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The Ego
The end of another year has finally come. Or if you'd rather be optimistic and infuriatingly cheerful, then perhaps I should say that the beginning of a brand new fresh year has arrived. 2006 has been very interesting, to say the least. Eventful is perhaps more apt. I had never imagined what lay in store for me this last year. Unexpected, shocking...these are a few adjectives that pop in my head.
It was a year of "firsts" for me... First finals, first major operation, first job...and many other firsts that I shall not mention. (I'd love to recount some of my favourite memories, but I don't want to bore anyone!)
The year, honestly, did not start out well. There were problems amongst my friends, and even little skirmishes at home. Just before mid-year, I thought everything had been laid to rest. But then...a student died...then I landed up in the hospital and had to go through a month or two of painful recovery. Yes, it was painful, I felt helpless, I hated my life at that time, I felt stripped of every element of my independence...these facts I chose not to share with many; I did not want anyone's pity. Now that the time has passed, I can make light of it. Finally I started working at a newspaper as an intern and had loads of fun, and made good friends there. College started again...and from October I was thrown into a veritable whirlwind. Since then, I can honestly say that I haven't been able to rest completely...something or the other has always been happening. Unexpected things. Good things. Shocking things. Not-so-good things. A mixture of everything. I don't know whom to thank for making my Bombay trip possible... Ah, I truly rested that one week. And then it was back to the daily grind.
My friends have been amazing this year...they've supported me in everything...they've been there when I faltered...when I felt no one was there to help me pick up the pieces, they were there. My friends, you know who you are...and I love you all for being there for me. And Mum...if you hadn't been there after my operation, I wouldn't have made it...honestly.
But one point to be made: I do not regret much in 2006. I don't think I'd want to change wot happened (okay, maybe one or two things...I'd give ANYTHING to change them!!!), and that's what I expect always: not to regret anything in my life. No really...it's odd, but gratifying that I don't have regrets.
What do I expect out of 2007? Nothing. I don't want to expect anything and be disappointed. I'll just do wot Bilbo did...and keep walking on the road and not know or care where I'm going until I get there.
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
The Ego
Sometimes we must be hurt in order to grow,
Sometimes we must fail in order to know,
Sometimes we must lose in order to gain,
Because some lessons in life are best learnt through pain.

I got this in an email from my uncle, the subject being "Good morning". Bless his soul, but exactly how was this supposed to make my morning good?? It only served to make me think about the times I've been hurting...the times I've failed...the times I've lost things and people, and the pain I'm going through. I guess it's the pessimistic side of me...The optimistic me should've thought about how I've grown, wot all I know now, wot I've gained and the lessons I've learnt. Although right now I think that's silly...you shouldn't have to be hurt to grow...you shouldn't have to fail in order to know important things...you shouldn't have to lose wot's important to you...and you certainly don't need pain to teach you anything. Losing ppl...being in pain...could go either way... you could possibly learn and grow and wotever else... but it could also break you, and turn you into a hollow, depressed shell of a person who has no hope left in life. Or worse, he/she would have hope and have those hopes dashed all the time.
It's my fault I suppose...I should think from the point of the glass being half-full, than half-empty. How was he to know by sending this email, I'd go bonkers?
Ah well...
The Ego
Broken dreams
Shattered by fears
Beautiful eyes
Now scarred by tears
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
This is one wave
That I just have to ride
No way to rest
No time to pause
All I do is reflect
On what has come to pass
Just when I thought the end was near
It comes back to haunt me and costs me dear

So... errr... that is that.
The Ego
<<<< MY HANDS!!!

So, the reason I went to Bombay was for a wedding... the whole thing lasted 4 days: the sangeet (where I also performed i.e. danced), the mehndi, the actual wedding, and finally, the reception. I missed the reception, having to fly back on that day, but the remaining days were really amazing.

On the day of the sangeet, I personally think many people were drunk by the end of the night and I suspected my aunt of spiking my drink (although it turned out she hadn't)... I admit I was tempted to drink... indeed, drinking is allowed in my family, so it was no big deal for me to take anything I wanted; it's not like I haven't had alcohol before. My cousins most certainly had a few. But I didn't. Trust me, it was hard for me to resist it. But I had my reasons. *sigh* Anyways, the dance I performed went well; everyone was surprised to see that I could actually dance ... the last time my family saw me dancing was when I was 6 or something!

The mehndi was fun...although scraping the hard stuff out later was sooooooo bugging. Plus I hate the smell, so it's been hard living with my uber-icky-mehndi-smelling-hands. But it looks good... weeeee... There was this 5 year old boy at the mehndi (I have no idea whose kid he was and wot he was doing there) but he was busy crooning a song, where the words were something like "I wanna make loooove to you", with all earnestness, which was very...errr...fascinating.

The wedding was pretty good...I loved what I wore plus my hair was straight having been ironed... the men of the family hit the bar within 10 minutes of entering the premises, bless their souls, hehe...

I have about 200 pics of my trip...fantabulous memories I must say!

But now time to hit the books!!! Exams start Thursday!!!
The Ego
So...I went to Bombay. And I indeed wore the t-shirt that I had promised to wear in October. Sadly, no one seemed to notice... hehe...

Something caught my eye as soon as I got there. I reached about 8am Bombay time, and when we had to go through customs, there were no officials there. There were around 10 security officers (who were supposed to be at the baggage check) standing around a table sipping what I assumed to be chai (tea) and as soon as they saw me and my family, they just waved us through without bothering to take our baggage through the checking thingy. Granted, the most dangerous thing we had brought was probably my suede boots, but I mean, C'MON... no checks?!?!? They seemed more concerned abt gossipping abt whatever it was over their hot cuppa.

Next: the roads. Honestly, the drivers there don't seem to have a concept of what lanes are. At some points on the road, there are no demarcated lanes and so, when the dotted white lines do appear, I can actually sense genuine astonishment pass through the minds of the drivers in the cars around me. Not that they pay any attention to the lane demarcation though. Many a time was I at traffic lights where there were only 3 actual lanes, but in practice about 4 or 5. Oh and speaking of traffic lights: they're good as not being there sometimes. Really.

Oh, and I snapped this at a traffic light: This guy just gets off and starts wiping the front screen... The driver noticed me snapping a pic... They weren't offended. They seemed most excited abt their pic being taken really.

So that's enough for now... more later!
The Ego
Ok, I'M BACK... and I'm going to make a series of blog posts about my trip coz there's SO MANY things I want to blog about.
First off, I was awake for 36 hours straight ... am proud of myself... from 8am Saturday last week till I slept off finally Sunday night after approx 36 hours (factoring in the time difference).

But getting to what this particular blog post is about:
I could hardly see any Padmini's on the roads of Bombay anymore... coz they're now FILLED with Maruti-Suzuki Swifts (yes, in India, it's not just "Suzuki", it's "Maruti-Suzuki"). And if that wasn't enough, it seemed to me that about 80% of them were red! On one particular afternoon, I counted, and took an average, and it came out to be that every 2 minutes, I saw one red Swift.
The roads of Bombay are occupied by Swift's, Getz's, Santro's and Honda's (mostly Accords). The cars I see here in Dubai so often, were not to be seen. So rare were they, that I counted; in the 8 days that I was there, I saw:
- 1 LX 470
- 1 Porsche (Yellow, and Carrera I think)
- 2 Toyota Camry's (new models)
- approx 5-6 Mercedes (something like the E 220)
- 1 VW Beetle (but like Herbie, not the new ones!)
It's late and I'm exhausted (came from the airport a while back), so I'll blog again tomorrow... Lots more coming up!
The Ego
As I survey the current mess in my room, I wonder if my decision makes sense. It's not something huge, but it's not without its ramifications. I'm leaving tonight for Bombay...will be back in a week and I don't know if I can blog from there or not. Anyways, it's for a wedding in the family which should be fun. The reason why I'm wondering whether I'm doing the right thing or not is that my exams start in 2 weeks, and here I am, gallivanting to India.
P thinks this trip has come at the most opportune moment for me...that it'll give me a chance to get away from everything that's currently stressing me out. Let's see if this one week indeed rejuvenates me and if it helps me to put things into perspective. I, for one, certainly hope so.

