you see in them is deep warm chocolate swirls. Her lashes are thick and naturally curly. Her nose is out of place, but in an endearing way: it's got a slight hook to it. Her lips, plump and pink, glisten with her drool. She's a few months old, mind you...drooling is acceptable. Her skin, so smooth, and so fair, shines in the sun. She doesn't tan, just turns red and then fades soon. Near to being a year old, she's intelligent, with an eye for detail, with awareness levels you wouldn't expect. One could expect such attention from a creative person... She seems to like animals too. Books and photographs grab her attention and she's a sucker for the camera...loves to pose. She's prone to sudden mood swings, quite like she's already a brooding adult. She likes to sit in the car, cruising along the streets, and has already developed taste buds attuned to chicken. She can talk a bit, and once she starts, won't shut up. She's beautiful. Almost perfect in her imperfections.

Note: I am not describing any baby I know...this piece of writing is a figment of my imagination, so if I get any "Who's baby is this?" comments, I will reject them!!!
The Ego
Disappointment is rife in the air. As is anger.

As far as being disappointed goes, it's as if you keep holding on to something, hoping that the "something" will not disappoint you, will not let you down the next time...with each time being the same as the last, making you wonder why the hell you bother. But you bother anyway. Sucks.

Anger. At the man who dragged a 22 year old out on the streets of Patna on Thursday and publicly stripped her. Yes. Caught her by the neck of her salwar and ripped it all off. Did anyone help? No. They took photos, videos and the man was joined by an immense mob of men all clamouring to shame her, and most of them laughing. You can read about it here and here (there have been differing reports on how and why the attack took place).
The Ego
I've done a little over a week so far and it's just been brilliant! The atmosphere is great to work in, the editors throw me work all the time, which I love! There's no mollycoddling; they tell you when something is good, and even if something is not up to the mark, they explain how it could've been better in a nice way. The people there are awesome. I feel exhausted every single day but I'm lovin' it. The most thrown about word at work is "cool" and I think I might be getting sucked into its spell. Also it's interesting because I get to deal with and acclimatize to UK accents before I even go there in a few months! Did I tell you the people there are really nice and extremely helpful? Some really funny stuff happens at work, but they're not up for sharing on this blog. Basically I'm having a blast. This is what I've always wanted to do.

Oh and one of the amazing parts? Free coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cool.
Labels: 3 ego boost(s) | | edit post
The Ego
The people who drive in Dubai will never cease to amaze me. They're just so bad! Yes, I've ranted about drivers before, but what can I say? They deserve it.

So on Monday, ie the 2nd day of my internship, I left the office and was driving towards Karama to meet family. I was waiting at a right turn for the main road to clear, when the stupid Honda Civic behind me decided that the bright blue car in front of him was not there anymore and accelerated and HIT ME.

I was so enraged, I got out of the car and surveyed the damage. Luckily, there was no indentation but a mother of all scratches. It looked how glass looks when it cracks...the paint below the black bumper ie. So there's a crack-looking scratch (with millions of little cracks coming from a centre point) in the middle of my blue.

Even though there was no dent, I wanted to clear this with my parents before letting him go. We stopped at a nearby petrol pump rather than jam traffic. When we did stop there, I lost it and started asking (in a rather loud voice I must admit) how he could've NOT seen me! Then his wife got out of the car (and she screamed; it wasn't just talking loudly) and started SCREAMING at me saying that it's just a bloody scratch and what the hell am I doing stopping her husband for and then ... the most enigmatic line: "EVEN I HAVE A LICENSE". Well hun, good for you. I only hope you can drive better than your husband. The man then physically pushed her back into the car presumably because she was causing a scene.

Then while I was calling my parents, my phone battery died. Then a really nice guy who was nearby (many ppl had come by now hearing her scream like a fish-wife) gave me his Blackberry to make the call. I sheepishly admitted that I had no bloody clue how to dial (there were NO numbers on the keypad!!!) and he dialled for me. Anyway, I cleared it with my parents and just took down the Civic's numberplate and the number of the driver just in case.

