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The Ego
I can't believe I found this ... anyways, I must've written this when I was 17 or 18... Anyways, here it is (forgive its crappiness...take into account my age when I wrote it... although I still cringe at the trauma-panorama bit... quite horrendous wot?) :

Blissful Pain
The burning question on her mind,
"Should I tell him, should I not?"
Is it worth the risk
to change the equation of this friendship?
To bring the truth out in the open,
is there no other solution?
She wasted a year, pining, and,
driving everyone up the wall.
Trying so hard to make that moment stall,
And when that moment came and passed,
She used 'indifference' as her mask.
But one day her mask fell apart,
And the tears dropped from her heart,
Forward the button of time,
And all the wounds were healed.
She looked back and laughed,
At what she thought was the end.
Laughter and pain comes and goes,
And although pain gives a lot of trauma,
It is through pain that we know,
That the view of happiness is true panorama.
The Ego
Well it's my 100th post. And about time. Considering it's over a year that I started blogging.
I didn't have anything that I wanted to blog about as my 100th post, so I thought I'd pen down why I started blogging in the first place.
Last year in August, when I was interning at Emirates Evening Post (yes yes I know it shut down) I came across the UAECommunity blog because of some story...can't quite remember what it was but from then on I'd return there to read what other people in the UAE had to say about many issues. Then there was the BITS-Pilani story (to refresh your memory, one BITS student blogged about his days in the college and it was frowned down upon and he was forced (?) to close his blog down amidst other stories of rampant ragging) that brought the spotlight on blogs and freedom of speech. Since then I began toying with the idea of having my own blog. I already had a diary and continue to keep one (however sporadically right now) but the idea of having my own space on the internet for people to come by and share my thoughts was intriguing. And so, Big Fat Ego was born.
However, I'd like to tell people that even before this blog, I started my own website in 2004 and forgot about it in a few months only to be reminded of it again later a few months back by kazz who found it, of all the places, on GoogleSearch (I cringe when I see that website now...I wonder if it's been closed down due to inactivity...hmmm). So you see... I was no stranger to having my own internet space. Only this time, it's for keeps. :)
The Ego
Well, very oddly, another post regarding cars (Oh I went to the Dubai Motor Show on many cool cars! Plus I got to sit in my all-time favourite, the Z350!!!) ...
So there's this person: ABC. Whenever I sit with him while he is driving, I am truly in mortal fear. Every time I sit in the car, I think, Are we going to crash today? I mean, his driving isn't bad...there's a lot of control, I'll grant him that. Plus he's experienced, so it's not like I'm sitting with a one-day old licensed driver or something. But like a TYPICAL male, if someone overtakes him...ZOOOM he goes, accelerating and chasing the offending car. Which is really ridiculous especially when he's pitting his car against much faster ones. And lately, he's taken to sudden braking. He brakes SO close to the car ahead and cuts so fine... I'm scared we'll hit the car in front or/and the car at the side. Very rash driving...
(The only reason I'm not naming ABC is so the guys I do know can wonder if I'm criticizing them or someone else... hehe :p)
Oooohhh... am closer to my 100th post than ever!!! Yay for me! Yay for Big Fat Ego!
The Ego
Bluebell (my car) will mostly be back sometime early next week. Yay!
I've only just realized that my exams are around the corner i.e. next week. This time, I've put off my studying spree too late by my standards. I mean, before college, I used to study a month or two in advance. By and by, that time slowly reduced. Of course, for my finals I always prepare WAAAY in advance, but for these internals...hehe...
Gems from one of my lecturers:
Students: On the final grading sheet, will you be converting our marks on the 50-mark test into percentages?
Teacher: No, I will only multiply your marks into 2.
Students: Isn't that percentage? [coz for example, (40/50)*100 is the same as multiplying 40 by 2]
Teacher: No it's slightly different.

Precisely how is it different???
When someone you knew superficially (i.e. basics about the person and hi-bye-how are you etc) does something in front of you he/she has never done before and you know it's something he/she would do only if he/she thought you were a friend (like cry or share a HUGE secret or something) ... it's an odd yet humbling experience. I suppose, i.e. if you don't doubt the integrity of that person, that's when you know that someone considers you a friend.