Ah well... but before I go...

I don't need to say who this is for... the people concerned know who they are.

Okay, so I won't be blogging now for a while, unless I get time in Bombay amidst practicing for the dances, applying mehndi on my hands and shopping like crazy! And studying of course! Or I might blog again before I leave if something earth-shattering and life-changing occurs!
Au revoir mes amis!
The Ego
Yesterday I had two conversations with two different people about the same topic.
In the morning, I was lamenting the fate of people who fell in love with those belonging to a different religion or community, coz more often than not, that love takes a backseat and is suppressed to keep the honour of the family and what-not. At night, another friend asked me wot I would do if a man who loved me, but belonged to another religion, asked me to marry him...would I change my religion for him?

I seriously oppose the entire concept of not being with someone just coz of their religion. Some pipsqueaks had long ago declared to me (it was so long ago, that I'm not even sure who these ppl were; but they were guys, that much I remember...no girl has ever said anything so stupid to me) that they would never, ever, EVER fall in love with a girl who followed another religion. Okay, yeah, coz your hormones, pheromones and everything that arouses you, first calculates whether or not the person belongs to the same religion, yeah? *sarcasm dripping over here* Oh PLEASE... don't test my patience and my limit to listen to stupidity!
What is wrong with people from different communities or religions marrying each other? My parents, although from the same religion, were from completely different communities. My aunt (a Hindu by birth) married a Muslim. Gauri married Shah Rukh Khan. Malaika Arora married Arbaaz Khan. (Oh please, let the celebrity couples I quote NOT get divorced!!!) Get my point here?? Yes, I realize that some families, some communities, regard this as being sinful or against their rules and blah...I know all of this. But to me, it doesn't make sense. Yes, you want to pass down customs and traditions to your offspring and perhaps it makes more sense if the parents are from the same religious background, but does that mean that children from inter-religious unions suffer? Do they not receive such traditions and customs? Don't they have more customs and traditions and a wealth of culture flowing in from both sides? And yes, such things don't always work out but if the people involved really want to make it work, it CAN happen. I honestly believe that.
I was also told that it doesn't make sense for such unions to take place coz someone has to compromise. Well, so what??? Doesn't compromise happen all the time in life? Isn't compromise worth it for someone you love? I guess some people are simply against the concept...in the end, wot can I say or do abt such strong viewpoints?

And then the question asked to me: would I change my religion for a guy? Those who know me very well know my views on religion, so it's no wonder that my answer came as a surprise...well, it surprised me as well. I expected myself (and no doubt, others expected this as well) to say that I would not do any such thing and if the guy wanted to be with me then he'd have to accept me as I am, and that if I didn't have a problem with his religion, then why should he have a problem with mine? But know wot I really said? I said that if I really loved this man, and if there was no other way to be with him...I would do it. I guess I'm a sentimental and emotional fool. But then again, would I do it just on paper so I can be with him, or would I truly follow the religion? I suspect it's the former and that's not too fair is it? At least I'm being honest about it though, than some ridiculous hypocrites who choose to advertise themselves as being devout followers of their faith while in reality flouting every religious ethic behind the scenes. But if two people really want to be together...and if this is the only thing stopping them...well then, why not? Would I be compromising here? Yes. Would it go against my sense of self and independence? Undoubtedly yes. But that's why they say that love is blind...you do stuff you never thought you'd do. So one day...if I want to marry someone not from my community etc...and if I really love him, who knows wot I might do???
(Note here that in my opinion, I sense that my father would hate this idea as I have a sneaky suspicion that he wants to choose my life partner himself, although I do believe my Mum might be more lenient)

Which brings me to another question: how come it's always the girls who are expected to change their religion eh??

And seriously, all throughout school, while I was vaguely conscious that P celebrated Onam, and J and Laz celebrated Christmas and that Nutz celebrated Eid, I never really thought abt such differences... I even remember giving Nutz a Diwali card once (she celebrates Eid), and I also remember once breaking a Ramadan fast at her house (although I didn't fast then; I was only 7-8). Even in college, I never thought that, "ok this person is a Scientologist" before becoming their friend. Even now, when I see my friends, their religion doesn't cross my mind... why should it? And so, if I don't discriminate over whom I make friends with, how the bloody hell do you expect me to discriminate over whom I love??? And don't bother pointing out that there's a difference between being someone's friend and loving/marrying someone...I know there is...I merely think this difference can be overcome.

Ah well, and to those who do not agree with me, I welcome your comments, bouquets or brickbats alike... but remember this:
I say "po-TAY-to"... you say "po-TAAH-to" !!!
The Ego
Ummm...for the past few days, here's a sampling of the questions and statements I've had to listen to:
"Are you alright? You look dead."
"What's wrong with you?? You look exhausted?"
"Are you not sleeping properly? You look so blah."
"Why are you so quiet D? Is something up?"
"You look sad D... wot happened?"
And the prize winner of them all: "If you push yourself even more, you'll end up in depression...you're already so messed up. Why are you doing this to yourself?" (or some variation of a similar statement)

Well... duh, I haven't been sleeping... I have been releasing a lot of salt water from my ducts (which helped enhance my zombie look)... blackouts even... why wouldn't people ask me all this? But to say that I'm gonna end up clinically depressed...I mean, if it has to happen, it will, and I'll deal with it if it does.
Gawd...people think that because I'm D, I'm always going to be happy and bubbly and talking non-stop... "Energizer Bunny" as HW once called me... hehe... good ol' days. My point is... this Energizer Bunny runs out of batteries too y'know... I can't be happy all the time... life isn't like that. It's got its good share of ups and downs. I'm dealing with it...so why can't you? I guess some people are worried about my mental and physical state (and thank you for that), but...things happen. It's not smooth sailing all the time...

Besides, my batteries are recharging themselves... this Energizer Bunny isn't going to be shut down forever!
The Ego
Further proof of lack of sleep... It's 1:35am as I type this... hmm hmmm...

But...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA!!!

Okay, so she doesn't know I have a blog... well, not yet anyway... but the point is...
I love you Mum, and here's to letting cyberspace know that it's my dear Mum's birthday todayyy!!! Wooohhhhhooooooooooooo!!!
The Ego
It looked beautiful today... near the lake... my cuppycake was with me... he seemed to love it as well... He got highly excited near the water... bless his enthusiasm!
I had planned a nice walk around the area... the earplugs of my W800i blasting rock and alternative music, which was meant to drown out any sound in the vicinity. But then along came my bro and all those chances disappeared... But I suppose it's good he came... calmed me down methinks.
I'm glad I went for the short time that I did... haven't been getting sleep lately... this honestly, for some reason, made me feel so good... relaxed me... although now it's back to the daily grind...

