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The Ego
It looked beautiful today... near the lake... my cuppycake was with me... he seemed to love it as well... He got highly excited near the water... bless his enthusiasm!
I had planned a nice walk around the area... the earplugs of my W800i blasting rock and alternative music, which was meant to drown out any sound in the vicinity. But then along came my bro and all those chances disappeared... But I suppose it's good he came... calmed me down methinks.
I'm glad I went for the short time that I did... haven't been getting sleep lately... this honestly, for some reason, made me feel so good... relaxed me... although now it's back to the daily grind...

Hmmm...
"Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror"
- Someday by Nickelback
The Ego
Sometimes...life throws some things at you, which can be good as well as bad. It's up to us to see the good parts...to focus on the silver lining. It's okay show how you feel, cry, listen to songs on repeat mode, whatever's your thing...but once you do that... stare at the silver lining until you can't see the dark cloud anymore... and right now, I'm trying my HARDEST to see the silver...

And y'know wot... I think it's working... today was a good day... now I can see that... :)

And to end...with a quote:
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
The Ego
Yes, "conspiracy" with a capital C!!!
What is this conspiracy you might ask???
Let me enlighten you...

There are four bedrooms in my house... all on the first floor... and guess what?? In the summer, my room is the hottest and in the winter...yup, you guessed it! Mine is the coldest!

And right now, my room is damn well FREEZING. No other room is like this... I complain of practically freezing to death but everyone thinks I'm exaggerating and in summer, when I complain of sweating to death, they still think I'm exaggerating. Okay, summers I can use the air-conditioner... what do I do now!?!?!?!

It's a conspiracy I say... A CONSPIRACY!

C'est abominable!!!

PS - Need to bundle myself up now... *sigh*
The Ego
I have finally figured it out. Dictionary.com defines it as
an abnormal fear of death.
Yup...that's a phobia: Thanatophobia.

Who has it??? Yours truly...moi... I felt that the thoughts I was having was nothing great, but the amount to which it troubled me led me to look it up and I found my morbid fear had a name.
Simply put, I'm just scared of dying. Whether naturally or via accidents or anything; I'm simply terrified. I'm petrified of the thought of just not existing.
People have told me, "Well, everyone has to die one day." Well for heavens sake, that doesn't stop me from being petrified of it happening, does it?? Obviously dying young is scary, but dying after I've led a long, fruitful life is equally terrifying.
Then the whole concept of "heaven and hell" comes into the picture, and this is mostly associated with religion. People say that well, we'll go to heaven after we die or whatever. But what do I have then? Can I believe in an afterlife even with my beliefs? (People damn close to me will know wot I'm talking about) I'd like to think of Phillip Pullmans' His Dark Materials when trying to figure this out. Anyone who has read this trilogy and in particular the last book "The Amber Spyglass" will understand what I mean. That description of what happens after death (i.e. after Lyra frees all those poor souls from that wretched place) is the least scary one I've ever read about.
There have been two students from my college who passed away in the last 6 months...young vibrant people; like flowers cut in the prime of their bloom...this only serves to exacerbate my phobia.
Maybe you think it isn't so bad...how can this phobia even make my life harder, you ask? Try being me when I have a phobic attack when I'm alone...when no one is around to calm me down...at night, when all I have are my thoughts and my intensely vivid imagination...try being me at these points of time... then ask me how hard it is.
An interesting blog post I found while looking this up revealed a quote that I TOTALLY identified with:
Q: How do you want to be remembered?
A: I don't. I want to still be here.

