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The Ego
Warning: Long post ahead

Today I had to officially prove that I know how to speak English. I find it odd that even though my Bachelors degree is from a UK university and my schooling all my life has been conducted in English, some universities insist that since "technically" my first language is NOT English (Hello, my first words were in fact, all my words are in English... so unfair!) I need to give a test of English proficiency. Since I plan to apply to UK universities for my PG, I figured I'd give my IELTS.

Today was the day the 20 years and few months (I started speaking when I was about 9 months old... I never stopped since :P) of my language skills would be judged and measured. Let me get the trivial matter of the post outta the way: the test was easy peasy pumpkin pie. Listening test was very simple; Reading section lasts for one hour but I finished in 30 mins and then re-read all the passages 3-4 times more and checked my answers 5-6 times more and then looked at the air vents with great interest;, Writing was like they were handing me the test on a platter... the longer essay wanted me to agree or disagree with the statement that male leaders lead their societies into violence but if there were more female leaders there might be peace in the world... I rocked female butt babyyy!!! I couldn't remember the exact quote but I wrote a variation of this one to end my essay: "When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." Hehe... and the Speaking test was fine...I talked!!!

Now on to more important matters: the people there.
It was a SMORGASBORD of people from all nationalities. And there were these people that caught my eye and attention for various reasons...not all of them good!

#1 ... Ms and Mr Arab
We (i.e. the candidates) were standing in a queue for registration before the test when this Arab man came with a woman trailing behind him. He spoke in Arabic and started waving his hand around etc and the attendants said ok ok and stuffed the woman in the middle of the queue coz I mean, who gives a damn that other people are standing in line, right?

#2... Ms Thriller 1983
Remember the song 'Thriller' by Michael Jackson? The whole zombie dance routine and everything? One of my favourite MJ songs btw... anyway, this girl looked like she'd jumped right out of the Thriller music video... her clothes sure matched anyway. She had a funny beret, checkered sneakers, a ratty looking jean jacket and leggings, with her hair dyed peroxide blonde mixed with ratty grey. She honestly reminded me of the zombies in that video and I couldn't stop staring at her manly looking face in that 1980s ensemble.

#3... Mr and Mr Clothes Change
Two boys came in the morning, each wearing a particular shirt, and in the evening, not 3 hours later, I spotted them registering for the Speaking part of the test wearing different clothes. Eh, fashion conscious much?

#4... Mr Calculator-cum-Hummer
In the Writing section of the test, we have 2 essays to write, one 150 word essay describing a graph showed to us, and one 250 word essay based on whatever topic they give us and we have to write down coherent opinions. In the graph essay, the examiners expect us to say stuff like 'the %age of morons increased twice as much between the years 2007 and 2008' based on the figures shown in the graph. Simple figures like 500, 1000 etc, basically simple multiples. This man sitting right next to me during the test, asks if he can have a calculator to calculate the increase/decrease in the figures. English test you pipsqueak. ENGLISH.
Same fellow insisted on reading the reading passages out audibly albeit not so loud that the rest of the room could hear him. Unfortunate souls such as myself seated near him were subject to to his rendition of the passage and resulting hems and haws. All of course, until I complained. Then he shut up.
SAME fellow caught up with me later before the speaking test. He asked me, "How was your test?" I said it was fine. Then he asked, "Did you finish the reading section?" I looked confused and said, yes of course. He looked very contrite and said he got confused and couldn't answer everything. I said okay... :|

#5... Mr Dandruff
No need to explain. This one was sitting in front of me and I quickly moved my passport out of harms way ...

#6... Everyone
I walked into the test centre and... I felt I'd gone to the wrong place. Why? Almost everyone had an IELTS practice book in front of them, or a dictionary or SOMETHING IELTS related. I felt like I hadn't done anything substantial in comparison. Ah well ... I met one nice Iranian man later who was very soft-spoken and was talking to me while we were waiting for our turn on the speaking test. He had given the test before and gotten a 5 and he needed a 6 for his migration to some place. I hope he manages it ... he wasn't very sure of how to convey what he wanted to say though.

#7... Ms Grunge
Queen of grunge look... sneakers, jeans, legging style hand sleeves with a jacket, and hair pinned up messily and red glasses... and she carried it off amazingly well!!!