Hmmm...
"Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror"
- Someday by Nickelback
The Ego
Sometimes...life throws some things at you, which can be good as well as bad. It's up to us to see the good parts...to focus on the silver lining. It's okay show how you feel, cry, listen to songs on repeat mode, whatever's your thing...but once you do that... stare at the silver lining until you can't see the dark cloud anymore... and right now, I'm trying my HARDEST to see the silver...

And y'know wot... I think it's working... today was a good day... now I can see that... :)

And to end...with a quote:
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
The Ego
Yes, "conspiracy" with a capital C!!!
What is this conspiracy you might ask???
Let me enlighten you...

There are four bedrooms in my house... all on the first floor... and guess what?? In the summer, my room is the hottest and in the winter...yup, you guessed it! Mine is the coldest!

And right now, my room is damn well FREEZING. No other room is like this... I complain of practically freezing to death but everyone thinks I'm exaggerating and in summer, when I complain of sweating to death, they still think I'm exaggerating. Okay, summers I can use the air-conditioner... what do I do now!?!?!?!

It's a conspiracy I say... A CONSPIRACY!

C'est abominable!!!

PS - Need to bundle myself up now... *sigh*
The Ego
I have finally figured it out. Dictionary.com defines it as
an abnormal fear of death.
Yup...that's a phobia: Thanatophobia.

Who has it??? Yours truly...moi... I felt that the thoughts I was having was nothing great, but the amount to which it troubled me led me to look it up and I found my morbid fear had a name.
Simply put, I'm just scared of dying. Whether naturally or via accidents or anything; I'm simply terrified. I'm petrified of the thought of just not existing.
People have told me, "Well, everyone has to die one day." Well for heavens sake, that doesn't stop me from being petrified of it happening, does it?? Obviously dying young is scary, but dying after I've led a long, fruitful life is equally terrifying.
Then the whole concept of "heaven and hell" comes into the picture, and this is mostly associated with religion. People say that well, we'll go to heaven after we die or whatever. But what do I have then? Can I believe in an afterlife even with my beliefs? (People damn close to me will know wot I'm talking about) I'd like to think of Phillip Pullmans' His Dark Materials when trying to figure this out. Anyone who has read this trilogy and in particular the last book "The Amber Spyglass" will understand what I mean. That description of what happens after death (i.e. after Lyra frees all those poor souls from that wretched place) is the least scary one I've ever read about.
There have been two students from my college who passed away in the last 6 months...young vibrant people; like flowers cut in the prime of their bloom...this only serves to exacerbate my phobia.
Maybe you think it isn't so bad...how can this phobia even make my life harder, you ask? Try being me when I have a phobic attack when I'm alone...when no one is around to calm me down...at night, when all I have are my thoughts and my intensely vivid imagination...try being me at these points of time... then ask me how hard it is.
An interesting blog post I found while looking this up revealed a quote that I TOTALLY identified with:
Q: How do you want to be remembered?
A: I don't. I want to still be here.

Yes, I think too much...but wot to do...I am who I am, and in my opinion, thinking is better than not at all.
The Ego
So...after dragging out Accounts for over an hour or two, Mo decided we should all head to the beach. And so we (Me, Kaz, Off, Sam and Mo) did. We went to the beach near the Marina and headed for the rocks... check out the cool pic of the view we had... (taken by Off)...
Anyways, we settled down by the rocks and there was this Westerner fella tanning himself somewhere near us, reading a newspaper. Kaz pointed out that he wasn't wearing anything and that he'd just draped a towel over stuff-that-should-be-covered-in-public. I disagreed saying that no one in their right minds would sit in public like that, especially considering the strong wind that was blowing... But then Mr Towel (as he will henceforth be referred to) sat up a bit, and the towel/cloth/whatever fell a bit and while thankfully he was still covered, it was VERY apparent that he was indeed "au naturel"!!!
Hmmm...the time we spent at the beach was really so peaceful...great getwaway from reality and tension that swims around in life... but then... hahahaha... as we left...we took a backward glance at the amazing view of the water behind us, and Mr Towel was seen standing up... with the most unmistakeable view of his bare backside... and mind you, this was a public beach!!! And while I've seen this sort of thing in movies (most recently in The DaVinci Code courtesy Silas), this was the first time I'd seen it in real life... (Sam luckily had left earlier; she was spared this sight!)
I mean, WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!? It most definitely was not a nude beach (we don't even have those in U.A.E. do we?!?!?), and what with recent uproar about wot to wear to the beach and what not to, and how women are harassed over there... gawd, didn't he have the brains to at least wear some underwear?!?!?
Guys only walk around like this and then people only blame women for not wearing suitable attire to the beach. Stupid hypocrites...
The Ego

Seriously, this IS supposed to be a list. A list of the top 8 things that the male population of the homo sapien genus can do that the females can't; whether they want to or not. And as much as I hate to admit it, there are quite a few of these things that AGGRAVATE me no end. Oh, and this applies to a majority of the population, although there are a few (bless them) who defy the norm. {Note: mostly applicable to Asians, although some apply to the world males}

And now, in no particular order:

  1. Boys can talk about cars all day long, and never get bored
    Honestly, it's as if each and every model is burnt into their genetic code, and it can be recalled to their memory any time they wish to summon it, in a way that's not possible with calculus, economic theories or history. They know the range of car costs, where you can get parts, how to take care of the car, which model it is, which year, how many engines, and goodness knows what else by looking at any car from a distance. It's surreal.
  1. Boys can imagine living independently once they reach the late teens...
    ...and get away with it! Guys (not always) try to live independently, if not location-wise then financially as soon as their teens start. Jobs for them aren't as hard to find, as they don't particularly have restrictions on timings or ANYTHING of the sort. Living on their own also seems acceptable for them; lets see a girl trying to live alone at the age of say, 18, and some, if not all, eyebrows will be unjustly raised.
  1. Boys have no curfew
    They don't!!! I suppose that some of them do, but even if they overstay it, it doesn't seem to be a matter of so much gravity. What are they doing at 10pm? Probably walking/driving. What are they doing at midnight? Probably the same thing! Time seems to NOT exist for them. Except when it comes to eating. They always want to eat, and know when they must satisfy their gastronomic juices. The point is they just seem to be able to go wherever they want to go whenever they want to go without any restrictions. I cannot even imagine, as a girl, being allowed to walk out of the house at around say, 8pm and return just after midnight without having given prior notice, and the 'event' which I'm going to being supremely UN-miss-able. My curfew? Gosh, it makes me laugh; that's how early it is. The guys' curfew? None at all. Sometimes, they don't even go home! And when they do go out like this, it makes me feel helpless for some reason.
  1. Boys can go swimming any bloody time
    Erm, I'm not joking. All they have to do is remove their shirt. And voila! Swimming is possible. And us women? Okay, is the swimsuit respectable enough? Does it show too much skin? (Of course, if you WANT to show skin, skip this point) Are my hands too fat? Are my thighs too flabby? Is anyone looking my way? Have I waxed? Is my tummy looking too huge? Would anyone mind if I wore this particular swimsuit? Am I showing too much cleavage?
    I mean, probably I wouldn't CARE about all of this nonsense had society not said we must. But it does, and therefore I do. (I plan to change that sometime)
  1. Boys don't have to wax
    Enough said. ENOUGH SAID. They can have hairy hands and legs and face, but if we dare venture out in the natural state, we're looked at with emotions bordering on disgust and derision. WHO SAID WOMEN HAVE TO WAX? HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID CAVE WOMEN GET THEIR CAVE MEN? THEY DIDN'T WAX THEN, DID THEY? THEY DIDN'T HAVE EPILATORS EITHER! (Which I don't like anyway; waxing is much better)
  1. Boys actually enjoy wasting time and money on games and smoke
    I'm sure there are girls in this world who love just spending their time playing pool or computer games and smoking, but the way men enjoy these things are in another league altogether. Ask a guy, "What are you doing?" The answer might verily be, "Playing pool" or "Just hanging out with my friends" or "Smoking". Why can't it ever be, "Reading a book" or "Listening to music" or even "Bowling!"???
  1. Boys have no sense of time
    This is slightly different from the curfew thing. Simply because they don't care what they do when. (Except eating; they HAVE to do that when their stomach commands) Other than this, they can do any other damn thing any damn time; being late or on time has no meaning for them. They are above all these restrictions of time. Bravo.
  1. Boys have the emotional range of a teaspoon
    This is applicable to almost all men in the world, and it NOT restricted by culture or any other variable. I would here like to thank Hermione Granger (a front for J.K. Rowling) for the line, "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." They simply CANNOT understand emotions. Its way beyond their cerebral working. They cannot seem to know why someone is angry, why someone is upset, why someone is crying. It seems their emotions have been left untouched since Neanderthal times. And let me assure you, this is NOT something we women are glad we cannot do. The fact that women are in touch with their emotions is something we're proud of.