Yes, I think too much...but wot to do...I am who I am, and in my opinion, thinking is better than not at all.
The Ego
So...after dragging out Accounts for over an hour or two, Mo decided we should all head to the beach. And so we (Me, Kaz, Off, Sam and Mo) did. We went to the beach near the Marina and headed for the rocks... check out the cool pic of the view we had... (taken by Off)...
Anyways, we settled down by the rocks and there was this Westerner fella tanning himself somewhere near us, reading a newspaper. Kaz pointed out that he wasn't wearing anything and that he'd just draped a towel over stuff-that-should-be-covered-in-public. I disagreed saying that no one in their right minds would sit in public like that, especially considering the strong wind that was blowing... But then Mr Towel (as he will henceforth be referred to) sat up a bit, and the towel/cloth/whatever fell a bit and while thankfully he was still covered, it was VERY apparent that he was indeed "au naturel"!!!
Hmmm...the time we spent at the beach was really so peaceful...great getwaway from reality and tension that swims around in life... but then... hahahaha... as we left...we took a backward glance at the amazing view of the water behind us, and Mr Towel was seen standing up... with the most unmistakeable view of his bare backside... and mind you, this was a public beach!!! And while I've seen this sort of thing in movies (most recently in The DaVinci Code courtesy Silas), this was the first time I'd seen it in real life... (Sam luckily had left earlier; she was spared this sight!)
I mean, WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!? It most definitely was not a nude beach (we don't even have those in U.A.E. do we?!?!?), and what with recent uproar about wot to wear to the beach and what not to, and how women are harassed over there... gawd, didn't he have the brains to at least wear some underwear?!?!?
Guys only walk around like this and then people only blame women for not wearing suitable attire to the beach. Stupid hypocrites...
The Ego

Seriously, this IS supposed to be a list. A list of the top 8 things that the male population of the homo sapien genus can do that the females can't; whether they want to or not. And as much as I hate to admit it, there are quite a few of these things that AGGRAVATE me no end. Oh, and this applies to a majority of the population, although there are a few (bless them) who defy the norm. {Note: mostly applicable to Asians, although some apply to the world males}

And now, in no particular order:

  1. Boys can talk about cars all day long, and never get bored
    Honestly, it's as if each and every model is burnt into their genetic code, and it can be recalled to their memory any time they wish to summon it, in a way that's not possible with calculus, economic theories or history. They know the range of car costs, where you can get parts, how to take care of the car, which model it is, which year, how many engines, and goodness knows what else by looking at any car from a distance. It's surreal.
  1. Boys can imagine living independently once they reach the late teens...
    ...and get away with it! Guys (not always) try to live independently, if not location-wise then financially as soon as their teens start. Jobs for them aren't as hard to find, as they don't particularly have restrictions on timings or ANYTHING of the sort. Living on their own also seems acceptable for them; lets see a girl trying to live alone at the age of say, 18, and some, if not all, eyebrows will be unjustly raised.
  1. Boys have no curfew
    They don't!!! I suppose that some of them do, but even if they overstay it, it doesn't seem to be a matter of so much gravity. What are they doing at 10pm? Probably walking/driving. What are they doing at midnight? Probably the same thing! Time seems to NOT exist for them. Except when it comes to eating. They always want to eat, and know when they must satisfy their gastronomic juices. The point is they just seem to be able to go wherever they want to go whenever they want to go without any restrictions. I cannot even imagine, as a girl, being allowed to walk out of the house at around say, 8pm and return just after midnight without having given prior notice, and the 'event' which I'm going to being supremely UN-miss-able. My curfew? Gosh, it makes me laugh; that's how early it is. The guys' curfew? None at all. Sometimes, they don't even go home! And when they do go out like this, it makes me feel helpless for some reason.
  1. Boys can go swimming any bloody time
    Erm, I'm not joking. All they have to do is remove their shirt. And voila! Swimming is possible. And us women? Okay, is the swimsuit respectable enough? Does it show too much skin? (Of course, if you WANT to show skin, skip this point) Are my hands too fat? Are my thighs too flabby? Is anyone looking my way? Have I waxed? Is my tummy looking too huge? Would anyone mind if I wore this particular swimsuit? Am I showing too much cleavage?
    I mean, probably I wouldn't CARE about all of this nonsense had society not said we must. But it does, and therefore I do. (I plan to change that sometime)
  1. Boys don't have to wax
    Enough said. ENOUGH SAID. They can have hairy hands and legs and face, but if we dare venture out in the natural state, we're looked at with emotions bordering on disgust and derision. WHO SAID WOMEN HAVE TO WAX? HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID CAVE WOMEN GET THEIR CAVE MEN? THEY DIDN'T WAX THEN, DID THEY? THEY DIDN'T HAVE EPILATORS EITHER! (Which I don't like anyway; waxing is much better)
  1. Boys actually enjoy wasting time and money on games and smoke
    I'm sure there are girls in this world who love just spending their time playing pool or computer games and smoking, but the way men enjoy these things are in another league altogether. Ask a guy, "What are you doing?" The answer might verily be, "Playing pool" or "Just hanging out with my friends" or "Smoking". Why can't it ever be, "Reading a book" or "Listening to music" or even "Bowling!"???
  1. Boys have no sense of time
    This is slightly different from the curfew thing. Simply because they don't care what they do when. (Except eating; they HAVE to do that when their stomach commands) Other than this, they can do any other damn thing any damn time; being late or on time has no meaning for them. They are above all these restrictions of time. Bravo.
  1. Boys have the emotional range of a teaspoon
    This is applicable to almost all men in the world, and it NOT restricted by culture or any other variable. I would here like to thank Hermione Granger (a front for J.K. Rowling) for the line, "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." They simply CANNOT understand emotions. Its way beyond their cerebral working. They cannot seem to know why someone is angry, why someone is upset, why someone is crying. It seems their emotions have been left untouched since Neanderthal times. And let me assure you, this is NOT something we women are glad we cannot do. The fact that women are in touch with their emotions is something we're proud of.

