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The Ego
Sooooooooo... today's a special day... 11 years ago the love of my life bawled his way into the world... Happy Birthday my sweetheart...you celebrated in school today and didn't bring back any of that yummy cake for me...no problem, tomorrow we'll have fun with a chocolate-y cake ohkayy??
*muah*
*hugs*
And this is just what I always sing to him almost everyday:
You're my honeybun, sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-yumpkin, you're my sweetiepie
You're my cuppycake, gumdrop, snoogum-boogums,
You're the apple of my eye!
And I love you so and I want you to know that I'll always be right here
And I loove to sing sweet songs to you, because you are SO dear!
(The cuppycake song!)
Love youuu... and happy birthday again!
The Ego
I think too much.
And hard.
So much so that it hurts.
Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Like something pounding on a wall.
Bang bang bang.
Reminds me of that god-awful song "Bang bang" by Nancy Sinatra.
Dull thudding isn't it??
The thoughts I mean.
They don't stop...how much ever I wish they would.
It scares me sometimes, how much I think.
Bordering on obsession methinks.
My head is hurting; I think I said that already?
It won't end you know...the thoughts.
Vicious cycle, where one debilitating thought leads to another.
Concentration is close to zero right now...and I need to concentrate on other things.
But I'm so obviously not.
Falling into an abyss.
Seems dark there.
Good... I seem to like the dark right now.

Edit: I was gonna put this note in before, but later thought it wouldn't be necessary. But SINCE Stained got confused (hehe), I want to clarify: this is not a poem. It's just written in that way. Soooo that's that...
The Ego
For those who don't know much about Greek mythology, tell me enlighten you about the Fates or the Moirae... the three personifications of destiny: one measured the length of your life (Lachesis) , one spun your life (Clotho) and the last cut it off i.e. killed you (Atropos).

Here's a conversation that I imagine the three Fates had about me (I won't use their names, coz ppl might get confused, so for everyone's convenience, Fate 1 spins, Fate 2 measures and Fate 3 kills):
Fate 1: Hmmm, I'm growing tired of spinning D's thread (er, thread of life)
Fate 2: I'm sorry but I've measured it to be a bit longer...you have to continue!
Fate 1: I wish I could STOP!
Fate 2: Well, I tried to help you last year with that appendix problem...I mean, if she hadn't gone to the doctor that very day...
Fate 3: ...I could've cut the thread bcoz it was fatal...but she discovered the problem in the nick of time.
Fate 1: Is there anything else we can do?
Fate 3: Well... there is a slight problem she has, with her back...maybe we can spin it to our advantage?
Fate 2: Oh yes...I can do that... *spins*
Fate 1: Will this work?
Fate 2: Well, it will unless she discovers it in time!

HAH ... I did discover it in time! I mean, as if I haven't had enough issues with my health, that I get another problem thrown in my lap. No exact details...but something to do with my spine, so I'm glad I found out before any major damage.

Like last time...i.e. when I went for my operation, again I had a pregnancy question coming at me. Before my X-ray I had to sign a form which said "I hereby confirm that I am not pregnant today". Well, that was an easy question to answer, wasn't it??
The Ego
I saw two movies in my Psychology classes over the last two weeks: Crash and Hotel Rwanda. I'd seen Crash before but not Hotel Rwanda. The second movie was awful to watch, in the sense that the bloodshed and pointless killing was just that: pointless. These movies were a precursor to our prejudice and discrimination chapter.
I still cannot understand it...the reason for such violence and such stupidity. For it is stupid. Who the bloody hell cares what the colour of your skin is, whether you worship one god or many or aliens from another planet or you don't pray at all? Apparently some people do. Fanatics I call them...extremists...and they aren't restricted to any race or religion. That minority of screwed up numbskulls spoil the reputation of that particular group which leads everyone else to think in stereotypes (damn, too much psych!). Why else does the media and people make labels like "crazy Scientologists" or "Muslim terrorists" or "Black gangsters" whatever else crap they bandy around? Then it all starts...the suspicion, the discrimination, the hatred... and for what? It's all so pointless.
Does my idealism regarding a non-violent and accepting world even help? I wish it did. I remember that I never really noticed exactly where my friends in school and in college came from or what religion they followed. It's just not in my consciousness...coz it doesn't make a difference to me. They mention, I'm from Timbuctoo and then I say ok. I mean, so what if you're from a particular place? If they're from the same place I'm from, I delight in sharing stories about common ground, but that's about it. I'm friends with people in their entirety, not just with their race or religion or where they're from or whatever.
I have a feeling I've racked up many posts going bonkers over the differences that people accentuate for no logical reason whatsoever...but what can I say...this is something I feel strongly about, so yes, I shall blog about it.
The Ego
Apparently, it is all my fault that I had to have an open appendectomy instead of a simply laproscopy. It's my f***ing fault that I have a 11cm scar down my stomach. It's all my fault that I had to suffer last June. Alright then...my fault it is.
Hmmm... "How do I not like thee...let me count the ways"
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