And if I try writing more, I'd make a top 100, so I shall stop with these heinous crimes for now. Adieu.

The Ego
I suppose I hate the whole cyclic way of things... something good is followed by something bad... what goes up must come down, etcetera etcetera... stupid Murphy with his stupid laws: "If something has to go wrong, it will"
I've had some amazing days over the last few weeks, so I imagine it was inevitable that it had to come crashing down. I'm not absolving myself of the blame here; indeed, I played a part in the downfall as well. Whether my part was big or small is unresolved...but a part I did play nonetheless.
Events like this are a good enough reason for me to follow the list I made a few posts back. Also leads to grave thought and introspection. Thinking too much makes my head hurt, which no doubt explains the splitting headache I've been having for a few days ... been thinking a lot you see. Might last for a few more days at the very least.
Another thought that comes to mind is regret...something else I'd posted about a while back. I don't regret much thankfully; that would've been awful had it been the case. Also...apologies. If I've ever hurt anyone, I can honestly say it was either unintentional or that I hate you to death and I so totally wanted to hurt you. But right now... unintentional pain is all that crosses my mind. Pain that is mine and others' as well. One more thing: sincerity and integrity. Anyone who'd like to think that I am or was pretending: go jump in a lake. I can even provide you with a lake, what with my living right next to one. I don't pretend, I don't act. Why skulk around? It only hurts people more. People might say they prefer sugar-coating things, but that's not my way.

After all this ranting and raving, I can only say... C'est la vie... and hope that things will improve, as they must... as my favourite friends, Calvin and Hobbes say:
"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure."
The Ego
I think today was perfect.

Well except for the part where I got home later than I was supposed to and got quite a bit of a talking-to from my Mum.

But otherwise... near perfection... the only reason it didn't achieve perfection was a tiny shadow hanging back from my previous two posts...

Hmmm...I think today was almost perfect.

Quote from Thinkexist again:
"There are a few days that feel perfect. This is one of them." - Deepa Mehta
The Ego
Was going through my collection of quotes on Thinkexist... and I just wanted to paste this one right now... seems fitting...

"I love walking in the rain, 'cause then no one knows I'm crying."
The Ego
Ah, a new list... finally...

Wot to do when you're in a weird/bad/sad mood (tick whichever is applicable; oh, and obviously these are the things I do when in such moods)
  1. Listen to loud music till you forget what silence sounds like
  2. Sing along very loudly to the songs you're listening to
  3. Go for extended drives
  4. If you're me, while driving, cut like crazy just bcoz you can and speed just bcoz you can
  5. Hog ... forget about those calories you're trying to watch; just hog all the comfort foods possible
  6. Write to release the tension
  7. Cry if need be (at least you'll pee less ;) )
  8. Keep your mouth shut or you'll say things you'll eventually regret; calm down and then speak
  9. Go for a walk if the weather permits (I have a lake to visit, yipppeeeee)
  10. Think about good times so you can snap out of the mood faster
And then... you'll calm down and everything will be alright again... or as right as it can get...

Oh, and to end with an intriguing quote from one of my lecturers (I honestly believe he did not know wot he was saying...or rather what it implied): "You need to have passion in a job and then only you can move downwards"
I mean... did he NOT see wot he said?!?!?!?
The Ego
Errrr... first time I've been tagged everrr (by Fizza) so let's see how I do...

Buying clothes:
1. Do you look at country of manufacture or quality of manufacture?
A: Quality...the damn thingy could be made in Oompa Loompa for all I care, but as long as I'm comfortable in it... who cares?!?!?

2. Do you make sure they are natural fabrics?
A: Errr...nopes... look above... doesn't matter wot it is...comfort is ESSENTIAL.

Generals:
3. Sunglasses, fashion or protection?
A: Hmmm... nowadays it's all about fashion and "what's in"... I don't wear them myself coz I really can't be bothered, but maybe...next year, I'll treat myself to some "fashionable" sunglasses on my birthday!

4. If you were a dog, would you bark or bite?
A: Haha, I'd be barking allll the time (it's wot I do now anyway, hehe), and when I get mad, instead of kicking with my cowgirl boots, I'd just BITTTEEE...

5. Do you turn your cellphone off before going to sleep?
A: Oh goodness no...I HATE turning my cellphone off EVER (only on silent at night)... who knows wot calls I'll miss!! Besides, I get really interesting calls when I'm half-asleep...why would I wanna miss that?!?! Actually wait, I want my "beauty sleep"... mmmm... maybe I should consider switching it off...

6. You came home from out and have an hour to go before going out to meet a friend, what is the most probable thing which you'll do in that hour?
A: Freshen up? Or else use the PC... read a book, listen to music... blah ...

7. What's you favourite state of chocolate; liquid or solid?
A: Solid if it's a chocolate bar ... don't like it all gooey and melted up even before it gets into my mouth

8. What would you choose; a noticeable pay hike or noticeable improvement in work environment?
A: Errr... pay hike??

9. What do you enjoy more; staying indoors with friends talking meaningfully or hanging around with friends outdoors?
A. Can't I say both? Ummm, but I like hanging with them outside ...

10. If all the music artists come to a deliberate agreement to perform their last concert on the same day, whose concert will you attend?
A: Errrrrrrr... I probably wouldn't even be allowed to go even if I wanted to, so this question is, sadly enough, not valid. :(

Ummm...I'm not really sure WHO reads my blog, so if you have a blog and you wanna do this, then you're tagged!
The Ego
Don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?
I love that line... comes in Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows ft Vanessa Carlton. It's so true...people don't seem to appreciate what they have right in front of them until one day it slips away from them.

I guess that after a long long LONG talk with my closest 'bestest' friend, I kinda got sentimental... felt like I needed to let people know how much I love them... I don't want to not tell people how I feel and then regret one day that I never got a chance to let them know. Anything can happen anytime, and in my opinion, even though the person in question knows how much I care about them, I feel that it's necessary to remind them about it now and then.