The Ego
Well ... Me, Mum and my bro had gone to pick up her car (a Sportage) that I'd given for service according to the previous post. I was driving my Bluebell (Getz) to the service centre on the SZR. As I was taking the right to the service road just after the MOE interchange, I slowed down as there was slight traffic in front. I gradually came to a complete stop and... in about 2-3 seconds, there was a HUGE crash and BANG noise and my car moved slightly forward. Luckily I didn't take my foot off the brake which prevented me from hitting the car in front. I whipped my head around and saw a maroon pickup truck had banged into us. I pulled the handbrake up and started screaming, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?" before abruptly stopping my tirade after I realized Mum was sitting next to me. Thankfully, instead of getting mad about my colourful French, she just said, don't shout D. As soon as I got out of my car, I forgot all about shouting at that idiot truck driver who must've been doing 80kmh AT LEAST (Stained, although not at the accident claims the speed couldn't have been more than 40kmh ... while I'm willing to bring it down to maybe 60kmh... but anyways) when he hit me...and realized the entire glass of the hatchback had shattered and some of it was on the backseat... where my bro was. I opened the door and un-seatbelted him and pulled him and brushed tiny pieces off him and off the seat... and when I saw the abject fear in his eyes which caused him to actually pull away from me in fright, I started crying. I don't know...the thought that he could be hurt plus seeing how scared he upset me. I stopped crying eventually after I saw him return back to normal.
Luckily for us, a police 4WD was parked right next to the scene of the accident, so we didn't have to wait. They were really nice...even shook my bro's hand twice. So I got the green slip and the truck driver got the pink one. We drove the car to the service centre and picked up the Sportage. Mum and my bro got into the Sportage and I had to drive the Getz home. By then Stained had reached the scene. Before I could leave that place though, I had to answer many inquisitive employees of the service centre, one of whom even opened the passenger door in the front, poked his head in and asked me what happened!!!
The drive back was okay. I was driving on 80kmh on the Emirates Road...scandalous (for me anyway)! But I could hear sooooo much noise from the road outside, I had to crank up the radio volume to hear properly.
After we got home, Stained and I taped off the back of the Getz with plastic. It's sitting in my house garage... waiting to be fixed.
Am attaching a picture of the car after the accident. And no, that's not my real numberplate. I just felt uncomfortable about showing random online people my car's numberplate, so I edited the pic and superimposed the image of the numberplate I got on my 19th birthday from kazz. I honestly have this very red numberplate sitting in my house right now ...

*sigh* Hope I get my baby Bluebell back soon.
The Ego
Just two random incidents this morning...

When I went to give my car for service, there was an Arab in front of me wearing a kandoora. Now all was well and good until he turned around and I got a full view of the baseball cap he was wearing. It was BLING to the extreme of bling! I was dazzled by it's blinginess and wished I had my shades to protect my eyes from the shiny shiny shiny thingies stuck to it. If it wasn't enough for me to see weird bling in college... now I start seeing it other places also!

On my way back home (after the car went to the service garage and all that), I saw something else which felt very bizarre, at least to me. Maybe others have seen this sort of thing, but I have not. The roads towards my home are littered with speed breakers (or informally: 'humps'. I must stop here and give a tribute to my friend Choo who came up with "How are my humps?" while driving in my area... :D) and so people don't go too fast (unless they're 4WDs or speed freaks). I saw a purple Peugeot coming in the opposite lane with its hazard lights on. The car was meandering on the road coming onto our side of the road occasionally like he/she was drunk. When it passed, I saw... a guy in the drivers seat with a cigarette drooping from his lips...and he was sleeping! I mean, if he was going to sleep in the car, why get out of the house in the first place??? And to top it off, it looked like he knew he'd sleep off and so put his hazard lights on... Weird people.
The Ego
Well no, I'm not about to start blabbering to my alter ego and go all "My precioussssssssssss", but what inspired this post is a man. A man whose name I don't know. A man at whom I stare, literally gawk at, every time I see him in my college.
Why do I indulge in such freakish stalker-ish behaviour?
Is he hot?
Does he have a skin problem?
Not at all.
Do I *like* this guy?
NOOO!!! *puke* *puke*
So what is it then?

He looks like Gollum.
No seriously... the actor Andy Serkis who played Gollum/Smeagol in the LOTR series (fantastic movies btw)... he looks like him. I can only think of Gollum when I see this guy.
Most odd.

The Ego
Saawariya was very white, blue and green. Ranbir Kapoor looks cute and can act. Wow. But if you're going for any other reason than gaping at Ranbir's cuteness, don't go to the theatre...
* * * * *
Driving a 4WD (even if it's just a 2.0) can be satisfying. Can't wait till tomorrow.
* * * * *
Rebelling is fun. Especially if you're doing it to prove a point. I can only hope I can go through with it. I don't see why I should put up with this anymore. I've had people tell me to try and fix it... let me just say, it's not worth fixing. It's just a lie...a sham... at the end of it, it's just a matter of convenience to stick to what you have because changing it is too troublesome. It's not worth even trying to fix. I say leave. I say leave this shit... leave the humiliation, leave the pain of being forced into something for the sake of others... leave... I don't mind if you leave. Can't you see you'll be happier??? We all bloody well will be. How much more of superficial and useless threats can people put up with? You'll leave us on the streets, you said? Fucking hell, we have people to pick us off it. You can rot in your hell alone.
* * * * *
I'm taking many pictures nowadays. Maybe I'm scared of forgetting what happened in my life... especially considering I haven't written in my diary for a while. Or maybe I just like looking at myself. I suspect it's the latter.
* * * * *
Au revoir mes amis... je veux une peu de paix... I don't know if I can get it right now... Zut.
The Ego
I don't know why... but this wallpaper (for my cellphone) drew me to it, so am just posting it here.

The Ego
It's been quite odd... in the last two weeks I've noticed 2-3 cars, or rather, the drivers of said cars being exceptionally challenged when it comes to indicators. This special breed of driver does give his/her indicator, bless them, but it makes no difference since it seems to be the opposite of where they are going.
Once when I was approaching the SZR, I noticed a 4WD (could've been a VW or a was dark, forgive me for not noticing) which was going quite fast giving the left indicator. Surprise, surprise, it overtook me and while still giving the left indicator, went right. He/she doesn't seem to the basics of right and left quite mastered yet.
Another day, between the 2nd and 3rd interchange, one little hatchback did the same thing... (no not me... another car!!!)
I mean, before I complained about cars not giving indicators... now they seem to be giving them but not really following them... *sigh*
Ah well ...
Drive safely everyone :)
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.