When all this was going on, the guy told me, "It's just a scratch. Look at my car, it's full of scratches...all small cars have scratches." I lost my already ebbing temper and retorted, "Just because you see fit to keep your car that way, full of scratches, doesn't mean I do. I take care of my car; if you don't take care of your car, that's not my problem."
When that didn't work, he tried another tactic. "Are you sure that scratch is from my car? I don't think I caused it". I wanted to slap him by this point: "Don't you dare pull a fast one on me. I washed my car just yesterday with my own hands and there was no scratch there."

By then I think I had argued so much, he lost it and gave me his number etc...but refused to show me his license. Maybe he didn't have it. Ass.

I thanked the Blackberry man who also gave me his contact details in case I needed anything, and then I left from there.

And now there's a scratch on my car. My poor baby Bluebell.
The Ego
Artist: James Morrison
Album: Songs For You, Truths For Me
Song: Nothing Ever Hurt Like You

Loving you was easy
Playin’ by the rules
But you said love tastes so much better
When it’s cruel

To you everything was just a game
And oh yeah you played me good
But I want you, I want you, I want you
So much more than I should
Yes I do

I’ve got my hands up so take your aim
Yeah I’m ready
There’s nothing that we can’t go through
Oh it hit me like a steel freight train
When you left me
And nothing ever hurt like you
Nothing ever hurt like you

I was naive and wide-eyed
But you made me see
That you don’t get to taste the honey
Without the sting of a bee
No you don’t

Yes you stung me good
Oh yeah you dug in deep
But I’ll take it, I’ll take it, I’ll take it
Til I’m down on my knees

I’ve got my hands up so take your aim
Yeah I’m ready
There ain’t nothing that I won’t do
Walk a thousand miles on broken glass
It won’t stop me
From making my way back to you
It’s not real until you feel the pain
And nothing ever hurt like you
Nothing ever hurt like you

Oh everything was just a game
Yes you played me good
But I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you

I’ve got my hands up so take your aim
Yes I’m ready
There ain’t nothing that we can’t go through
Oh it hit me like a hurricane when you left me
But I’d do it all again for you
I’d walk a thousand miles on broken glass
It won’t stop me from making my way back to you
It’s not real until you feel the pain
Nothing ever hurt like you
Nothing ever hurt like you..........

The Ego
*Possible spoilers ahead*

Without further ado ... I present ... my thoughts!!!

First off... let me warn you, if you're expecting crazy action in this movie, you won't get it. What you will get is superb acting (even the usual eyebrow-raising-eye-scrunc
hing Emma Watson was better this time!!!), poignant scenes and a pretty well written screenplay.

Although... there are a few spots in the movie that non-HP book readers will not understand, and I did feel a bit confused about the addition of one particular scene which was not at all even hinted at in the book. I did feel cheated out of one or two scenes though... One scene I felt could've just not been there, while another was filmed more differently than I felt it should have.

Oh but Rupert and Daniel... their comedic timing was just SUPERB. They've really come into their own and I guarantee you will be laughing a lot during this movie. 'cept towards the end of course :S Rupert of course, being the funnier of the two, but Daniel did a good job with his Felix scenes.

Tom Felton has a bigger and wonderful role to play and he's done it beautifully. You DO feel bad for him. Oh Michael Gambon...wow! And I was initially skeptical about Jim Broadbent for Slughorn but he proved my doubts to be unreasonable.

The climax is slightly different from what HP readers might expect, but passing over any disappointment at what could have been a more crash-and-bang version (as the book intended), the scene is not without its moments, largely due to Tom Felton's BRILLIANCE in this movie, Michael Gambon's soft-spoken plea, and Alan Rickman's acting.

Ummm what else... well ... to sum it up (I feel like I'm writing an answer to an exam question lol), it's an understated calm-before-the-storm (storm being Deathly Hallows of course!) movie that does well, but may let some HP fans feel like a few scenes here and there could've been different (well I wished for about 2 scenes to be done in another way).