And if I try writing more, I'd make a top 100, so I shall stop with these heinous crimes for now. Adieu.

The Ego
I suppose I hate the whole cyclic way of things... something good is followed by something bad... what goes up must come down, etcetera etcetera... stupid Murphy with his stupid laws: "If something has to go wrong, it will"
I've had some amazing days over the last few weeks, so I imagine it was inevitable that it had to come crashing down. I'm not absolving myself of the blame here; indeed, I played a part in the downfall as well. Whether my part was big or small is unresolved...but a part I did play nonetheless.
Events like this are a good enough reason for me to follow the list I made a few posts back. Also leads to grave thought and introspection. Thinking too much makes my head hurt, which no doubt explains the splitting headache I've been having for a few days ... been thinking a lot you see. Might last for a few more days at the very least.
Another thought that comes to mind is regret...something else I'd posted about a while back. I don't regret much thankfully; that would've been awful had it been the case. Also...apologies. If I've ever hurt anyone, I can honestly say it was either unintentional or that I hate you to death and I so totally wanted to hurt you. But right now... unintentional pain is all that crosses my mind. Pain that is mine and others' as well. One more thing: sincerity and integrity. Anyone who'd like to think that I am or was pretending: go jump in a lake. I can even provide you with a lake, what with my living right next to one. I don't pretend, I don't act. Why skulk around? It only hurts people more. People might say they prefer sugar-coating things, but that's not my way.

After all this ranting and raving, I can only say... C'est la vie... and hope that things will improve, as they must... as my favourite friends, Calvin and Hobbes say:
"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure."
The Ego
I think today was perfect.

Well except for the part where I got home later than I was supposed to and got quite a bit of a talking-to from my Mum.

But otherwise... near perfection... the only reason it didn't achieve perfection was a tiny shadow hanging back from my previous two posts...

Hmmm...I think today was almost perfect.

Quote from Thinkexist again:
"There are a few days that feel perfect. This is one of them." - Deepa Mehta
The Ego
Was going through my collection of quotes on Thinkexist... and I just wanted to paste this one right now... seems fitting...

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no one knows I'm crying."
The Ego
Ah, a new list... finally...

