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The Ego
Years ago I became curious about why I dream when I do. I suppose it all started in 12th grade, when we were learning about Sigmund Freud (if you know me well, you'd know I love Psychology as a subject). So I began noting the days, or rather nights, when I had a dream... It turned out that the days that I was stressed or upset, I entered Dream Land that night. Now they help...the dreams i.e. to help me figure out why I'm stressed. Coz even if I'm not overtly stressed or upset and I have a dream, I think about what could be the reason and I usually find it. I've been having dreams a lot for a week or so... gives me an insight into my current state of mind. Last night, there were rabbits. My friend P had bought two white rabbits and if I'm not mistaken, they were scampering around in my old school and we were catching them. They were so adorable; I held them in my hands as well. She even had a basket to carry them around... very very veryyy cute. There were other parts to that dream...but the rabbits I remember so clearly. And then there was that park (I'd never seen it before but it was so beautiful) and I was alone. This part had nothing to do with the rabbits though. As I was saying, I was alone but everyone else were in groups of 2 and 3. Most unnerving I do assure you. Ah well ... the point is... I'm dreaming again.
I discovered another potential phobia I could be suffering from (I tell ya...I'm mad!): Athazagoraphobia. I didn't even know there was a name for it till I saw it on an avatar site. Then I Yahooed it or Googled it or whatever and came up with this site (which is really useful if you want to stuff yourself with all the phobias possible). Anyway, athazagoraphobia means the fear of being forgotten. I don't like the concept, in fact, am truly scared of the idea that anyone can forget me, forget how they feel about me, forget what I looked like, forget how I made them feel ... I am truly and honestly scared that I'll be forgotten. Stupid huh? I don't know... that's how it is. Maybe I'm a pipsqueak scared of everything and eventually none of it will matter coz I'll end up dead... like everyone else. But then if I die, what if people forget me? Which they will eventually. Ah looks like I'm fated to die with both my phobias kind of culminating at the same time... fear of death (I'll be dead) and fear of being forgotten (I'll eventually be forgotten). Truly, it's a conspiracy.
Ah well ...
The Ego
Head bursting
Voices screaming
A cacophony in her head
Deafening her pleas
Stop these thoughts, she cried
Stop the mental carnage
Jealousy reigns
And oh, how it does pain
But in the end
None of it matters
Mental chaos prevails

Note: Finals going on, which explains my lack of posts!
The Ego
No, this is nothing to do with Breakfast in Bed (never been to such a hotel), Bold and the Beautiful (My goodness, Brooke has married/had sex with the father, son#1, son#2, son-in-law, step-bro of son#1 [incidentally also the 2nd husband of her daughter] and goodness knows who else... must catch up on it soon *wink* *wink*) or Bulls and Bears (don't care much about the stock market)... but with another completely different B&B.
I went to the consulate today for some work...and I must say, if any woman/girl wants to be stared at by unabashed lechers who just focus on two areas, while thinking through their crotch, PLEASE go there. At first, I felt kinda bad about the long queue of males and the uber-short female queue (positive discrimination! HRM, anyone?), but after more than 50% of those people in the queue began holding conversations with my B&B's, all sympathy evaporated. I mean...there I was, covered from tip to toe in pants and a knee-length kurti, the only skin showing besides my face were half my hands... and it wasn't like it was body-clinging or anything... but no! It was as if they had never seen a woman with B&B's before and I could hear them silently saying in their head:
Lecher #1: Hello there my pretties...nice to meet you today
Lecher #2: Wowieee... never seen the likes of you you doin'?
Lecher #3: Hello...I've seen a lot but just can't get enough, so how about you and me... *dirty wink*
Just imagine what they would behave like if a woman wearing less than I was would walk into the area. Pandemonium. (And if anyone says it's the woman's fault then for wearing those clothes, don't bother; I've heard those ridiculous arguments before and they don't hold with me... yes, we like to be looked at sometimes, but NOT with such sexually objectifying connotations)
Thank heavens I don't have to go to the consulate any time soon.
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.