But all in all ... it was a good movie. I'm SO glad I managed to win tickets for the premiere!

My current Harry Potter movie rankings stand like so:
1. HP and the Goblet of Fire
2. HP and the Order of the Phoenix AND HP and the Half Blood Prince (yes a tie)
3. HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban
4. HP and the Philosopher's Stone
5. HP and the Chamber of Secrets (such a BAD movie, I tell ya)
The Ego

I don't have the amazing photography skills that Stained does, so forgive the quality of the pics in comparison to his photo of the tickets he won :)

I also won two tickets to tomorrow's premiere show. And an extra hamper of the first three movies in the series. Which I already have. And Stained covets it. I think I'll give it to him :P

Note: No time to blog about it today, but next post (no the next-to-next post; next post is about how I liked the movie) is about the idiot who hit my car today.
The Ego
So they took the kittens today.

I miss them already :S

I already named them coz after watching them for a while, I could tell them apart. The completely black one was Fred. The black one with faded stripes was George. The tiger-striped one that had the darkest head was Harry. The next tiger striped one with the lighter head was Ron. The orange one with stripes was Hermione.

I couldn't take pics of when they were leaving coz I was cradling Fred in my arms when we were trying to catch them to take them to their home. Then we found a big cardboard open box and put them in and carried them to the other villa and let them loose there. And Mrs Weasley (erm, that's what I call the Mom Cat because these ppl who were house-sitting for the owners DIDN'T know the cat's name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was really cool when I went out, rubbed herself against me and purred as I scratched her wherever she seemed scratch-able. But she did HISSS like mad when we initially tried to get at the kittens. Then she was fine when she saw we were cradling the kittens and generally being nice to them.

FREDDDDD... *sniffs*... he/she (in which case Fred can become Frederica or something) kinda dug her nails into my pajama top and rubbed her head against my chest and purred... pretty little black Fred... they were so SMALL! Hermione was the biggest though, and the most feisty. She was yowling and scratching for all she was worth! She was the prettiest of the lot though. In my opinion.

Anyway ... our neighbours have given us cat and kitten food boxes in case they come back so we can feed them. I WANT THEM TO COME BACK!!!

Mom (my Mom, not Mrs. Weasley) said that if I wasn't going in September, maybe she'd consider keeping one. EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL going on here!!!

I actually HATE the place where they're staying right now (their owner's house ie) coz they're doing this renovation their garden so all the grass is gone and there's just sand everywhere. They have an outhouse with AC where the cat used to stay sometimes; that's where they've put the kittens but it's SO inhospitable in my opinion...I'd NEVER keep an animal there!!! So when I saw the place, I said, erm...they can come back...if they don't like it here. JUST BRING THEM BACK!!!

(Yes, I have Harry Potter hangover. If I was in some other book-mode, like Twilight, I might've called them Bella, Jacob, Edward, Rosalie and Alice, or maybe Pippin, Merry, Sam, Frodo and Legolas. Or something like that :S)
The Ego

Everyday for a while now, an adult cat wanders into our garden and leaves after quite some time, and we see her everyday from our sitting room. It was only today that curiousity struck me (I can hear all the 'curiousity killed the cat' puns popping in your heads now; quit it!) and I went to the other room overlooking another part of the garden where she had headed.

So there were 2 kittens there. Then, came another, another and YET another. There she was, surrounded by 5 kittens. Presumably hers, she had obviously given birth to them in our garden (what's wrong with her owner's garden, I'd like to know) and since they're too small to scale the walls, she's left them there.

They're currently living in our pump room (i.e. where our water pump is housed; it's about 4 feet high), due to which, my mother has now suspended all activities (like starting up our washing machine, as that requires the pump) that might harm the kittens who are living too close to what is a potentially dangerous place for them. We have no chicken at home (as Stained suggested they might eat that) but I did go out to put some water out there after the Mommy Cat left (she was giving me dirty looks as I watched from my window, so I decided to go out after her departure); however, the kittens were really scared and hid as soon as I appeared.