People do say that if you love someone and they know it, you don't need to tell them again... but oh, you most certainly do. If you love someone, if you care deeply for someone, let them know... let them know before you lose the opportunity... there's no point in holding back your emotions... not if you're going to regret it.

Btw...partyyyy tomorrow...should be fun... woohoo
The Ego
Decisions. People make them at every point of their life.
"Shall I wear the skirt or the pant?"
"Should I buy the red paint or the blue?"
"Shall I watch this movie or that?"

Every point of our life...we're plagued with decisions... silly mundane things... or important life-changing ones. Sometimes I wonder if the decisions I've made till now in my life are right or wrong.
Was my decision to choose my current degree a right one? Only time will tell ...
Were my decisions to make the friends I have, the right ones? I can only hope so...
The decision I made 2-3 years ago to go for a party without informing my parents that boys would be present (heck yeah, those times I didn't know any boys therefore to go for a late night party with them was a big no-no) was bittersweet...I learnt a lot after it (with regard to who my real friends were etc), but it was wrong bcoz when my parents found out, there was hell to pay. (Note to be made: I do not regret wot I did, but I regret the anguish I caused my parents, especially my mother)
The decision I made to run for the student council in school was right because I met the most amazing people that way and did so many amazing things that I would've never been able to otherwise...

So it always seems to be that, when, in the future, things go right we pat ourselves on the back for apparently doing the right thing. But if things turn south, then...we tell ourselves we should've seen it happening in the first place. That we should've foreseen the problems and obstacles...

Then sometimes you take a decision that feels right to you...but then everyone around you shoots it down...treating you like you went mad... like you'd done something wrong... wot happens then??? Do you regret the decision that makes ppl mildly hostile? Or do you trudge slowly through the barrage of questioning, hoping that one day it'll all just stop? Questions thrown at you all the time...why'd you do this, why'd you do that, how could you do such a thing...

When I make a decision, I would like people to respect it (unless of course I made a decision to rob a bank or something equally evil)...I don't like to feel like I have to apologize to people for a decision that would majorly affect me and not them. However, humans truly cannot live in isolation... every decision we make has manifold ramifications on everything and everyone around us.

My only wish is that I don't regret any decision that I make...that would be a pity.

Que sera sera... hmmmm...
The Ego
Ok, Mr-white-Mitsubishi-Lancer-of-H59792-fame... Do you know what those dotted lines in the middle of the asphalt roads are??? Let's think...hmmm... they divide the bloody road into lanes so that if there are TWO lanes on a road, then TWO cars can drive side-by-side in blissful harmony. So maybe, NEXT TIME, you'll actually use your side-mirrors et al plus some judgement to actually stay in one lane rather than driving in the middle of the road so that no car can pass by you. See, those nice white dotted lines are not to drive over...they demarcate the road, so that you can drive on one of those lanes, okay??? Remember what you learnt in driving school?? All coming back to you now?? Oh good.
And ONE MORE THING... while it is a refreshing change to see some ppl go slow on roundabouts instead of racing across them, squealing tires, doing the whole "drifting" thing... you are NOT expected to do a complete stop on a roundabout while you contemplate the direction your car (or life) should take. (Okay, maybe "complete stop" is an exaggeration; MORE LIKE 1km/h!!)

*sigh* Maybe I shouldn't complain; I've seen worse on the Al Quoz roundabout on the way to work during my vacations... All those near misses on that huge roundabout...trucks cutting my lil' Getz, practically banging into me with me performing death-defying swerves to save my life...KV is relatively safer no?

But seriously... I wanna kick these crazy drivers (either they drive like maniacs or they drive like they're driving a damn bullock cart) with my cowgirl boots... tassels, suede and all :p

Mais... this reminds me of this lovely quote: "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" Si vrai, no??
The Ego
Hmmm... Happy Diwali and Eid Mubarak to all ... *hugs* all around...

Ummmmmmmm... coming back to why this post is here...

Be careful of what you wish for
It might actually come true
Then it is most certain that
You will not know what to do.

Argh.
The Ego
So apparently, we have love stories culminating in marriage in my family...

The first story has the main protagonists in the form of my grandmum (my Mum's mum, whom henceforth I shall call 'Gummy') and my grandfather (whom I shall now call Gappa). [The whole 'Gummy' and 'Gappa' thing started when I was a kid and said these words instead of Grandmummy and Grandpapa; although why nobody asked me to say Nana and Nani is beyond me, coz I say Dada and Dadi, but oh well...]

Anyways, back to the story. Gappa used to freelance for a newspaper back in India (so now I know where I get my journalist blood from!) and Gummy used to work as a receptionist at that newspaper. After he heard her voice on the phone, he apparently was besotted by her, then went and met her, then started following her home on the train, then started escorting her home on the train and THEN finally he said he wanted to marry her and her family said yes and voila... they got married. Wow.

Next story...my parents. Oh it was an arranged marriage. My dad's family saw Mum at some engagement and so pursued the offer. And when Papa saw Mum's photo, he also was apparently besotted by her and went around showcasing her photo to all and sundry saying no matter what happened he would marry her. (Ya, my Mum was babe in her hey-day...her photos give me major inferiority complex...amazing figure, lovely clothes, flawless face, and brains to add to that...and then there's me...*sigh* Why couldn't I get her genes? Although I think I got a good percentage of her brains, thank my stars) My Dada (my dad's dad) was a great believer in matching horoscopes, but Papa went to Dada and said that even if they didn't match, my Mum was the woman whom he wanted as his wife. And then they got married (and the horoscopes were a perfect match, so no one had to fight or anything). Hmmm.

AND THEN THERE'S ME. After hearing my grandparents romantic story today, I... well, here's wot happened...
Me: Mum, so can some boy follow me home on the train too?
Mum: There are no trains in Dubai. And if anyone follows you, tell me and I'll call the police.
(how unromantic!!!)
Me: But Gummy was followed around by Gappa...it's regressive if you don't let me have the same right too! Besides, forget trains, he can follow me on public transport or my car and drop me home.
Mum: Er...your friends already drop you home.
Me: Yes, but I don't want to marry them!
Mum: Anyway, I've talked about this with your dad before, and he said that he doesn't want you to marry the guy of your choice. He wants to choose him for you.
(SAY WOT?? Why should he decide about MY life, and since WHEN have my parents been discussing my marriage?!?!?!?)
Me: PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Can I get married to whomever I choose, subject to your approval?
Papa: No.
Me: *shocked*
That's it! THAT'S ALL HE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mum: Anyway, you're only 19...
Me: SO WHAT?!?!? I need to know I have the right! THE RIGHT!!!

Yes well, I should like to see them try getting me married off to a guy whom I don't want to marry! EXTREMELY low success rate, I do assure you.

Oh well, I highly doubt anyone will follow me or drop me home in the hopes of capturing my heart...neither will anyone showcase my photo to the world and their mother with dreams of taking me away on his horse (or swanky car as it may be)... so I suppose the argument is not valid anyway.