Wot to do when you're in a weird/bad/sad mood (tick whichever is applicable; oh, and obviously these are the things I do when in such moods)
  1. Listen to loud music till you forget what silence sounds like
  2. Sing along very loudly to the songs you're listening to
  3. Go for extended drives
  4. If you're me, while driving, cut like crazy just bcoz you can and speed just bcoz you can
  5. Hog ... forget about those calories you're trying to watch; just hog all the comfort foods possible
  6. Write to release the tension
  7. Cry if need be (at least you'll pee less ;) )
  8. Keep your mouth shut or you'll say things you'll eventually regret; calm down and then speak
  9. Go for a walk if the weather permits (I have a lake to visit, yipppeeeee)
  10. Think about good times so you can snap out of the mood faster
And then... you'll calm down and everything will be alright again... or as right as it can get...

Oh, and to end with an intriguing quote from one of my lecturers (I honestly believe he did not know wot he was saying...or rather what it implied): "You need to have passion in a job and then only you can move downwards"
I mean... did he NOT see wot he said?!?!?!?
The Ego
Errrr... first time I've been tagged everrr (by Fizza) so let's see how I do...

Buying clothes:
1. Do you look at country of manufacture or quality of manufacture?
A: Quality...the damn thingy could be made in Oompa Loompa for all I care, but as long as I'm comfortable in it... who cares?!?!?

2. Do you make sure they are natural fabrics?
A: Errr...nopes... look above... doesn't matter wot it is...comfort is ESSENTIAL.

Generals:
3. Sunglasses, fashion or protection?
A: Hmmm... nowadays it's all about fashion and "what's in"... I don't wear them myself coz I really can't be bothered, but maybe...next year, I'll treat myself to some "fashionable" sunglasses on my birthday!

4. If you were a dog, would you bark or bite?
A: Haha, I'd be barking allll the time (it's wot I do now anyway, hehe), and when I get mad, instead of kicking with my cowgirl boots, I'd just BITTTEEE...

5. Do you turn your cellphone off before going to sleep?
A: Oh goodness no...I HATE turning my cellphone off EVER (only on silent at night)... who knows wot calls I'll miss!! Besides, I get really interesting calls when I'm half-asleep...why would I wanna miss that?!?! Actually wait, I want my "beauty sleep"... mmmm... maybe I should consider switching it off...

6. You came home from out and have an hour to go before going out to meet a friend, what is the most probable thing which you'll do in that hour?
A: Freshen up? Or else use the PC... read a book, listen to music... blah ...

7. What's you favourite state of chocolate; liquid or solid?
A: Solid if it's a chocolate bar ... don't like it all gooey and melted up even before it gets into my mouth

8. What would you choose; a noticeable pay hike or noticeable improvement in work environment?
A: Errr... pay hike??

9. What do you enjoy more; staying indoors with friends talking meaningfully or hanging around with friends outdoors?
A. Can't I say both? Ummm, but I like hanging with them outside ...

10. If all the music artists come to a deliberate agreement to perform their last concert on the same day, whose concert will you attend?
A: Errrrrrrr... I probably wouldn't even be allowed to go even if I wanted to, so this question is, sadly enough, not valid. :(

Ummm...I'm not really sure WHO reads my blog, so if you have a blog and you wanna do this, then you're tagged!
The Ego
Don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?
I love that line... comes in Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows ft Vanessa Carlton. It's so true...people don't seem to appreciate what they have right in front of them until one day it slips away from them.

I guess that after a long long LONG talk with my closest 'bestest' friend, I kinda got sentimental... felt like I needed to let people know how much I love them... I don't want to not tell people how I feel and then regret one day that I never got a chance to let them know. Anything can happen anytime, and in my opinion, even though the person in question knows how much I care about them, I feel that it's necessary to remind them about it now and then.

People do say that if you love someone and they know it, you don't need to tell them again... but oh, you most certainly do. If you love someone, if you care deeply for someone, let them know... let them know before you lose the opportunity... there's no point in holding back your emotions... not if you're going to regret it.

Btw...partyyyy tomorrow...should be fun... woohoo
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