We did go over to our neighbour's house to inform them that, hey your cat has 5 kids and they live with us, please take them NOW! The actual owners of the house are out of town and their nieces and nephews are house-sitting. The two kids who were in when my Mom went over were small (and by small I mean about 10-12 years old) and they said they'd send their older brother when he returns home to collect the kittens.

No one has come till now.

My father later went over but this time they didn't answer the door (and yes, they were inside the house).

We're going to try their house again tomorrow.

*sigh*
We have stowaways in our garden.
888
The Ego
Neel tagged me ... so ... here goes!

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
1. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
2. A near 100% guaranteed internship at a publishing house that starts in a few days
3. Going to the UK in September for my Masters (this is more like a half-n-half; looking forward to it plus dreading leaving the people I love here)
4. My new laptop ... which shall hopefully be the one I currently crave: The Sony Vaio CS-36, RED!
5. My long-postponed weekend sleepover thing with Jo
6. My bro talking one day ... yeah, I still believe it's going to happen someday.
7. Seeing the special people in my life reach their potential ... you're going to make it ... I know it.
8. Eating Babybel again (it's a brand of cheese I found in the UK ... it's quite yummy!)

8 Things I wish I could do...
1. Turn back time ... where are the Time-Turners when you need them? (HP overload!)
2. Make my Mom's worries go away
3. Sing well
4. Discover a cure for autism and breast cancer
5. Write a novel
6. Make you stay (yes, YOU)
7. Lose weight without all the effort!
8. Not be stressed out

8 Things I love.... (this says things, not people, so I won't mention any ppl)
1. My phone ... SE W800i ... sturdy little thing...
2. My pink i-Pod ... wah wah wah
3. My Twilight poster (thank you Jo)
4. Bluebell... my car... my love...
5. The Internet!
6. Minesweeper
7. My camera!!! Canon A720 IS babyyyy!
8. My Kipling bag... !

8 Bloggers I tag
Argh, do I have to? I tag no one ... anyone who wants to do it, can do it. Otherwise, leave a comment and you can go :P
The Ego
It's been a long week of introspection ...

I was bewildered when I realized in school that people were two-faced. I assumed things at face value until their deceit showed up. Even 5th grade onwards can prepare you for the deceit in life.

I was annoyed last year when Lifford came to Dubai the second time around. I never got to meet Jo alone; it was like buy Jo and get Lifford free.

I was secretly 90% amused and 10% flattered when someone I didn't like asked me out. The flattered part came in only because before that no one had shown any interest in me. Other than wanting to copy my fucking notes.

I was humiliated in school when I was about 14 years old, when a group of boys coming in for their afternoon shift followed me with taunts of "Fatty" and catcalls.

I felt cheated when I was told that Mom had given birth to a boy. I wanted a girl to play with. I felt even more cheated when he was diagnosed with autism.

I don't think I've experienced such excitement lately as when I went to UK this year with a group of friends. The independence was heady and intoxicating even.

I was crushed when I found out that even someone you trust 100% can hurt you and make you feel hollow inside, and made me wonder if I can ever really trust anyone in this world.

I felt I was a dirty little secret when Kazz admitted once he didn't want to accompany me to MoE one time that I wanted to use a voucher I had because someone might spot him with a girl.

I felt completely loved when I found that Stained had my car filled with pink balloons one year on my birthday.

When someone told me 'I love you' I cried. I never heard that person say it ever again. I cried some more. Then I stopped.

I know I can count on Jo for anything; more than I can count on anyone else.

I feel college has dumbed me down. Even the English I speak has become of a lower grade to accommodate the people who claimed they couldn't understand the - and I quote - high-funda words I spoke. There are only a handful of people in this world whom I feel I can talk to as equals in that sense.

I miss talking to people at night. They just don't realize how much.

I hate someone for how he's ruined the life of someone I love.

I aspire to be one amongst the most important people in the lives of those who are most important to me. It breaks me if I feel I'm not.

And to end on a lighter note ... I laughed when my doctor told me to eat more chicken.
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.