But still ... Why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???
The Ego
Contrary to wot I said before, I was slated to drive the Merc again to college today due to a certain mix-up. Ah well... going by my previous experience with that car, this time around things were smoother.
And of course, today was the same class that I had where I walked out last week, but today everything was relatively peaceful. In fact, in my free time (i.e. the time when I was not listening to the Prof), I constructed a list. And here goes:

List of hot guys on television
In random order:
1. Milo Ventimiglia (Jess Mariano on Gilmore Girls/Peter Petrelli on Heroes)
2. Wentworth Miller (Michael Scofield on Prison Break)
3. Josh Holloway (Sawyer on Lost)
4. Michael Weatherly (Logan Cale on Dark Angel/Tony DiNozzo on NCIS)
5. Jensen Ackles (Alec on Dark Angel)
6. David Boreanaz (Angel/Angelus on Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
7. James Marsters (Spike on Angel/Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
8. Tom Welling (Clark Kent on Smallville)
9. Michael Rosenbaum (Lex Luthor on Smallville)
10. Noah Wyle (Dr. John Carter on E.R.)
11. Goran Visnjic (Dr. Luka Kovac in E.R.)
12. George Clooney (Dr. Doug Ross on E.R.)
13. James Spader (Alan Shore on Boston Legal)
14. Drew Fuller (Chris Halliwell on Charmed)

Pathetic to make such lists? Probably. But...circumstances demanded it, namely the BORING class that I had today!!! I had to do anything possible to survive this class unscathed ... and since I emerged from that class with my brains not blown out from boredom, I am satisfied.
Labels: 2 ego boost(s) | | edit post
The Ego
I went to the airport a few hours back to pick somebody up... while sauntering into the arrival area, it occurred to me: Why on earth did I wear a t-shirt that said "Calm, cool, collected, and ready to explode" to the aiport?!?!?! (Courtesy the brand "Zync", which, by the way, I absolutely adore!) The word play just struck me at that point of time... First I was like, AAAAHHHH...wot did I wear?!?!?! And then of course, I found it hilarious. Now I've sort of made a vow: the next time I'm travelling by plane, I WILL wear that t-shirt... will make the trip more interesting methinks...
Btw... note the time... past 1:30am... mainly because I was out all day long and couldn't finish my assignments, so I'm finishing it off now... yikes... looks like I'll be falling off to sleep in classes tomorrow...!!!
The Ego
My weekends are very routine... it honestly leaves nothing to the imagination bcoz I know exactly wot I'd be doing Thursday evenings, Fridays and on Saturdays... Almost like clockwork...so much so that it becomes infuriating... Something to know about me: while I do require a certain plan of wot's going on... I prefer spontaneity!
Other than that... the world is moving on... we have a new UN Secy. General (I feel bad for all the Thuroor enthusiasts) ... a boy in rural India married a hill to remove a curse from his mother (seriously, read front page of KT today and you'll see...crazy stuff)... cowards send anonymous emails... the usual stuff...

My last post seems to have generated enough interest for someone to address an email to the common email id of all the students of my lecture (refer to previous post) and call me a big fat liar and that apparently I've exaggerated the events and that I've degraded myself... the usual stuff that cowards write under the cloak of namelessness which they never would have the guts to say to my face ... That email subsequently led the previous post to also get loads of comments from people... Free publicity eh... as they say, even bad news is good news... hmmm...
I'm sure whoever that person is reads my blog ... well... all I can say is... (and this is addressed to that Cowardly Cow who sent the email in the first place) ... I wish you had the balls to say wot you had to, to my face and not sneak around in this way... I may be a girl, but I sure have more balls than you do. [my friend Off always wonders why I say that, then I assure him that my balls are purely imaginary and metaphorical, not to worry; and thanks to HW for even saying that I have more balls than anyone else he knows, bless him] I don't lie, neither do I sneak around... I say wot I have to in front of everyone. I am not skilled in the art of cowardice like you...

And with that... adieu... but only for now... this ego is too inflated to shut up forever!!! I'll be back!
The Ego
I wonder if Gandhi ever wrote letters to his friends after staging non cooperation movements... Why the sudden interest in Gandhi's non cooperation??? Well, I staged a one-woman walkout today... Interest piqued? Good, read on...

So today, in college, I had three hours worth of classes back-to-back alright? Now... in the last one hour, PJ (our professor), hit upon a grand idea of dividing the 40-odd students into groups of around 7-8 each and making each group carry out presentations and do projects together etc... And he let us make our own groups whereby a "group leader" would come up to the whiteboard and make his/her team listing on it for PJ's reference etc etc. So me and my friends obviously plunged into one group together and added other people whom we could tolerate... Anyways, this guy called R. (for the uninitiated, he was the guy who asked me out in first year and I declined and since then he's acted very creepily around me) gets up and says he wants to make his own group and nonchalantly goes to the board, RUBS MY NAME from the other list and STICKS it in his!!! All my friends, knowing our "history" started laughing soooooooo much... I just got angry and asked R. to please change my name back to the list where I was... he didn't do it... Then I asked him to change the name coz I'd rather make presentations etc with ppl with whom I was more comfortable with... he didn't change it... I said I'd refuse to do any work if I was in his group... he still didn't change it... O., my friend, got up and tried to put my name back onto the list where all my friends were; R. pushed him away... I tried protesting one more time and when nothing happened, something inside of me snapped and I picked up my bag and walked out of class. I had a faint idea that when I put my hand on the door handle, the previously raucous class hushed in shock ... I walked out and with no idea where to go, I went to my car in the parking lot and just sat there until the class ended and ppl came looking for me...

Then I found out wot happened in my absence...
After I walked out, people were indeed in shock for like 10 seconds... then P. (best friend#1) walked out to try and find me... then S. (this really FUNNYYYYY guy) turned to R. and said, "Kya yaar...all the girls are walking out bcoz of you!" and everyone burst into laughter... P. called me then to make sure I was okay... assured of that she went back to class...A. (best friend #2) asked where I was, P. told him I was ok and wasn't driving around like a maniac...and the word was spread among my friends that I am safe and sound in my car... O. then went to the board and this time successfully changed my name to back where it originally was, without any protest from R., whom I imagine was sufficently shocked by my walk out to say anything then. Then when class ended, PJ apparently told R. he shouldn't have changed my name if I didn't want it there and he shouldn't have upset me ... haha... PJ likes me (I'm a VERY good student) so it was okay for me to walk out in his class... he probably sympathizes with me more than anyone else... hehe... Then outside class, A. (friend) asked R. why he did that... and R. was flustered and mumbled some stuff and went off... Then A. (best friend #2) and A. (friend) came in search of me...found me, asked me if I was mad... and then proceeded herewith to tell me wot happened after I left...

THEN... R. called!!! And I was like....AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH... He apologized blah blah and said he didn't realize I was serious about not wanting to be in his group... (yeah right... I'd leave all my friends, who are anyway less in number after half of them shifting to the evening batch, and go to his batch and make presentations and projects with him for the next 7 months?!?!?) ... and said some more REALLY corny stuff... I tried to keep the call as short as possible, and that was that...

Someone told me I shouldn't have walked out; I should've hit him instead... and some thought I was immature... some thought I was justified... but a common thread seems to be: "OH MY GOD... D, of all people, WALKED OUT OF CLASS?!?!?!?"