#8... Ms Dressed Up
This includes so many of them. You'd think they were going bar hopping instead of giving a language test. How they managed in those stilettoes I don't know...bless their heels.
One of them, not a test taker, but a nice invigilator was wearing a sun-yellow loose top and had matching YELLOW shoes with black stilletoes ... I was in shock.

#9... Mr Bling
He wasn't very obvious... he had tiny shiny round bling spots of silver on his white shirt, all over the back and even on the front, with the left breast-pocket having the words "North Pole" resplendent with a Fir tree embroidered on it. Marvellous actually wear that in public. Give the man a bravery award someone.

Ah well ... that's about it for now... Results in 2 weeks... should be alright :)
The Ego

Now I'm in a Pon and Zi mood... hmph...

Note: View more "Pon and Zi" ...
The Ego
Okay so I had a bit of a laughing fit a while back. And then it went into contemplation of the literal dregs that we supposedly have to pick Dubai's "eligible" bachelors and bachelorettes from.
Basically, my Mum usually buys Ahlan Masala very regularly. This issue claimed it had a list of Dubai's most eligible people.

First off, I was mildly amused when I saw that I actually knew one of them. Then when I actually went through what Ahlan Masala claimed were Dubai's finest single people... I laughed.
One very ambitious girl said that her dream job was to cook aloo parathas for her future husband. Wah wah! I can only hope that she was being sarcastic. If she wasn't, my goodness, someone...lap her up quick! Before she realizes her designer clothes and those manicured nails won't last long what with her making all those aloo parathas. Why doesn't she just open a dhaaba and become an aloo paratha specialist? Shame restricting all that aloo to one man who will eventually become very fat with desi ghee.
Another bright young man was at least honest enough to admit the truth when asked what were the first 3 things he noticed in a girl. He said that the first two things were what every guy notices (B's and B's I suppose) and then he went on to say the 3rd thing would be shoes. Arre wah... one of the eligible men on this list is one who will look at women's B&B's all the time, what's the point of getting together with a self-confessed pervert? Although, he was being honest... hmmm...
Aloo paratha girl also has amazing brains in addition to her cooking skills: she believes plastic surgery can increase her height. Zabardast! Sign me up, fast!!! What, do they implant silicone on my feet or graft skin onto my feet/head or perhaps botox my head to swell up so much it makes me taller by a few inches?
Common items on almost everyone's list for 'where would you find them on a Thursday night?' included names of various clubs, shisha joints and tres posh hangouts. I think only one sane person said he would probably be swimming or near the sea or whatever. Sane because it was a deviation from the mundane "I'm-doing-shisha-or-drinking-or-clubbing" routine. If anyone would've asked me, I would've just said, eh sitting at home with my family unless there's a reason for me to go out! Brainless mindless pointless partying confuses me. I love, adore, anticipate meeting up with my friends and spending time with them...which doesn't necessarily need to include foul smoke and loud music. Hey, I'm all for partying dancing, just not every Thursday.
Everyone opted for choosing world peace over a Ferrari except for a few...Such saints we have amongst us. One 18 yr old I think said he already had a Ferrari and that's why he would choose world peace. I just thought 'spoilt brat' as soon as I read that...hehehe. Oh and every other "eligible" wanted to donate money to charity, open schools for underprivileged children, open orphanages... Eh? If y'all finish doing all these noble acts, call me after that; y'all can sponsor my education. I only need about AED150,000 for an education in UK, but if you can spring AED300,000 please do so, I can apply to Columbia instead.

You know what? I think they screen out people who don't go club hopping, who don't do sheesha, who don't have expensive cars... seriously!!!

Dubai's most eligible? You've got to be kidding me...

PS - Okay, a few of them seemed alright. Kind of. Not much. Maybe a little. Okay maybe 2-3 of them. Or maybe just one. Ah well...
The Ego
Last piece of a strawberry cheesecake!!! The double shot espresso I had yesterday with this (Jo would know how I started laughing like a maniac after that; think I was high on caffeine or something) kept me up for a major part of last night...

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A story I saw this morning in Times of India...

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Nothing else going on as such...
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.