Ah well ... wot's done is done... at least I achieved the purpose ... my group was changed back to where I wanted it...
Staging a walk out made me feel guilty...yet the end result has left me satisfied :D
The Ego
Okay... for the uninitiated... there's this tradition in Hinduism called karva chauth ... and not all Hindu communities perform it, but quite a few do... The concept is that the wife fasts the entire day and breaks her fast by looking at the moon and then at her husband, then he feeds her some food. The point apparently being that she does this to pray to the Gods to ensure her husband's long life.
So ... (Btw, thankfully my family doesn't do this stuff, so I'm spared the agony of having to tell my Mum to please not undertake this fast because it offends my logical and feministic sensibilities) ... ANYWAY... today I find out that there are some lovesick loonies in my college actually fasting for their boyfriends. I was so struck in disbelief at their moronic behaviour. I mean, they are most probably gonna break up with those pipsqueak boyfriends some time soon, and right now, here they are, starving the whole day for those men... And how will starving yourself ensure long life for your men, I will never understand...
WHEN will the men ever fast for women??? Why is it always the women fasting for the guys??? Bloody sexists... Discrimination, I say... Pfuit ...
C'est abominable!!!
The Ego
Anyone interested can read this article... At Airports too, Autism is a threat

It's about how people can be so insensitive to people with special needs... Bloody cows... Makes me mad when I read about such things...
The Ego
I don't like being judged. I used to assume that because I extended this courtesy to others, I'd get that in return... Mais je suis déçu ...

I know for a fact that I have never judged or wanted to change anyone to suit me perfectly... Everyone is different...everyone thinks differently and believes in assorted things. My friends are so varied from my nature yet in some things so alike... While I cherish the similarities, I hold our differences even higher because those are wot makes them unique. I mean, can you imagine how BORING life would be if everyone agreed on everything?!?!?!?
I won't deny I've tried my hardest to change their bad habits like puffing away on the cancer stick (Smoking kills!), drinking themselves to death (I think hard drinks are alright, except when it leads to alcoholism) or going about losing their virginity (What's the hurry??...Stay celibate for a while!)... but have I ever tried to change their core personality?? No ... why should I??? (and if I ever have, I am truly sorry; it was not my intention) I think that I was attracted to their personality in the first place, that's why I'm good friends with them...
And whatever disagreements I have about the way they live their life...most of them have to do with any negative attitudes they hold or negative ways in which they behave... I haven't harmed anyone... my beliefs are personal to me and I truly honour them strongly... Is that so hard to understand? You believe in some values because of some particular reasons and so do I mine.

I don't ask you or expect you to change your personal beliefs because I don't agree with them ... why do you think I'd change mine because you think it's right??? "Being right" is a relative term when it comes to individual thoughts and feelings. I wish people would just realize that ...

And to think I wouldn't have found out wot some people think/feel about my personal choices if it wasn't for an innocent question I asked...

Edit: Oh well ... harmless rant... P told me that I shouldn't get mad at wot others say... but I did... so that's that.
The Ego

Last night... we (me and my family) saw this dark fat thingy moving around in our garden. After investigation, we saw a bird... looked like a partridge... Also it seemed that it couldn't fly coz when me or my Mum went closer to investigate, it didn't fly away. Instead it looked up at us extremely inquisitively... and tried to follow us inside the house! T'was still there this morning... it wasn't in the garden anymore, but in the garage... I took a few pics of it... it looked sooooooo cute... I mentally named it "Fluffy" but a few hours back, it wasn't there anymore. :(
I hope it's alright!!!

Hmmmmmmmm... on another note, without saying too much... I want to vehemently protest against girls getting married in their teens. It's unfair to the girls, stupid, not to mention highly irresponsible of the parents especially if the age gap between the girl and guy is huge. And I can't even express how CRAZY the girls are to even say yes, when they don't want to! I don't know whom to thank, but I am SO GLAD that my parents aren't even thinking about my marriage, unlike some other parents around. Hmph. On this topic... my Mum is the BEST! She assured me that she doesn't want me to get married any time soon, so I can take my own sweet time about it (and hinted that if I was so against marriage, I could stay single forever)... bless her...

Gotta go back to Accounts... ahhhh... my trial balance is NOT balanced!!! :(
The Ego
So today... I decided to be a bit more adventurous... I told my Mum to use my car today (My darling Hyundai Getz) while I'd take the one she usually drives (the scary long Mercedes Benz). I regretted my decision a few seconds after pulling out of our driveway, by which time it was already too late to do anything coz my Mum had already left and there seemed to be no way in which my Dad would even consider letting me take his car... Soooo, I had to drive along with the Benz to college.
The first problem I came across was when I quickly realized I couldn't see anything except the sky through the left side mirror coz it seemed like it was configured to my dad's 6"1' height. And I didn't know how to adjust them!!! Ack! After playing around with the knob (while driving I might add), it finally moved but then I could ONLY see the road and nothing above it. And so it came to be that while navigating a roundabout, I managed to set it according to my eye-level.
Then... the brakes. I hit them lightly and nothing happened!!! I got sooooooooo scared... I was like, SHIT... am I supposed to hit a tree to stop or something... then I figured I hafta hit them harder than I usually do in my Getz... and then it worked after pushing the brake pedal harder and more deep... Gave me quite a fright though at first...
But to give credit where credit is due... it went beautifully from 40 - 120 VERY smoothly and very fast ... wot about 0-40 you ask??? Well, that's a wee bit slow!!! Then after 40 it picks up magnificently... And of course, it went marvellously over the innumerable speed humps that Emaar decided to plonk in the middle of Meadows, Springs and all that... Coz with my little Getz, I need to slow down to almost 0km/h to go over the speed breakers without it being too bumpy. With the Benz... even at 30km/h...it was quite smooth...
But... I am NEVER driving that car again... hehehe... too much tension... I think I prefer smaller cars... easier to zip around!!!

On another note... have been listening to How to Save A Life by The Fray for ages today... excellent song... do listen to it sometime!
The Ego
I feel I belong to a rare breed of homo sapien that actually likes to study. Seriously, I like it. I love the tension associated with exams...It's a paradox for me really, coz when I'm going through stress, I act like a whining crazy person but after it's done I relish it. Weird, don't you think???
But I digress. I enjoy studies as well coz I'm damn good at it! (See, now you know why this blog is called "Big Fat Ego") I generally handle my academics quite well and I pick up new concepts relatively fast. I mean, C'MON... I taught myself differentiation in about 2 hours...some people couldn't even get it after hours of lectures... with a professor!
So IMAGINE my horror when yesterday I was lost for about 1 hour of my 1.5 hour Accounts class. OMG... I was sooooooooo upset, simply bcoz I am NOT used to not understanding stuff. My ego felt deflated. Which caused my mood to go bust, which resulted in my going on an impromptu drive (very big thing for me)... and when I'm upset, I am known to "drive like a guy". Which apparently means I take more risks and/or drive fast. Or something like that I think.
But not to worry, I just inflated my ego almost back to the same enormous size after revising it at home in peace... I think and I hope I've got the hang of accounts now... Hmmmmm...
The Ego
So there I was... watching NDTV when suddenly this program comes on where teenagers debate on certain issues. The issue for that day was whether religion makes a difference in choosing a life partner etcetera etcetera...
As a person who has definitive views about the place of religion in my life, I was intrigued and sat down to watch. I positively needn't have bothered. Those crazy people were busy shouting at each other about adjustment (I mean, the NUMBER of times the word 'adjustment' was bandied around... that word should have been banned from the 'debtate') and not concentrating on the real core at hand... T'was most infuriating. Especially since most of them implied that it would be necessary to marry within the same religion.
I honestly believe religion shouldn't matter in the sense that if you love someone then you obviously accept all aspects of him/her, so why reject that person based on their faith? I admit that less adjustments take place if you're from a similar group, but the point is, why can't you just marry whomever you want?? Regardless of whom they pray to!
I mean... C'MON... it's not like your heart first scans people based on their faith...you just click with certain people and it's not necessary that this fitting-in-together-perfectly happens with people from the same background, country, religion or caste...

The worst part is... I don't think many people feel this way... and I'm petrified of the possibility that I might end up clicking with someone who belongs to a completely different background than me and while I will want to go ahead with it, that person will reject that idea bcoz I am different with regard to religion... But then again, that would mean we didn't really 'click', doesn't it??? (Or it might be his family sort of being the "kabab main haddi") I'm not sure if that's comforting or bloody irritating!!!

Which reminds me of a quote... I forgot who said it, but it's one of my favourites:
You laugh at me because I am different; I laugh at you because you are all the same.

Edit: Hah.
I am watching LOTR... AGAIN... and I realized...Aragorn and Arwen - Mortal and Elf-Kind - hitched up in the end. So there. HAH. It could happen.
The Ego
I hate the rules I have to follow... they make no sense to me at all... one of those being I can't drive at night. I've been driving for over a year now and it seems to be one of those unfair rules thrown at me by my parents simply because they can. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to why this rule is even in place. I mean, I live in an area where there's no public transport...none of my friends live even remotely close to me, so I have no other choice than to go places by car! I have my own car, I've never had an accident for the one year and 4 months that I've been driving... so WHAT is the problem with driving at night??? My parents STILL have to cart me around everywhere coz of this rule...It would make life simpler for all of us if they just let me use the car! It's not like I walk out of the house when I want and take the car without permission... Every time I use the car... MY CAR, I might add, I ask first before doing anything... But nooooooooooooo... I still can't drive it after sunset. I'm not even asking to stay out late!!! Is 8pm or 9pm too difficult to grant to come back myself??? Balderdash.
My friend says I'm lucky I even have a license (she doesn't), but my point is...wot's the point of having the license when I can't drive when I want???
Argh.
The Ego

INTRODUCTION
J., thanks for telling some people that I was stuck in the uber-clean hospital after an appendix operation!
Those who DIDN'T know coz well...errr...they just didn't know... I was admitted to the hospital last Saturday (June 10th to be precise) with a burst appendix and had to have surgery to remove the damn thing.
I got back home yesterday but there are two "holes" (as I like to call 'em, much to P.'s disgust; I even likened the main scarred area to a sleeping bag with a zipper in the middle and she totally freaked out...love doing that to her...heehee) in the stomach area... all bandaged up, I do assure you... I haven't had the stomach (pun intended) to look at the scars or whatever, so maybe in a few months I'll deign to look over there

SCREWED SUMMER SURPRISES
Basically, I'm kinda screwed for the summer coz by instructions: *drum rolls and fanfare*
- I cannot climb up and down stairs a lot (which is a bummer coz there are stairs - 20 to be precise - in my house, so I go downstairs ONCE a day so that kinda messes up my PC time and TV time and all the other 'times' coz for TV I used to go down, even though I have a TV in my room, and my PC is upstairs in my room... argh)
- I cannot lift heavy things for at least 2-3 months (suits me)
- I cannot DRIVE FOR EFFING 2-3 MONTHS!!! [AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, my life]
- I can't bend ... which is not a problem coz seriously I can't bend without experiencing PAIN
There must be more instructions, I can't remember ... oh whatever...

AWARE ABOUT AN APPENDIX
The operation lasted about 3 hours if I'm not mistaken...I was blissfully sleeping through it all. Not so blissful afterwards though. Ah, but before they put me off to sleep, I did hear really CORNY hindi loooove songs playing in the background and I'm thinking, "Wot if they keep singing along or something and they mess my insides up all coz of a corny song?!?!" Then, I went into black nothingness and uptil now everything seems to be fine so I s'pose they did NOT sing along while cutting me open. I DID see the damn bottle with my appendix in it. Those people kept it on that trolley bed that they used to wheel me outta the recovery room, so it was like this: I was in a haze of anesthesia and I opened my eyes and I see my family, and J and her family staring at me with worried faces and then I look towards my feet and I see this bottle with this THING in it, and I'm thinking, "Woooooo, wot's that? It's soooo ickkkyyy" and imagine me thinking this in a very amused way, and then I go back to oblivion before I open my eyes again and I vaguely remember seeing a lift, then oblivion, then a room, then oblivion, then J telling me SOMETHING (sorry, no idea wot), then oblivion, then... PAINNNN!!!

BABIES, MOTHERS, PREGNANCIES
And yeah, about 4 people asked me if I was pregnant or had a baby! It went like this:
1. (a while before the operation)
Doctor dude: Are you pregnant?
Me: No. I'm 19. And NOT married. NO!

2. (RIGHT before the operation)
Surgeon dude: Is there a POSSIBILITY that you COULD be pregnant?
Me: Nooooo
Surgeon dude (who was a really cool chap btw): I mean, I know you're 19 and not married, but you COULD be pregnant; it's happened before
Me: TRUST ME, there is so totally NO possibility of me being pregnant. Seriously. I should know.

3. (3rd night at hospital; 2am)
*phone rings*
Me: Hellloooo?
Scary lady on phone: Ma'am, when are you going to feed your baby?
Me: I don't have a baby. *slams phone*
(After one minute) *phone rings*
Me: Yes?
Still a scary lady on the phone: Ma'am, I was wondering, are you going to feed your baby?
Me: I DON'T HAVE A BABY, NO BABYYYY, NEVER HAD ONE!
Turned out she was connected to the wrong roon, but wotever

4. (5th day at hospital)
Lady-who-poked-her-head-through-my-curtain: Hello, did you have a baby?
Me: No, I did not. My appendix burst and I had an operation. NO BABY!!!

Seriously... wot was with all the baby talk??

HORRENDOUS HAPPENINGS
Other than babies, 3 tubes which were stuck into my body in various positions, not much sleep at night bcoz of the tummy pain, having to wear those open-at-the-back-so-take-a-free-look-at-my-butt-and-backside hospital nightgowns, having shown at least 12-15 people my BODY (by the 3rd day, I was so used to it, I didn't even grimace like I used to; I was like, yeah sure, take a look, everyone here seems to have seen everything anyway), and not being able to wash my hair the entire damn time I was there... I have emerged almost unscathed.
It was nice of most of my friends to visit me regularly... awfully sweet of them. (although I did have a lingering suspicion some of my guy friends came coz I had the World Cup channels in my room...come to think of it, they were watching football most of the time they were there!)

CONCLUSION
So that's that... if you know me well, you know my flair for telling people about all these happenings... hehe... and making it sound like some kind of soap opera... everything just manages to happen to me, doesn't it?? Ah well, c'est la vie...
I don't think I'll be able to go back to work anytime soon and that's pretty sad actually; I was starting to enjoy myself and get into the groove before my dear useless appendix decided to 'un-groove' me.
The Ego
Sooooo... my first blogging experience... most interesting. I've been contemplating starting up a blog for two weeks now... ever since the recent fracas in the newspapers about students being suspended for blogging blah blah blah.
I really can't think of wot to stuff on this page right now, so I figured I'd throw in wot I think would be interesting to read. I had written this in the month of June... this was an email I'd sent to my friends after returning from the hospital after an operation... Now I'm fine though... but I had fun telling people wot had happened to me!
Ah well ... :)
DISCLAIMER: All opinions expressed on this blog are the bloggers private thoughts, not meant to cause harm. Take everything with a pinch of salt.